Amal Alamuddin has changed her name professionally

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

I'm actually disappointed. Her choice blah blah but honestly. Successful women who change their names professionally always strike me as either stupid or coerced and I'm sure that's unfair I'm not really but honestly why be so committed to the concept of the obliteration of the unmarried self that you allow it to impact on your professional reputation and renown?

it is particularly interesting in this instance. as no one (beyond her immediate circle presumably, who actually know what her views and intentions are) would have been surprised if amal hadn't changed her name. there are very good reasons for her not changing her name, and GC is an actor where many colleagues either have professional names or don't change their name on marriage. so it would have been completely natural for her to keep her name and he to keep his. but she has chosen to change it, which is an active decision, so clearly she sees a benefit to the change. she may or may not intend it as a statement, but regardless it is one in this situation. my feeling is that the US political plans may be very relevant

I wonder what she'd've done if she married Mr Smith next door?

Probably kept her name

When my bloody darling DH heard DD and I discussing this issue this morning, his contributions to the discussion were:

1. Why do you all get at each other? Surely it's everyone's individual choice. And

2. She looks sensational today - have you seen the pictures of her in Greece?

And he would regard himself as extremely enlightened on feminist issues. Good God we have a long way to go. Sigh…...

Yy to that, Biffy.

I don't find it offensive. But I do think that if you have objections to name-changing on marriage you shouldn't create a distinction between working women and SAHM.

I have taken on my husbands name. The reasons I did this was because I detest my father and had no choice but to carry his name as a child and young adult. However I do have a choice as to what I now call myself. My husband has a lovely lovely surname and although I considered changing my name legally to another one, I couldn't think of a better name than his.

The day I rid myself of my fathers name was one of the happiest of my life.

Chund

I still have dissonance about the reasons why I have adopted my husbands name. I am aware of the feminist arguments and feel uncomfortable.

I wasn't empowered enough to do anything about it at 18- in fact it has taken me a long time to get to the point of wanting to marry or deciding what to do about my name. Yes I could have changed it at any time but part of the damage I suffered was a kind of emotional paralysis about what to do. And the ramifications upon the rest of my family were another limiting factor to my taking action.

I spent ages trying to think of another surname that had meaning. I couldn't. They all seemed tokenistic to me whereas having a unifying name- one that reflected his wider family was (and remains) very important to me- a woman with very little decent birth family of her own.

And yes, I am aware of the unconscious schemas and drives that make taking his name the easiest choice for me. And the reality of' choice' in a patriarchal world.

i agree with your questions there chunderella, but i can also see why someone in annie's position would avoid making the big statement of a namechange at 18yo, and would opt for the socially-accepted namechange on marriage, which won't create a lot of potentially abusive fallout (if that is the case here)

sorry, spent so long writing i crossed with annie herself

Yes, I didn't want to insult my brother and make him feel even more abandoned. (He is now in the process of changing his name and lives in a country where wives do not change their names.)

I don't make a distinction between professional/SAHM at all in fact, because I think women changing their name to their husband's on marriage, whoever they are, does impact all other women, and all men, and all children, who hear about it or come into contact with her. It does that by reinforcing the message that women are less valuable than men and are expected to behave in self-obliterating ways that men aren't. Anything, anywhere, that sends out that message is damaging to equality and to women, because it helps that message sink into everyone's subconscious. That's why IMO a feminist shouldn't do it.

You can take massive offence at that if you wish and claim that you are a strong woman, feminist, wear the trousers in your marriage, made a free choice whatever whatever. But the bald facts are that if you let your name be erased while his takes over, the message that sends is "wee wifey's name is dispensable, she matters less; his name is their name, the family name, and he matters more." It's not a personal attack, and as I said I don't tell friends what to do, I respect that they have a choice. But I am allowed to observe that when women do that, they perpetuate and disseminate an acceptance of inequality.

The proof of that is that if you asked men to do it, 99% of them would say no. Why is that? There's absolutely no physical or practical reason why men shouldn't change their names just as much. They'd say no because they are deeply socialised to value their name, identity and self, while in many cases thinking that for a woman, that's less important.

You don't have to consciously think this for it to be the case. The fact that you've deeply internalised that as a woman you're less important than a man, and that the man you marry has internalised that too, is there anyway. I don't exclude myself from that either. I think anyone growing up in this society internalises it to a greater or lesser degree. But feminists aim to resist it.

It's also true that in many professions, mine included, you will benefit from keeping the same name through your career, and lose out by changing it. All the more reason not to do it, but not for me the central reason.

I'm disappointed in Amal doing it because she is visible and well-known, so she's sending that message out in spades. I feel the same when a pop-star or reality star does it, it's not just about her being professionally brilliant, but also about the power of the example she sets.

:) Chunderella

Yes it is a tricky one but I have ensured our children know they have choice in this and they know the law.

Another great post Voyager.

BTW Voyager

My husband was willing to change his name to either my old one (he suggested we could reclaim it as 'ours) or a new one belonging to us. He couldn't have cared less about keeping his family name. I made the decision to change to his and I feel that actually it was a proactive decision, not a default one. I love his family and want to be part of their 'tribe' and to be identified as that too.

However I realise that that message may well be lost on society as a whole because I just present as yet another woman who mindlessly took on her partners name.

Annie I can really identify with your situation and I wish I had changed my name at 18, for the same reason. I wouldn't change my name to a man's on marriage, for reasons stated, but for me changing my name from my dad's would have been a good thing if I had done it early. Now, because of my career, it would be a really bad idea to change it and it's too late really.

But at 18 it's very hard because you are still emerging from what has been done to you. I was also working hard on a degree and living independently and it just wasn't something I could deal with at the time.

Voyager Sorry that you endured similar difficulties in your youth.

There is only so much change you can take at such a tumultuous time isn't there?

Taking on a husbands name when there is love and you have chosen him with free will means that women really balk at feeling like they are conforming to something that is bound up in their cultural DNA. Whereas rejecting a fathers name- well that is more socially understandable because many of us have very difficult relationships with our parents.

Yes there are some men who are happy to change their name, just as there are some women who aren't, and I think that's an example of how things are starting to change. But until it's 50:50 (or just isn't something that people feel the need to do at all for reasons of marriage - changing your name is a hassle after all), I can't see it as a good thing when women do it.

I have read and re-read Voyagers post and still conclude summarise a woman's feminist credentials in a name. And while the intention isn't to judge, the language is inflammatory and judgmental.