what can i do to change this?

[flanjabelle]

I have recently left an emotionally and financially abusive relationship. I posted a while back and got the guts to Chuck him out.

Since we have split things have escalated and I had to stop him from seeing dd. He is a drug addicted, aggressive bully.

I tried to protect dd by getting legal orders to stop him from coming to our home, from having contact with dd and to make sure it's clear she is to be with me in case he tried to take her.

Despite being financially eligible for legal aid, I do not meet the other criteria as he has not been physically abusive. I was told by several different solicitors that I would need to have either; been in a refuge, been to the gp several times with injuries from dv and they could provide a letter or there be an on going investigation with the police for dv.

I have sought advice from a domestic abuse centre and they feel that I am at a medium risk of harm from my ex due to his behaviour so far. They are the ones who have advised me to try and get the legal orders following him becoming verbally abusive in front of baby dd, frightening her.

I am now in the situation of having to wait until things escalate further to be able to get help. This is madness surely? In general, there is a huge motion of awareness of domestic abuse in all forms, not just physical violence, but when it comes to it only physical violence counts.

I have spoken again to the domestic abuse advisors and they think it's madness. My situation is volatile to say the least, and I clearly need to keep my ex away from dd. The only option I have now is to refuse contaxt, keep dd with me at all times and wait.

I don't think there is any hope for my situation, but this is wrong. How can I make my feelings heard? There must be so many women in situations like mine who really need the legal help but can't access it until it's too late. Why wait until it has escalated to physical violence? Why doesn't the system help protect women and children in my situation? Is there anything I can do?

Thanks for reading, sorry its so long.

Well if you want a response then of course you should have one.

1. Yes, I do (respect women)
2. Not applicable
3. No (If I understand your question correctly)

4 No.

You may believe that you respect women, but some of your comments are not terribly respectful of women. How does that square with you? What does that mean for your personal development as a feminist (if indeed you do describe yourself as a feminist)? I think you still have some way to go.

007

The OP wants to prevent any contact between her daughter and the child's father. Any court will be very slow to make such an order. If the OP wants to have a lawyer put this position to the family court, then she will need properly reasoned and cogent arguments as to why the court should agree with her. Sure go have a lawyer who is assertive, but she may well find that the antics of 'rottweiler' maybe well prove counter productive.

A solicitor found through Women's Aid or the like would be very well versed in family law and in abusive relationships cadno. Surely you can see Rottweiler was used as a loose, glib description of someone who would fight the abused woman's corner.

Oh dear. I didn't expect all that when I came back to the thread!

Wow, your sexist slip is showing again. Why can't a Rottweiler lawyer put forward reasoned and cogent argument? Your view of a Rottweiler lawyer appears to be one who is shouty and argumentative, stalling and obstructive. Why is that cadno? Why do you have such a view of a lawyer for a female? Do men only make good choices about lawyers in divorces? I really think you should examine your thoughts processes as there are some really, really, gaping flaws...

And apologies flanga. Start a new thread in Relationships and you will get lots of help there. There people there are very knowledgeable.