How much time and money do you think goes in to being a woman?

[FuckOffFerret]

Most women I know wear make up. They get their hair dyed. They shave or wax, have their lips/eyebrows done. Now that fanjo hair has gone the way of the dodo how much do people spend on that?

The average "groomed" woman must spend a fortune and hours of their week to look the way they do :( It's depressing how much of our lives (and out money) is just going down the pan to be seen as acceptable.

Well it's not compulsory, I'm not groomed. But I do feel pressure, so it'd be nice to be un-groomed and not feel like I'm not a proper grown-up woman without it.

I still spend more time and money on the small amount of grooming I do do than DP does though.

But I do feel pressure, so it'd be nice to be un-groomed and not feel like I'm not a proper grown-up woman without it.

That's the thing isn't it. If you're not wearing makeup or earrings or makeup, you've somehow failed a bit. No one has ever once asked my fh why hasn't "made an effort" if he hasn't done any of the above. He literally just needs to wash and use deodorant.

I was thinking recently about the "lack of sex" threads over in relationshups.

If men aren't getting enough sex they are asked if they are "helping" out their partener enough. Doing their share of the dishes/talking care of the children..It's a fair question, but these are the things men should be doing 1/2 of anyway. It shouldn't guarentee you sex.

When I see threads about women who feel their sex lives have gone off the boil, they get asked if they "still make an effort", if they've gained weight lately. They should buy new knickers and truss themselves up a bit. I've even seen people (no on MN!) suggest strip tease. The assumption is that women are already doing their half of the work but maybe they just aren't hot enough. No one ever expects any of this from men.

I agree OP. Some female colleagues of mine - the most successful ones dare I add must spend a fortune on grooming. Clothes are expensive and replaced regularly. Hair cut and styled regularly. Regular professional pedicures. Slim figures so gym membership.

I am much less 'successful looking'. But I refuse to change my habits. I can neither justify the time or expense. Hair appointments are annoyingly time-consuming - so I just grow my hair. Clothes shopping for well-tailored outfits and shoes takes a lot of time that I just don't have.

I especially don't know how mothers find the time for all this - single women I can understand a bit more having more time and cash probably.

And yes, even though I'm low maintenance I spend a lot more time and money on my appearance than DH does on his.

As much or as little as you want to.

I rarely wear make up so it lasts me years (yes I know you are supposed to throw it out after 3 months but bugger that! ) Probably a tenner a year. My powder ran out a few months ago after about 3 years. I will likely need another mascara this year, foundation will last probably another year or two.

I do dye my hair - livexxl at home. A fiver every couple of months.

I don't wax or thread or anything like that. I shave and I pluck. Replaced my tweezers a while back - £14. They'll last me for years.

No intimate grooming goes on here. Anyone tries to come near my genitals with hot wax and I'll rip their arm off and beat them to death with it.

I have enough clothes and about half a dozen pairs of shoes (I had more but realised I never wore them so I gave them away). one bag that I got from a charity shop.

Do not get me started on the 'helping' out issue babysitting your own kids. Oh he is SO great. He actually changed a nappy once in 1974. Well excuse me but doing the very basics for the child you created does not put you on the new year's honours list. It's the very least a child has a right to expect from a parent and doing it does not make you a great person. It makes you an adequate parent.

Why do you 'feel pressure' - I don't feel any pressure to dye my hair, shave my fanjo or doing anything else like that . I do put on a tiny bit of make up (mascara/lipstick) as I prefer my face that way when I look in the mirror but I am certainly not preening myself up for my DH or anyone else for that matter.

Neither my DH spend much time or effort on our appearance but I am still confident that we are happy individuals contributing to society - I think it is sad that your feel your self esteem is wrapped up in your appearance.

'Who' is saying that the average woman has to spend a fortune and hours of their time on their appearance? . Who are you mixing with if this is your 'norm'? It is clearly a marketing dream that so many people are willing to spend so much money on cosmetics/beauty treatments etc - but there is no Law that says you have to and more of us should be confident in how we look rather than wasting spending money on appearance.

Define "being a woman"

Great thread!
I am slatternly. I wash and use deodorant and brush my hair but that's it. I don't really shave or wear make up or have my hair styled. Sometimes I notice that I'm the only person in the room to have bobbles (the ones you get when jersey type fabric starts to wear a bit) or fading on my clothes.

I was on a train recently and the woman opposite was really put together and I was trying to figure out how she did it. At a guess I came up with:

1. Haircut every 6 weeks
2. Shaving legs every few days
3. Maybe waxing - not sure how often people do this
4. Make up and hair styling every day
5. People have "skin care regimes" don't they. No idea what this consists of but I imagine you do it every day. (I remember reading something as a kid about putting your face over a bowl of steaming hot water to lure out the blackheads but I imagine things have moved on since then)
6. Buy new make up- every month (does that sound right?)
7. Clothes shopping- once a month or more

It does seem to be a lot of effort and I was just idly wondering how I would go about it- if I wanted to pull off that look. I imagined myself diarising all of the above, so I would remember what I was meant to be doing and when.

Then I realised that "real women" probably don't diarise. They just think about that kind of stuff all the time- so they don't even need to remind themselves. Which struck me as a bit depressing to be honest.

It's great you don't feel any pressure to do things, but it's not honest to pretend there isn't pressure to do so.

Dh watches a lot of TV I count the adverts selling women shit as they come on. There might be 4 adverts in a row that sell women makeup/hair/"skinny" food. It's constant.

I don't wear makeup or dye my hair though I am starting to grey and feel weird about it. But I am not immune to people I know saying that they've "made an effort today" etc. The women I mix with would also be considered "low maintenance" by most people's standard but they still spend much more than their partners do on "grooming".

Errm well my mum and SIL must spend an absolute fortune on that sort of thing.
Its all too much effort for me so it doesn't cost me any more to be a woman than it costs DH to be a man. In fact it probably costs him more because being a man he has to get regular haircuts whereas I can leave mine to grow.

Then I realised that "real women" probably don't diarise. They just think about that kind of stuff all the time- so they don't even need to remind themselves. Which struck me as a bit depressing to be honest.

I think that at that point they move on to the point where they atart to see this as "pampering" and it has to become their hobby. Which is even more depressing.

Also Ragwort I didn't want to make this a TAAT but it was kind of inspired by the shaving thread in FWR. Where the OP is being pressured by her partner.

YY OP

The difference in what is expected of men and women in terms of appearance really grates on me.
For men simply being clean and wearing some clothes that aren't covered in grease is perfectly acceptable, but as a woman woe betide you if you choose not to wear makeup/ shave/ buy the latest fashion etc etc

I only wear makeup for parties/ clubbing and then it is very "theatrical" and more like face painting (think patterns) and haven't partied for years I dont remove any hair and haven't bought any beauty products for years (unless you count soap!)

I hardly ever buy clothes and I wear second hand para boots most of the time, so definitely no shoe collection here!!

I feel confident in my choices most of the time, but there are always people who judge, and when the comments do get to me a bit it makes me angry that women are made to feel bad for not conforming to what society deems as "attractive"

One of my friends spends £100s on hair removal, salons, nails etc. She has freely admitted she feels pressured to look as glamorous as possible and seems to spend half her life worrying about imagined flaws.

We are both extreme examples though, I get that, but it still makes me sad that so many women feel that pressure.

Isn't the the excessive personal grooming expected of adult women known as "the third shift" (the other two being paid work and house work)? I can't remember where I read that - The Beauty Myth? Living Dolls?

I have my haircut 3 or 4 times a year and that's it. I don't understand this idea of pressure. Is it a youth thing? I'm in my 50s but never bothered about make up or grooming, nor can I think of a single friend who does . I must live on a different planet to those who think these things matter.
I do notice if someone is heavily orange faced made up and dressed uncomfortably smart. Mainly because I wonder why?
Just vanity I guess?

It's about as akin to pampering as cleaning the kitchen floor is but I do it anyway, and the older I get the more I need to do. It's tedious and expensive and I resent it but if I don't do it I feel crap about myself.

Hair: about £140 every 6 weeks
Fanjo and eyebrows: about £40 every 6 weeks
Make-up: not loads, maybe £100 a year
Skincare, facials, botox etc: maybe £1000 a year
Gym: £40 a month
Running shoes and kit: maybe £150 a year

Time-wise I work from home so most days I don't do anything, but if I want to make myself fit to be seen it takes about an hour to shower, shave legs, dry hair, put on make-up etc.

I don't really count what I spend on running and gym though, as that's leisure rather than grooming. And I don't buy "diet" food. But it's a load of money.

Just to add to my last post, have worked out that I spend approx £10 - £15 a year on "beauty" products, compared to my friends £100 or so a month!

£1000 on skincare ????
really if you resent it don't do it- I'm sure the rest of the 'upkeep' is more than sufficient

Just vanity I guess?
I've known plenty of vain men who don't do that. So I think we might safely say there is a pressure to conform for women. Or do you think only women are vain?

righty there was a thread last week where the OP was considering signing themselves up to a 30 pound a month contract with a beauty salon for unlimited service. Loads of women on thread said it would save them a fortune. That's 340 a year NOT even counting makeup hair products etc. Just some services.

I'm not sure I count running shoes as part of this amethyst
But if they do I buy those. Brooks ones in the sale about £30 every 6 months or so and only because they need replacing. I have the same shorts and top I've had for a few years though.

I feel there is more pressure today than ever before. My local high street is comprised of beauty salons offering spray tans, nail bars and chemists full of products mostly aimed at women. I find it depressing.

I'm late 40s and in my area (suburban sprawl) there is huge pressure to maintain your youthfulness with brow lifts, dental work and injectables plus highlights and spray-tans. It's what women do. Men? Do very little over showering, shaving and hair cuts.

I'm very resistant to all that but I see other women spend so much money and time. It's frightening. How much more productive would our lives be without all that shit?!

I often wonder whether I'd run if I didn't feel pressure to be slim. I like to think I would, because I do enjoy it, but I'm not sure whether laziness would win out.

I do resent it, but I dislike the way I feel if I "let myself go" more. I've absolutely signed up to the idea that my appearance is important - maybe the most important thing about me. I'm ashamed to feel that way as a feminist, but there you go.

I wear make up, perfume and style my hair every day. I spend a ridiculous amount of my disposable income on clothes. I enjoy having my hair done, shave my legs and armpits and pluck my eyebrows. I don't interfere with my bikini line as I have no desire to.
I do these things because I enjoy them and I am possibly a little vain. I feel no pressure to do so.

My DH has no interest in these things. Not because he is a man, but because he would rather spend his money and time elsewhere.
His best friend (also male) spends fortunes on clothes, haircuts, moisturiser etc. because he likes it.

This is not a gender issue for me, I am not conforming to gender expectations through my vanity.

And I exercise and eat healthily to stay slim and fit because I want to. As do many men. Not a gender issue.

I've absolutely signed up to the idea that my appearance is important - maybe the most important thing about me.

Very depressing. You really feel that your appearance is the most important thing about you? I really hope people don't think my appearance is the most important thing about me. I would like to think it's the least important thing about me.

I feel no pressure.

Here its:

Haidresser -no
Beauty salons -no
Make up -no
Sports equipment -yes
Health foods -yes

I shave my legs and pits, getting as much mileage out of a razor as I can, and I'm good to go.
I prefer to look natural and healthy.