My mother just told me off for being "too feminist"...

[bagelfiend]

.... Because I said that I don't think I should have to change my name when I get married.

She proceeded to tell me that "it's been that way for years- why get fussy and change it now?"

I struggle to believe that she made me

Yonic, i would love to. Knowing how illogical and overbearing she can be, unfortunately it wouldn't be worth the aftermath.

I just keep reminding myself that actually it doesn't matter what she calls me, it'll never be my name. And putting in a false name in her phone will only make me more confident in my own choice. Ha!

I used to be a nanny too -- there is truly no accounting for folks..

I remember my mum and Dsis having a huge row one day when Dsis came home with a ring she had bought and put on her ring finger. Mum insisted the ring finger was 'reserved for marriage' and that women should never, ever put any ring on it except engagement and wedding bands. Dsis's contention was that it was her own bloody finger and she would do whatever she wanted with it.

And yet, on other matters she had an out and out feminist approach. She just never thought things through detail by detail or saw a pattern to things she objected to and joined the dots all the way to the ring finger nonsense.

Keep your own name and double barrel your DCs' name?

I didn't do this with my own DCs' as double barrelling would have meant a strange sounding name either way (both names could be used as adjectives).

Yes, like FuckOffGroundhog I have been Ms since I was a teenager (am Irish).

I kept my own name, AND I don't wear a wedding ring, because I don't really understand why I need to tell everyone about my marital status. I am still married regardless of what I wear.

I don't really understand the obsession with having the same surname as your kids, though. I suppose I feel that they, you know, came out of my body. They are so completely and totally my kids that giving them DH's surname was simply a (pretty pathetic) way of trying to even things out. If I could go back in time I might have wanted them to have my surname as their middle names (can't be doing with middle names otherwise, honestly what is the point?), but frankly I don't care now. They are my kids and will never be anything else, so why worry about details?

I changed my name, because I like DH's surname and my family's crazy.

But according to the mothers of posters on this thread, I'm still feminist because I don't iron, hate cooking and don't let boys be boys.

I purely want to change it because it'll sound better - DS2's name that is.

If I really wanted to get it on his birth certificate, I think I could marry DP, have us all take my surname, then get them to change DS2's name to our new family name/DP's new name (ie. my name), then DP could change his back again.

But that does seem like a lot of kerfuffle when I can just deed poll DS2's alone

DP could take mine, but it doesn't work well, my surname is better with a longer first name like mine and DS2's

My first name definitely sounds better with DH's surname, it's also a nicer surname. However there's no way on earth I'm changing to it.

I don't really understand the obsession with having the same surname as your kids, though. I suppose I feel that they, you know, came out of my body

Because I think the presumption that children take on their father's name is sexist. It's part of the tradition that says wife and family belong to the men. If they take on both names it's even they are taking on a part of both parents history.

Also I don't feel like giving birth to them was some sort of privilege. I did all the hard work and all their pregnancies and labors were really fucking hard work. Why shouldn't they also have my name?

Shit they get his name and I "get" to lose 3 stone in morning sickness and then walk around with a pillow after delivering all 10 pounds of them

Well I'm definitely going to do the double barrelled thing - I'm still working on STBH but my argument is "I'm bloody well not changing my name if you're not changing yours too"

I'm really indignant about the presumption that the woman changes her name and identity to fit a marriage and the man doesn't. To me it signifies how we're always supposed to be the adaptable ones who make things easier - well no bloody way. Plus, I might be over thinking that part, but why should it just be me going through the hassle of changing my name on everything?

And I like the idea of doing things the Spanish way when it comes to children - so they get double barrelled surnames, but then any girls would take forward my name and any boys take forward his name to the double barrelled part. Based on children I haven't had yet agreeing to those terms

Ahhhh is that how it works then! I was wondering what happens if a double barrelled meets a double barrelled!

You've solved it OneFlew

I would love to claim credit for it, but sadly I only stole it from others far smarter than I am. It's quite nice, because in Spain you get women with the matri-lineal name, and men with their patri-lineal name which means I'd have had a FAR better surname than I have now!

What a lovely and equal way to work it out.

trying not to face up to then having a horrible surname if England followed the same custom