Reporting historic rape and terrified

[whitetigerlily]

Am posting here as when I did a search on reporting rape this was the section that seemed to not mind discussing it.

Despite knowing all the reasons not to very well indeed, I am on the verge of reporting the man who sexually abused and raped me when I was 13 (28 years ago).

I have being seeing a therapist who is the first person to ever make me feel like I had the right and the reasons to do this, and even though I know it will probably go nowhere I feel I can't not do this. Can anyone understand that?

Am already in touch with Rape Crisis. Just need some reassurance that it's ok for me to do this as I'm really scared.

Thanks

Thinking of you and wishing you strength. Do what is right for you, I hope you'll find the police very helpful if you decide to report.

Do not be sorry for epic post in the least. It is important to talk/Write about it. It shows back in black and white what he did and how you did not "allow" it to happen. It is a difficult thing because it also breaks down your sense of self. You have come a long way to be on the other side of this. To be scared is a very sane way of responding to these thoughts.
Hm, don't mean to ramble, shall just offer hand.

Thanks. I do have a good counsellor and can call Rape Crisis but the rest of the time I am single parent to 2 very young kids (PTSD wrecks relationships) and feel quite isolated.

How are you getting on whitetigerlily?

Hi there, thanks for asking after me. I have a meeting with Support to Report at Rape Crisis tomorrow. However have just this evening spoken to an old friend who knew the guy who raped me and she said she would probably not be able to be a witness for me if it came to it as she would fear for her own safety. She thinks that this guy is capable if having us both killed. So do I to be honest. That, honestly, is the kind of person I would be dealing with. She's just confirmed to me what a difficult if not impossible thing this will be to do.

Fuck. That's scary stuff. Do make sure you mention that tomorrow. Presumably they'll know the ins and outs for situations like that and be able to advise on how the police can keep you safe. It's sad that men can do this to us and be able to scare us years on. Please let me know how it goes tomorrow.

Thank you, thanks for taking an interest. X

I had some lovely women on here support me through my reporting so I feel like I should pass it on. Also I know how hard it is and how much the words on the screen meant to me.

Reading the last posts now, hope your meeting can give you some reassurance about safety. That is scary stuff, and looking after yourself and your children comes first. The police can give out an alarm, and can impose conditions of bail which prevents him going into your town. Only you know if that is enough to keep you out of harms way.
It made me extremely jumpy, but I was lucky and could go home to my own country. The conditions of bail go away if the cps decide not to charge. I don't know what security is available after if you consider the person May hold a grudge.

How did you get on today?

Just came across this thread before I was about to go to sleep.

I reported an historic sexual abuse case by my uncle, I was 12 when it finally stopped (8 -9 years it went on for). I approached the police when I was 22. The police were really good, I had a female officer as a point of contact at all times, my uncle eventually pleaded guilty and is still on the sex offenders register even now.

It wasn't easy, but I felt like a chapter had closed once I'd handed it over to the police regardless of charges or verdicts. It was definitely a way for mr to move forward.

Hi there. The woman at Rape crisis was nice- she even tried to get a police officer to come to her office there and then to try and reassure me. However the police said that once they know a crime has taken place they have to investigate it, so no going back and also it happened in another city so has to be reported there.

I am so scared of risking this- even though she said he would be crazy to threaten or hurt me as it would be do obviously traceable to him. She kept asking what I thought was best for me. I don't think I can just carry on with my life now knowing he still has the power to stop me even reporting him, but I'm scared of as soon as I talk to the police it's out of my control and no going back. And for what? Any realistic chance of conviction? I think not.

The one thing the rape crisis woman did say was look at max Clifford- who would have believed he'd have been found guilty with not only his money but all his connections and the dirt he has on people. I guess so, but I just keep thinking about my friend saying "he'll have you killed or something, he'd have done that when he had no money, being mega rich just makes it easier for him".

I don't think the police can protect me from this at all, they certainly didn't say anything about that when the woman rang them and asked. And it's my children.

Your safety and the safety of your children is the most important thing. I really hate to say it because I really don't want the bastard to get away with it but if the police can't guarantee your safety then it's probably not worth it.

Yup. His reward for raping me is £50 million in the bank and a fantastic life with no consequences. He describes himself online as "the luckiest guy in the world, living on easy street".

I attempted suicide aged 13 and spent a quarter of a century living in abject self loathing , poor health and misery.

Och well eh. Them's the brakes eh.

Oh and em, as we're on a feminist board, here's another heart warming bit if the story- his wife and business partner- she knows. She knew at the time, I'm pretty sure. So did the guy I met in a pub six years later who told me how my rapist had bragged about me being the best sex he'd ever had. As I lay there rigid, terrified and holding back tears I think we can safely say in was the thrill of " breaking in" a new pubescent child he was referring to.

Still, they all had a good laugh about it, no harm done eh. Shit happens girl, just get on with your life!

Yes he would be stupid to threaten or hurt me, but say it never even got to court- it's a risk that would be hanging over my head for years to come. I don't know him now at all but I do remember being out with him one night and someone who literally just looked at him the wrong way ended up on the ground getting their head kicked in.
I don't think money will have made him a nicer person, just a more powerful thug.

The person he bragged to it would not testify as was his friend, and his wife, I believe, knowingly married a child rapist. I don't know how to take on these kind of people. The police can't protect you from something that May or may not happen.

It's all so wrong. Imagine how many other women are abused and then intimidated like this.

I won't do it, but I really feel like posting his name sometimes as he's easy to google.

I'm reading a book about healing after child abuse and it suggests that if you can't confront your abuser then write a letter that you don't send etc to try and get closure. There is no kind of closure for that in me, sorry, it may work die others. I just don't want to feel like a victim anymore.

Thanks for listening to me.

*it may work for others, sorry

I just want the self respect of knowing that I said I was raped, the police know I was raped, my rapist knows that I was raped, and anyone one in this whole damn world actually cares that it happened.

I've been shut up and ignored my whole bloody life.