Feminist Pub 16: where the Bluestockings develop armoured stockings to deal with the thousand paper cuts

[FibonacciSeries]

Carry on.

Fib I'm sorry for the shit work news - but sorrier for them if it means they don't keep you!

Lightning my local sample size of 1 also says the same!

Sample size of 2 here, and they also get pissed off with other men's behaviour. Only 50% of them feel able to call other men out on it, the other 50% just feel uncomfortable and use their mum as an example of NAWALT when it comes to discussions like that.

V interested in the Nature/Nurture thing as well.

Buffy that must be really difficult to cope with. DS finds the SPD the hardest thing to deal with, he can cope now with not really understanding about 50% of what people say to him, unless he has time to really think about it, what he can't cope with is the random things that make him want to flap or otherwise stim.

Yes, that sounds like pretty much classic stimming. DS is a tapper, but when younger flapped. He also hums to create 'white noise' in his head when noises get to him. He will always do it, it's just a feature of him, hopefully, as he matures, he'll be able to direct his stim into something more socially acceptable, like a whole body shudder.

I'm reading your conversation with interest Buffy and Puffins as I display some similar behaviour and have been told by various professionals that it's linked to OCD.

I'm a little worried about DD2 and some of her behaviours and am going to talk to school next week

sorry that should have been not

Demis, are you concerned that your DD is showing signs of being on the spectrum? If so, you need to make sure that the school is aware of the different ways that ASD presents in females to males. And, that symptoms which would be major flags in boys are often masked in girls.

Having done a fair bit of reading around the subject with 2 ds's on the spectrum, it would be a miracle if I'm not also on it girls just aren't picked up, and even when parents have concerns, their concerns are brushed away by teachers who are unaware of the differences in presentation.

Just out of interest, did you Buffy, or your dd Demis walk on tiptoes as a small child?

NvN... well thankfully they won't. Or rather, they will only ever be able to say that, for instance, on average 60% of men are 60% better on these tasks. More would have been shown up by now. And on those numbers, some men will immediately jump up and down and try to use them as an excuse, but the individual dynamics would trump. (not doing v well on the imagining front)

If 100% were 100% better there wouldn't be a discussion, because men would be so obviously better there'd be no female representation at all!

The p. 3 thing... no. But that's what the thread's for.

Honestly Puffins I have no idea. I haven't though seriously about ASD but there's...something, and I don't know whether it's just her idiosyncrasies and shouldn't worry, or that she's only little (she's 5 next month), or something more definitive than that. She's a such a happy, friendly, bouncy girl but she has these flashes of anger and has hit other kids, which her teacher thinks is "strange" because she's so articulate she should be able to verbalise how she feels or what she wants to happen or go and tell a teacher. But she has a very strong sense of what is "right" or "fair" if that makes sense, so e.g won't tolerate someone trying to take something when it's her go (and she's waited patiently for her turn). She won't wear clothes at home. She is sensitive to external stimuli but not in a way that makes her anxious all the time, just sometimes. She's very bright and "phenomenally" good at maths (teacher's words). So I don't know what to make of it.

Don't remember her walking on her tiptoes, no.

Thanks for the link Buffy, I'll have a read.

Buffy mentioned people getting affronted by the notion of socialisation a little while back. Why is that? Is it just the thought that we might not be 100% in control of our own minds?

I've been thinking recently, if it weren't for Terry Pratchett my brain might never have found itself suitably aligned for radical feminism. Specifically, The Science of Discworld II. Has anyone read it and has a vague idea what I mean? I'm a bit too hungover to get to the end of this train of thought by myself.

Brid I have read many disc world books but not that one specifically

My mother is a gp and says that with the benefit of hindsight and experience (professionally and with my brother) she would probably have pushed for testing me for adhd

Thanks Buffy

"Buffy mentioned people getting affronted by the notion of socialisation a little while back. Why is that? Is it just the thought that we might not be 100% in control of our own minds?"

Would they prefer to be controlled by their biology? Or is it perhaps because as we become adults, we can to at least a certain extent choose our influences and guide our own behaviours and some find that a little frightening? Throwing thoughts out here.

Maybe. I often find myself challenged by my own socialisation and ingrained assumptions. It is quite galling when you think you see things clearly and try to carefully work out how things might be from another person's POV and it turns out that there was something clouding my judgement

I suppose if you can place it at the door of biology there is less impetus to change, because that would be"working against nature"

Yeah 'there is no such thing as society'. that is so laughably wrong.

It could also be a question then of taking responsibility for our actions. All of them. All of the time. Which can be a bit difficult, e.g if you've just been woken up for the 5th time in one night after a whole week, month or 5 years of bad sleep (almost enough to make me wish for teenagers ).

Demi, I have a DD who is on the spectrum. Our whole family, both sides, is riddled with symptoms, and my Dad very definitely should have been diagnosed but it is too late now (in his 80s).

What makes me mad is the excuse that it's all so modern, people didn't used to know about it. Well ADHD was first noted, although not by that name, in the late 1600s. Because history is written by the winners, we don't hear the narrative of people who struggled with these things. I have quite a few sensory issues, as does DD, and I cannot wear wool, even a 5% mix of it drives me crazy. We never hear of people back in days of yore hating itchy wool, even though it was often the only material, but they must have existed. So why are all these people ignored throughout history?

Partly because it's a minor detail that gets glossed over, but also because it is a convenient narrative that this is new and we are asking for too much too soon when we expect understanding and accommodation.

Hello!

I'm only partially defrosted after outing to the countryside.

I'm completely not interested in the nature-nurture debate, but with the same reasons as buffy.