My mother just told me off for being "too feminist"...

[bagelfiend]

.... Because I said that I don't think I should have to change my name when I get married.

She proceeded to tell me that "it's been that way for years- why get fussy and change it now?"

I struggle to believe that she made me

Yay Penguins!

Nolim - yes, you will. Every single one of my friends addresses Christmas cards to us as Mr and Mrs DHsurname, including the one I quoted in my first post. I didn't tell people I was keeping mine unless they asked, I assumed no one would have the cheek to start calling me Mrs DHsurname without me asking them to, how wrong I was! Apparently it's very insulting to some married women if you address them as Miss or Ms Ownsurname if you aren't sure they've changed. To top it all I was on a thread the other week where people were saying YABVU to ask a woman if they are changing their surname on marriage as it's none of your business and a loaded question, depending one what you did yourself. It's a minefield.

Women regularly dying during childbirth- "it's been that way for years, why change it now?". Ok... Maybe not the greatest example but you get the picture!

Best part of sock and pants ironing is that they told me on my first day and I laughed it off thinking they were joking.
They were deadly serious. Made baby DCs drawers much more aesthetically pleasing

Indeed - smallpox: "it's been that way for years, why change it now?"

Sounds like she's reflecting the values of her arse-ish partner. Has she always been so extreme?

You've hit the nail on the head tribpot. She is very easily influenced. Very hard to believe that she was married to my super-liberal dad for 12 years.

So hard to tell whether she has always been like this but it's likely that she has and me and DB have changed enough since leaving home to realise how peculiar her views are.

It honestly amazes me how many of my friends (all of whom would self-identify as feminists) changed their names on marriage, without even really thinking about. That "it's what you do" mentality is so pernicious. Also, I guess the months before a wedding are so stressful anyway, and women are at their most loved-up and man-pleasy.

I wonder whether if the system suddenly changed and you didn't go from being Miss Jane Smith to being Mrs Peter Jones, but went from being Jane to being Ofpeter, women would think a bit more about it.

In fairness, even many women who have changed their name.object to Mrs Peter Jones. I damn well would.

Okay, fair enough. So if you didn't become Mrs Jane Jones but Mrs Ofpeter Smith.

(Actually I know what would happen - MN would be full of women saying, "Well, I always hated the name Jane..." )

Don't you mean Mrs Jane OfPeter?

Oh please retort (I know it's too late but somehow work it into a conversation) "My name has been Bagel Fiend for years and years! Why would I change it now?"

OMG on ironing socks and pants!

This year I had a christmas card addressed to Mrs Raspberry marriedsurname even though the sender knew I split with exH 2 years ago and have FB account in my maiden name (I'm FB friends with sender of card). Apparently even when no longer together it is still more acceptable to address you as Mrs previousmarriedsurname than risk Ms Maidenname. Maybe it was the possibility of having to use Ms that offended them.

Penguins - no, I'm speculating about what would happen if it was your first name and not your surname that changed.

Although I daresay you could be Mrs Ofpeter Smith-Jones if you wished, then your children would have the same surname as you.

Oh I see

I wanted me and my husband to share a surname with our kids and was too young and inexperienced to know options other than (i) change, (ii) don't change and kids have his name or (iii) double barrell and kids have his name. I think sometimes people on here get beaten up for not being imaginative in a vacuum.

OP, any future children could have your surname if you want to have the same surname as them. They don't have to have their father's surname.

Well, at least some posters have made the point that attitudes about name changing are not necessarily an age thing. I did not change my name, and I would be willing to bet that I am older than the OP's mother.

I wasn't bothered about changing my name. Dh was. It was in his eyes what you did. I was bothered about him saying he wasn't going to wear a wedding ring.

We compromised. I'd change my name if he agreed to wear the ring.

He's lost said ring twice now and I only regret changing my name when I book flights online with BA. Surname has an apostrophe. Apparently BA can cope with Irish sounding names -O'something. But not my A'something name. They always leave the apostrophe out.

Some people iron socks to kill off any nasties that don't die in a 30 degree wash. (not me. I'm normal)

I changed my name after what I remember as a yr delay to marriage over this issue. Dh doesn't see it that way even after the debates we had about it. I did want the same family name for all of us. i think the only fair way is to make up a completely new name for a newly-created family. And why not?Surnames are only another social invention, not that old really. Different societies have different solutions. The 'keeping it down the male line' was because women were posessions, not people. Mash the two existing names together to make a new one or just make it up!

Ironing as a form of pasteurising?

"Why be fussy". Names are important. They are the starting point of, at least public, identity.

I have heard that ironing socks is a good idea if you've had athlete's foot.

I don't think I've ever seen two such diverse topics going along in one thread.

Yeah, well these are the feminist boards. Best bit of mumsnet.

Ironing the gusset of your pants is a good idea if you're prone to thrush - normal washes don't get rid of the spores.

Lightning reminds me of some friends of mine who took the first two letters of her surname, first two of his and added 'us' to signify togetherness to make a new surname. If DH and I had done that our surname would have been 'Pinuus'. Oddly not tempting in our case but could work well for others.

And on the related topic of killing 'sock germs' (whatever they are) - surely you'd put the socks through a hotter wash if you really thought this was necessary . When I was doing work experience in Spain I had to rip up paper as it was cheaper to use me than the shredder. That's right up there in terms of soul destroying work - I feel the need for a sole/soul pun here somewhere :)