My mother just told me off for being "too feminist"...

[bagelfiend]

.... Because I said that I don't think I should have to change my name when I get married.

She proceeded to tell me that "it's been that way for years- why get fussy and change it now?"

I struggle to believe that she made me

Just file it away in the 'silly old sod' folder.

It could be a lot worse

When I told my mum I wouldn't be changing my name she said 'Oooh your Dad will be pleased'

I guess my name is not my own

Fingers crossed we're making it easier for the next generation.

Last time I saw her she told me that I should eat steak because steak is for men.

If I ever capitulate and finally marry Dp I'm taking his surname because its a doozy.

I don't think any more/less of anyone who chooses to do either to be honest

What do people do regarding surnames?

I don't want to change my name and neither does DP. However, I do want to have the same name as my children.
Do we both change our names to something completely different?

I didn't change my name. It's a lot less fuss than changing it, I believe. And you get to tell people you don't want to talk to that "there is no Mrs BagelDHsurename here".

We both have very average surnames that work on both of us.

I'm thinking we should change it too "thundercunt" or similar.

Thundercunt is a truly excellent idea.

My DM told me off the other night for not cooking my DP a meal before I went out for the evening, and because he does most of the cooking. I tried pointing out he's currently working PT and I am FT (no children) but this is apparently irrelevant.

Our dc has a double-barrelled surname. Were we to ever marry (unlikely), then we'd double-barrell too... Or just keep our own names.

Your mum sounds quite funny. I wouldn't let it wind you up, just laugh about it. My mum has started to act flabbergasted that dp does housework. I didn't realise she'd brought me up with the intention that I'd grow up ironing a man's pants but there you go.

Don't think my pant ironing comment made complete sense but hopefully you get the gist.

Pant-ironing makes me think of the huffing sound steam irons make when other people use them.

i didn't change my name. hasn't caused any trouble at all - my parents, the schools etc have all got the idea that I have one name and DH has another.

the DDs have my surname as a 2nd middle name, so they are name1 name2 my-surname his-surname. It is not double barrelled but it does mean my name is on their passports and is available to them if they want to use it.

She is absurd beyond belief!

DB and I just sat there flabbergasted at some of the things she was saying. Sad thing is that her partner is a chauvinistic, alcoholic twat who cheats whenever he fancies. Her reaction to the constant cheating? "Boys will be boys".

It makes me SO sad to see her. I love her so very much but she frustrates me to a point that makes seeing her very difficult.

I used to be the nanny of a family who expected me to iron all of their childrens pants and socks

I didn't change mine, it has been no bother and it means I don't have to use Mrs (I know I wouldn't have to anyway, but I don't know anyone who uses Ms having taken their husband's surname, Mrs seems to still be the default in that scenario). DCs have DH's name, which I know isn't really the feminist option but is fine with me personally.

When I told my mum I wasn't changing it she looked a bit wistful and said if she had her time again she wouldn't have changed hers . One of my friends on the other hand gasped in horror and said "but how will anyone know you're married?" . Well, they could ask me, or look at my left hand.

My mum's made some iffy comments about rape, which makes me laugh (angry, bitter laughs) as I know what she's been through in her life. She has a bit of that 'boys will be boys' thing in her too bagel.

I dont see any advantage of changing ones name upon marriage. It seems to ve a big deal for some people and that is fine but i just dont see the appeal. So we wont be getting xmas cards addressed to mr and mrs smith or the smiths. Big deal.

Ironing children's pants and socks?

(I nearly typed cocks there. Which would be even more . )

I didn't change my name but still get the Mr and Mrs DHname thing.

I kept my name. Even DH's 90 year old nan addresses birthday and Christmas cards to me correctoy. But for some reason my brothers partner has a major issue with me keeping my name (they aren't married) and always sends me cards addressed to Mrs DH's name. She's a similar age to me so I can't understand why she has such a problem with my decision.

If I had my time again I think I'd keep my name and double barrell the kids.

Well the obvious solution to the problem of you wanting the same name as your children is to give them your surname. The other option is to double-barrel but continue to use your own surname in general conversation, child thus has both.

That said for me it was very important not to change my name, but not at all important to have the same name as ds. I haven't shared a surname with my mother since I was 7 when she remarried. It has never made the slightest jot of difference to my relationship with her. But I would worry about that down the line when the time comes.

"It's been that way for years" is true of lots of things - like slavery. Is that a reason not to try and change things?!

Yes, Nolim, I assure you you will get Christmas cards addressed to Mr and Mrs Smith. Fortunately we have a thread on here every year to moan about it

Whoknows- I am gradually ditching Mrs. There you go, you know someone now.

Tribpot: looking forward to moan about it!

Bagel: who would want their socks ironed and why???