Feminist Pub 15: The Bluestocking hangs up its, err, stocking and hopes for a chatty Christmas and a Feminist New Year

[YonicSleighdriver]

Festive greetings!

This is the 15th incarnation of the Pub and is meant as a place to drop by with random thoughts and meandering chats, on feminist or other related themes. Anything you want to mull over but not necessarily start a thread about. Alternatively, get some booze and snacks and hang out! Lurkers, newbies and oldbies welcome.

We have a pub goat, a feminist cannon for firing at crazy sexists and we cheer each other up when patriarchy grinds us down...

Last pub drinkie linkie:

Pub 14

Hope things get sorted for you soon kickass

I'm off to work. I'm scared I might end up crying in my meeting with bosses boss. I really don't have time to have this meeting, and I'm already at the absolute limit of workload. I don't think I can deal with another 'how can you ensure you have more space at work to do activities x, y and z' conversation without reacting badly. Do you think if I shout 'because I've been handling the workload of two people for over a year and people like you keep putting meetings in my diary which is already full' and burst into tears and run to the toilets she might leave me in peace for a bit?

Oubliette, that sucks. I had a manager once who told me that this is how he dealt with a situation where people were going on and on about how he wasn't delivering enough: he told them that he agreed with them and then brought up a list of things he wanted THEM to do so that he could actually achieve his targets. He got them to commit time, resources, the whole lot and they couldn't say no because they'd been banging on about how important it was that all that work got done. It was gutsy, but it worked for him (I don't think I'd be able to pull one like this but I thought it would be worth mentioning)

oubliette that sounds utterly shit, I'm sorry

Pinking shears - I had to google. This list includes a pair with a longer handle. Most don't mention handles, unless it's to specify they're left- or right-handed.

he told them that he agreed with them and then brought up a list of things he wanted THEM to do so that he could actually achieve his targets.

I have heard of people doing this, but not anyone I actually know. It would be great if you can do it, but I can't help suspecting the response with us would be to say, "I understand that, but you know we've had a budget cut/ round of redundancies, so you just have to make it work." The response to that should be reiterating what you need to achieve the target and emphasising that it won't be possible without X, Y, Z - but you would need to be really good at negotiating and so on. We'd probably get a black mark for negative attitude.

Yeah, he was quite senior in the organization, so rather good at negotiating. I don't think I'd be able to pull this one off at all, but since he told me that story I have certainly got better at saying "the demands are unrealistic with these resources, these are the things I would need, if I can't get them then this is how I'm going to prioritise".

I have brought lists into meetings too - for those where I want people to do things, and those where I want answers. You either have to be very senior to do this, or so junior that people just ignored you. I belonged to the later class.

It is nearly Christmas so you can drink in the morning. Yes?

Am in soft play hell. And had argument with DH re sleep!

How was the meeting OB?

DH's birthday present sorted in 24 minutes. > Tell me I'm the most efficient person in the Copper Household. >

Penguins > Did you bring ear plugs? And sorry to hear about sleep. What were you arguing about?

Very efficient

I told DH it was alright for him (he's away a couple of nights a week and doesn't deal with Chick in the night when he is here as he just wants boob). He said he resented that. Then DD2 randomly woke up five times last night and he is like a bear with a sore head having done one night of what I have had for about 10 months.

Penguins

I take lists into meetings. I run my whole life on lists, so meetings are no different. I also ask questions, and have followed up on presentations with questions, including to senior managers. I reckon about 80% answer, and I only chase up if it's something I need to know, rather than I'm just curious about. But it makes me ask more questions, because firstly I like to know things - but also, whether and how people respond tells you something about them. I have a much better opinion of dome of our senior managers as a result (less favourable in one case, but I usually get a positive response.)

Also, half the time, I've no idea if people are senior or not. I've just got chatting to someone in the kitchen area or been given their name because of a particular project or something. I don't care if they're a director or VP or a techy with no one reporting to them, as long as they have the info I want or can point me in the direction of someone who can. Of course, I might just be pissing a load of people off, but I think most people are quite glad someone shows an interest.

Bugger. I have just mistakenly engaged with a lunatic masculinist on facebook. I should have clicked to see who he was before I opened my mouth, but no.. I didn't.. I'm just going to have to remain polite (he's already been rude), gloss over his intentional weird spelling (pharther, inphluence), and block him if he gets any wierder.

It's not about women on the front line is it chunky? I've seen some thoroughly bonkers comments about that

I was on the BBC article on women on the front line on FB, Petula, and it did get very weird. But some good comments too.

At my aqua-fit class this morning (only my second class and the first with the usual instructor) Blurred Lines came on, so I had to ask the instructor to please change the track. She looked slightly bemused but did change it. After the class I spoke to her about it and apologised for disrupting the class but said that the song was really quite offensive and not appropriate. She seemed fine with that but said it was on her CD as the women in another class she runs had requested it!

And then I had the fucking song stuck in my head all the way home.

I've never heard Blurred LInes.

No - it was about prosecuting women who obstruct kids contact with fathers - it was pointless to respond, I should have just blocked the person that liked it, but I had to ask if the plan was also to prosecute parents who didn't bother to turn up for arranged contact, or who didn't bother to contact at all.

He's a determined woman hater though, despite my carefully neutral language regarding parents he pushed back that it wasn't about individual fathers not turning up for contact, but about a mass movement of women refusing contact. So he's been reading from the MRA playbook definitely, and that 88% of women have admitted to interfering with contact arrangements (whatever that actually means, and whereever that stat came from). I responded to that with a paper from the university of Sussex where they spoke to nearly 4 hundred kids from separated relationships, and it found that overwhelmingly the resident parent did all they could to facilitate contact. I was extra, Extra polite, and suggested that perhaps our misunderstanding was because things are different in the UK to the US. We'll see how rude he is back.

That sounds infuriating. Dd1's father tells everyone that it's my fault he doesn't see her because I went home to my parents when we split. I agree that it's difficult to see her, seeing as he lives abroad, but he hasn't even emailed, written or phoned since she was 6 weeks old. He could have maintained a relationship with her, even if it was an odd long distance one. But he chose not to and that's somehow my fault

Yay - made it to the weekend I'm in denial about the 6 days of work I somehow have to fit into 3 days next week

I managed not to cry at work today (although I've been feeling fairly tearful for most of the day). Tired and stressed isn't a good combination. DH should be back in a couple of hours - very much looking forward to seeing him (haven't really seen him since Monday - on the days he's been at home he's been out of the house before I was awake and back home after I'd gone to bed).

Can I have a large G&T and sit quietly for a bit (need some winding down time before I'm fit to socialise)?

He gave in. his only reply is 'Uh-Huh'

Who knew insistent politeness would work against someone quite so strange (he even has a weird, kinda gaelic fake name he uses - very strange bloke, yet prolific when I googled him).

Dragonlette - I don't know how different it is in the US where he presumably gets his statistics from, but in my circle, of the split couples, firstly they're generally amicable, and where they're not, the resident parent bends over backwards still to make sure their kids get to spend time with the other parent - you only have to read the relationship boards here to see what people put up with before they even slightly attempt to rock the boat!

I have just applied for a photocard for DS1. How has the time gone so quickly!?

And where do older DC keep their oyster card/keys/phones/money? Do they have wallets?

In the pockets of patriarchy

Or the wallets of patriarchy.