Would you get rid of the titles "Miss" and "Mrs" and use just "Ms" if you could?

[peppaistired]

I would like to campaign somewhere about this. I don't see the point in having so many titles around for women, and only one and simple for men: "Mr"
After all, why should people or society care if we're married, or single? They don't seem to care in the case of men, why is there still an issue with women's marital status?

I like the idea of a family identity together teacher and all having the same name. If I were ever in that position though I'd really struggle, so I'd be conflicted. I have a name, I like it. I wouldn't want DP to change his either he wouldn't anyway. I would feel it was very strange for someone to take my name. He has a name and that is his identity.

In a hypothetical future I'd prefer Ms to Mrs as the only title for adult women, Mrs has too much baggage as it would still hark back to the days when women were called it because they were married. Ms has always meant adult female of no specific marital status and so is free of that baggage and is preferable to me (and it sounds nicer).

Yes, I would get rid of the titles Miss and Mrs like a shot. Why should women be defined by their relationship to a man? As for arguing that Mrs makes you feel proud of your lovely hubby/special etc or that Ms is all feminist and scary.... no comment!

Something like that Yonic [Grin]

Some double barrelled names are absurd. Mine would have been, one way was rude and the other was rude and French, which somehow drew attention to it and made it worse. I was married 15 years before it occurred to me that I could have double barrelled with my Mum's maiden name (which I like and lots of my cousins have). I may get round to changing it one day. My Mum's name is much nicer than my Dad's and she still changed it. I don't think it would have occurred to her not to and my Dad would have been laughed out of the working mens club if he'd changed his (Northern mining town in the '60s)

One of the best things you could do to increase the uptake of Ms is telling young women how it is pronounced (Miss, Mizz, M s or something else?) and that they CAN choose to use it and why it would be a good idea to.

I became a Mrs [DH's Surname] when I got married because I just thought it was what everyone did if they changed name, and I preferred DH's surname to my maiden name [also used in name calling and associated with a father I had fallen out with at the time].

I thought that Ms was what you became if you divorced and kept your exH's name.

If I was to divorce DH (no plans ) then I think I would change my name to Ms [name which works well as a surname that I chose as a second middle name for our DS].

I suppose I could start using Ms. [DH Surname] on unimportant web forms now, but I suppose if I was to want to use it on on financial/identity/credit related things I'd need to do it all at once to not be flagged up as a fraud risk?

Has anyone gone from calling themselves Mrs to Ms without ending their marriage? :) Or would it be easier to just drop using titles anyway?

I think women like to be called Mrs because it's what most of the grown-up women around them were called when they were growing up, it signifies adulthood. Of course it is unfair to treat unmarried/divorced/etc women as if they have not properly grown up yet.

teacher Surely the whole point is that you shouldn't really need to be making these choices based on how you think others perceive you, you should be able to use a non-loaded title in the same way that all the male teachers in your school do.

Interestly you choose the the option that makes you appear least threatening to people. The very fact that you perceive that people would be somehow put out by you being either Dr or Ms demonstrates the problem, a man never (or very very rarely) has to consider how his title portrays him to the world, for him it just is Mr.

Personally I'd rather let

Has anyone gone from calling themselves Mrs to Ms without ending their marriage?

I did. I married quite young and didn't know any mss except a divorced aunt so I changed to Mrs by default. I've been a Ms for about 10 years. Some some of my old bank stuff is still Mrs because I haven't bothered to change it. No-one seems to care. It's just like some people might have Mrs on one card but Dr on another with a different bank.

"How would not being Mrs affect you badly STD?"

By taking away something that is a part of who I am.

By showing me that other women have decided that I am less able to make an informed choice than them, because my choice is different to theirs.

By making me feel something I have said No to is being forced on me.

By making me feel that I am considered less intelligent, less caring, less evolved than the women who freely choose the title Ms.

Yeah, I see that for individual couples, they may have a lovely and very equal discussion about how they move forward with their names after marriage. But the fact that his honorific does' t change is an inequality, whether it felt like you were equal as you discussed it, or not.

To me, it is not about me feeling equal, or empowered by marriage. It is about the fact that however I feel, my title confers inequality, because there is not a straightforward equivalent to Mr, and because the options I have arise from a patriarchal history in which I am defined principally by my relationship to men. Which isn't to say that I don't feel personally pleased by my relationship to one particular man; those feelings, however, are not the issue because they do not impact on my social status. My honorific does.

I just use Ms whenever I fill in a form, none of my bank cards have a title, it's not in my passport or driving licence, when I got married the mortgage company changed me from ms to miss, it doesn't really have a big impact on anyone.

Interestingly when I started work as Ms the Miss/ Mrs dominated telephone list started to become much more Ms heavy, I don't think there are any Miss left.

spiritedwolf i don't think it would be flagged up as a fraud risk if you used both titles interchangeably

i have financial documentation both as ms and miss, because some dates back a decade or more ago when ms wasn't an option on all forms, and i am too lazy to change it. it hasn't caused any problems at all wrt credit checks etc.

i think you may well be right about adulthood and the socialisation aspect of what we saw as we grew up

I'd buy the idea that marriage were a crucial factor that should be asserted in the public sphere if men had an honorific that asserted it.

Has anyone gone from calling themselves Mrs to Ms without ending their marriage?

Me. I'm also looking into either double barreling or reverting to my birth surname as well, inspired by another poster on FWR. Having recently moved house and having to change details anyway, it seemed like a good time to change things.

Ps, I have a very happy marriage. This is a political and conscious decision.

I also live in the far north, no one's keeled over yet

I can't stand being called Ms. I get irate when I receive letters to Ms and I am very happy with Mrs. Surely it's up to individuals how they wish to be addressed.

SDTG i don't htink choosing ms is such a free choice tbh. i have chosen it, but as evidence shows on this thread it is not without baggage. i've just decided that that is baggage i prefer to put up with over the baggage attached to miss

I don't think you are making a less informed choice than me, SDTG. I think you are making a choice that contributes to my oppression. I don't think it illiberal to deny you the right to make choices that contribute to my oppression. It would not oppress you to lose this choice, though I see it would be counter to your preference. If you needed a choice like this to be fully liberated, men would definitely have it.

Boys and young men used to be called Master. If we can't stop defining women by the man they are linked to (or not linked to) then why not unmarried men continuing to be called Master and only becoming Mr when they marry?

After all, if society deems it so important to know a woman's marital status - as if it matters a tuppenny damn - then why shouldn't society know a man's marital status?

After all, if society deems it so important to know a woman's marital status - as if it matters a tuppenny damn - then why shouldn't society know a man's marital status?

^^ yy this.

Teachers are called Sir and Miss whatever their formal title, right?

I use Ms on everything apart from my main bank account which is miss as I opened it before uni. Never had a fraud problem.

DressingGownFrown, if your fiancé wants to mark your wedding with some change, he could take your name?

I think this vile oppressor should probably leave this thread.

I've always been Ms., but I also did not take my husband's name when we married so it would have been very strange to be Mrs. Mybirthname.

The only time I am ever called Mrs. is in the UK. There is no title on my credit cards or passport, but when people hand them back to me, I often get called Mrs. Mybirthname.

I don't really understand how a union can be 'celebrated' by only half of itself changing title and name - as if one half is so utterly thrilled to be married it becomes their actual identity and the other can barely contain their indifference

(from about 3 million posts ago, this is a long thread on a small screen and I refuse to use pages)