Feminist Pub IX. Newbies and regulars welcome - pop your cognitive dissonance down outside and have a gin.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Right, thought I'd better start a new pub. I warn you, my knowledge of Roman numerals conks out shortly after this one, so either buffy will have to start the next thread, or we'll have to go Arabic.

Everyone is welcome in - if you want to chat, or just jump in with a question/link/gin, please do. Especially if it's too small for a thread or you don't feel up to thread-starting.

The old thread has, at my count, about 9 posts to go, and it was here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/2126791-Feminist-Pub-VIII-not-as-prolific-as-the-Swaggerers-but-there-are-cushions-and-consciousness?

We were just chatting about feministy light reading, and will doubtless meander onto other topics shortly.

kickass Bet I'll find something my nose doesn't like even in the desert. (Nearly wrote dessert. I like most desserts. You should see some threads - bear legs and wearing willies. Auto-corrects .) But stopped sneezing now. May be because it's chucking it down here. Forecast rain all day. Suits me.

I'll do the newborns - I have done it 4 times and am now officially turning into one of those old ladies who coos and clucks at newborns in Tescos - I just can't help it. I was good at the first 3 months when they are small enough to go whereever you go and they snuggle and feed and sleep. I wasn't so good at the bit where you have to start getting into routines and making meals 3 times a day and organising your life around toilet breaks. Luckily, I was OK with breast-feeding, too, so didn't have to worry about making bottles and getting up in the night and winding and all that. Apparently, in some cultures, grandmothers breast-feed their grandchildren - do you think I'll be allowed to do that, or is that a bit odd?

Hurrah. See, we'd make a lovely commune.

You can feed my baby if you want to Rosabud. He breaks off every 15 seconds to smile at everyone and flash your boobs at the room.

I'll do newborns but can't do bf. I also hated weaning, mainly because dd reacted to every single new food, and we had to start again with pears. Some days I peeled, cut, cooked then froze about 10 pounds of pears.

Given that I have almost no experience with babies, feel free to make use of my naïveté at all development stages and tell me that it's a lovely age as you hand child over. By the time I've realised it's not the age for me you'll be three G&Ts down and it will be too late!

at Petula

I really hated weaning. All that pureeing - I never did find a contraption that could puree the tiny quantities required so I'd end up pureeing giant portions of broccoli and cauliflower and freezing them in ice cube trays (whose idea was that? It was in baby manual, somewhere, I'm sure!) and then forever be forgetting to defrost them, then finally shoving them all in a pitcher of Pimms every Summer. The only thing I was worse at than weaning was potty training - but let's not go there. I like the cooing and clucking at babies in Tescos stage of my life

Ha ha weaning's a breeze now they invented baby led weaning, aka just eating what you like and giving your baby some. Two champion eaters in my house and not a puree between them. It's probably partially genes, though, the eating thing, DP and I are both pigs.

I could do the bf in the commune but have been doing it for nearly four years solid so would like some time off, please.

Oops, posted too soon, wanted to ask how people manage actively misogynistic relatives and access to children. My MiL, who wished my beautiful daughter was a boy because boys are better, and lied through her teeth about saying that to my DP, and called me hysterical and man hating, and said to me that she "quite liked" my daughter now, and said it as if she were doing me a favour rather than being a hate filled canker, is really old. I'm never going to change her mind, she is on a promise not to spout sexism in front of the children. I just want to let it go, be gloriously all-loving instead of angry and full of plots to tell DP exactly what she said. Tell me some secret sentence thAt will unlock me from fury?

As the newborns are catered for and I can't bf I don't mind being the toddler wrangler. Only if I'm allowed in the commune, obviously.

The only open misogyny I had to face when my DCs were young was from my step mother complaining about DSs curls, saying he looked 'too much like a girl'. Oh, and DD1 was dressed like a boy. I told her she didn't have to like our parenting skills, we merely didn't want them brought up in an atmosphere of fear like my brothers and I had.

Petula Babies are lovely. Toddlers and lovely. So are school-age children and preteens. All wide-eye innocence and lovely to their carers. >

Outs No idea what to do. I'd do the same as you. Will think.

DoctorTwo Were you told that all they (DC, not stepmother) need is a bit of smacking to teach them respect?

how horrible outsself. although you say she isn't going to change her views, she obviously knows that they are dodgy if she is not prepared to say them in front of her son

no advice though, sorry. other than feeling pity that she is never going to experience the relationship she could have done with your daughter if she hadn't written her off at the start due to her sex

I have a toddler that needs wrangling until a more civilised hour, if you want some practice, Doctor. When are they old enough to learn to leave me alone until I have at least a pint of tea in me?

As for dealing with misogyny from family members, I suppose it depends on their personality. FIL has such a high opinion of himself it was like it didn't compute in his brain when I called him on the bollocks he was coming out with, and he has nothing to do with me now. Can't remember what else I was going to say because I just had the phone removed and The Very Hungry Caterpillar shoved into my hand.

And I need somebody to spy on a 8yo and 10yo and tell me why a simple task of teeth-brushing can end in tears for both parties.

Morning!

I am rubbish at babies and children but have just had a lovely weekend surrounded by various of both.

One of them was my friend's lovely little boy - she went back to work after 8 months and her DH is currently off work having the balance of the parental leave entitlement for them both, taking it up to the full year.

They are the only couple I know who have done this but I am so glad to see that this actually happens in real life! It's so important that the career time-out begins to be taken by men as well as women IMO.

Oh, and I absolutely love teenagers, so sign me up for them. I dream of working on one of those brat camps, riding through the desert with teens swearing and spitting at me (seriously).

Wrt family misogynists, I have no idea. I am the only one who thinks there is a problem with a family set up where the penis waving person gets the main lounge, dining area, and conservatory to himself while 5 of us lacking a penis have to sit round the kitchen table keeping the noise down because he had a hard day at work. Everyone would be horrified to know that I have equal access to money, as DH works hard so it is his money. I should be like my sister who has to watch the housekeeping carefully to make sure that she doesn't overspend while her husband has 8 cars.

Something like that LordC. She blames her own grandson, my nephew, for his severe mental health problems which were caused by his upbringing. Her son scapegoated him the same she did to me. For all of my adolescence I knew I didn't want to be a dad because I was afraid I'd turn out like her. Then I met a woman who had a toddler, and it turned out I was a natural.

Blimey Stormy, mine knew not to bother me until after the first brew of the day. I think we were just lucky.

Mine's not quite eighteen months yet, so slightly young to learn that Mummy's Magic Wake-Up Juice is necessary before any playing can happen. Can't wait for the day she's big enough to actually make me a cup. Pretty sure I was doing it by about seven, so not too long to wait...

I always find it strange when women say/believe boys are better because what they are actually saying is they themselves are a bit rubbish. Maybe they have self esteem 'ishoos"?

More likely just parroting the ingrained sexism of society, without putting much thought into it, I suspect.

No advice about familial misogyny and twattery. No point tackling it in my family, I am the black sheep, so what would I know?

Merely offering solidarity.

and YY to grimbletart

Eight cars!?

Environmental criminal.

We did the rabbit clock, which ticked so loud that it had to be locked in the wardrobe. Then we said no noise till 6.30. So "knock knock", "Who's there?" "It's me! Is it 6.30 yet?" "AARRRGGGHHHH."

Now they just go downstairs and quarrel sit quietly entertaining themselves.

I clash a lot with DC because of my tiger-mother-ish tendencies - I don't like the attitude of "it's too hard" after 2 attempts - but otherwise I think we get on OK... hopefully ...

I love my DSs, great kids, cute as hell, but my God I'd forgotten how intense the phase around 1 year is, where they aren't quite babies (so don't want to nap as much) but also aren't children (so they can't talk/amuse themselves for long).

I'm currently waiting for news of the very imminent arrival of a cousin for them - I have a suspicion that should it be a girl we'll barely see MIL again (who is generally lovely - but had 3 boys, has 2 grandsons, and a wardrobe shelf full of dolls bought ready for a future granddaughter that DS isn't allowed to touch).

I'm considering the grow-clock route for DS1, but it's frustratingly adorable to have him wander into the room at half 6 asking if it's a good morning yet and did we sleep well.

Your babies napped