Feminist Pub 16: where the Bluestockings develop armoured stockings to deal with the thousand paper cuts

[FibonacciSeries]

Carry on.

First time I met dp we talked about the spaghetti bolognese he had jut made. Iirc the extent of my sparkling wit was "ooh you've made bolognese!" (as if he hadn't noticed)

Shy is ok, neither of you trying to dominate the other, sounds nice unless conversation was really stilted.

True, but I quite fancy some spark, since the spark was the bit that'd gone with my marriage. Since you say inappropriate, I will shame myself and admit that I did manage to apologize to someone after sex once ... because it wasn't good for me. I have issues.

My director has banned me from apologising. I have noticed that I don't have a problem with being apologetic with people whose opinion I don't care about, because I am not really worried about upsetting them in any way, and I tend not to apologise to them at all.

It does of course mean that I end up apologising for apologising...

I did manage to apologize to someone after sex once
You're not the only person who has done that, and not just in a "sorry for jabbing you with my elbow," sort of way.

petula, that would totally be my level of conversation.

buffy - aww. And yes, as in online dating - and, I agree - I'm partly on there to make friends, because it's nice in a new place.

EBear - oh, whew. I felt like such a tit. Glad I'm not alone.

Buffy did the sparks come when you saw him on a good hair day?

LRD I can guarantee you're not the only woman to have done that!

That sounds perfect, buffy.

I'm realizing I'm finding this actually quite hard. I don't want to talk about specifics, but I'm getting increasingly angry that I've spent a lot of time avoiding 'spark' because of what I suppose is abuse.

When I first met DH there was definitely no spark. In fact I thought he was a bit of an idiot. I still think he's a bit of an idiot, but in a good way!

Come to think of it, I don't think we've ever had a "spark". We're just really good mates. Who happen to shag. I mean, I don't expect sparks from my friendships, and apparently not from my life-mate either!

We don't have sparks either, we have a very relaxed friendship with some sex thrown in. I did have sparks with dd1's father but he was an arse so I think I've been turned off spark.

I don't take too much notice of me thinking I see sparks these days, not after I asked out a bloke who was gay, and everyone else knew, but thought it more amusing not to tell me. I am totally incompetent at telling if there's a spark.

Well, I have had spark with people, and I miss it.

I don't know if we're talking about the same thing, though.

I think probably most good relationships start and end by being friendly, don't they?

Oh, I miss spark too. The nurse sticking a needle in me to give blood last week is the only physical contact I've had with anyone since sometimes before Christmas. Having as much association with someone for there to be spark just doesn't seem any sort of possibility these days.

I think most good relationships do start with friendship, but I am hardly an expert. They probably should start with friendship, and I wonder if all the threads in Relationships, whether all of those started with friendship.

Ouch! Yes, that's not really ideal contact-wise.

I told DS1 that I hated his bedtime book. I am a Bad Parent.

In my defence, it's a series where the boys do all the adventuring and the girls do the tidying up.

We read a book about a dog instead

What was his bedtime book? The Famous Five?

I have two important things to say this morning:

1. Having a "collaboration" wished upon you is pants. To hell with collaboration. I'm a loner and proud of it.

2. If I see another instruction to an 8yo to "look up on the internet to find out about X" I shall have to eat the fucking school.

That is all.

As you were.

Driving many miles this morning to look at a house. Please cross all available fingers.

A friend has just posted link to a Torygraph article on FB which says that evil mothers are being overly hostile after divorce and denying contact to loving fathers.

Now in her case, she is married to a man who fought tooth and nail for many years to be allowed to see his children. He is a lovely man, and for all that I don't know his ex or her side of the story, I know he was genuinely devastated to be denied access, and really did fight with all he had. In the end, the courts supported him and he was allowed access again.

So yes, some parents of both genders are capable of being utter dicks and use their children as weapons in a divorce. And given her background, I can see why she is skeptical of some mothers. But really? It's always the mother's fault when dads don't get the access they want? Nothing to do with dad not stepping up? Nothing to do with what the courts decide is in the best interests of the child?

I'm not going to engage with her because I know it won't end well, but what an irresponsible article on the part of the Torygraph.

And that brings us back to the patriarchy. DP's job means that he's out of the house around 7:30-8, and back again about 6:30 if he's lucky (once or twice a week he'll be late).

As soon as DS1 wasn't being fed to sleep I handed the bedtime over to DP - which despite some protestation at first, has been his job ever since.

Should we ever split (not likely, but obviously you never know) I want him to have a fighting chance of getting equal custody - and if he never did anything for the kids then that just wouldn't be as likely because they want to give the kids some continuity.

This is what actually silenced a weird MRA type I accidentally spoke to on Facebook - I stayed reasonable, pointed a of study that showed that the majority of mothers bent over backwards to facilitate contact (was from Sussex if I remember rightly - questioned the kids of separated couples), that the way to ensure you get to look after your children after divorce, is to look after them before divorce etc.

I don't even think that most of the time it's intentional on the part of the men - patriarchy again - they just go out to work, and leave all the kid stuff to the mother, and that lackadaisical behaviour comes back to bite them at an already difficult time for everyone, when no-one is really thinking straight.

Does anyone know why the thread on "No Platforming" was deleted? I thought it was an interesting event.