My husband says i am not a feminist because..........

[hedgetrimmer]

He says that theist part of feminist means that you are actively going around dping something about feminism,and that just believing in womens rights does not make you a feminist.

I disagree.

Is he right or not?

I asked my husband and he said that you are a feminist

see anything a bit awry with that statement ?

Just asked DP if I am a feminist. He won't answer until I bring him a beer.

Juuuussssst kidding...

If I start on about feminism he tells me to get off fucking Mumsnet.
Till I give him the look.
Then he makes me a nice cuppa

ThatBloodyWoman, wanna trade?

If you let your dh dictate your politics you definitely are not a feminist...

Now tel him to stop embarrassing himself and go make you a sandwich

Does that mean that to be an an atheIST you have to be an activist about it? Of course not. It's about what you believe. He's talking bollocks.

If I start on about feminism he tells me to get off fucking Mumsnet. Till I give him the look. Then he makes me a nice cuppa

This

DP loves that I'm a feminist. I don't lobby etc, but I believe in equal rights, opportunities, and specifically parents sharing responsibilities etc. that's it, we have a shared account, I work 4 days not 5 by choice, and earn similar wages (if I worked full time). I love make up and nice clothes, and love the fact I can buy them as I contribute to the monthly pot of money.

hedgetrimmer - if its any help I think DW is a feminist but she is adamant that she isn't.

She has a friend who likes to talk about feminism a lot but isn't really a feminist in my opinion.

Yes I know...... I am IABVVVU.

See, I think DH is a feminist, he just doesn't know it…

hedgetrimmer, are you going to show your DH this thread?

yes i will show him,although im sure he will stil say the same thing,hes not one to change his mind easily.

I like the athiest comparison,he actually used that one himself but the opposite way.

Oh, well, if you're going to show him this thread:

OP's husband, I am a feminist who is also a sahm, has a joint bank account, wears nice clothes and make up blah blah. Woe betide anyone who tells me I'm not

So - you are probably not fitting the criteria of straw feminist that he believes in......

Tell him:
Feminism is about having choices - not the details of what is chosen

OP, as others have said, you are a feminist if you have feminist beliefs.

But if your DH wants to see activism in order to acknowledge your feminism, then you can instantly become an activist by making a donation to a women's refuge from the joint bank account.

I am a feminist, a SAHM currently, wear make up when I feel like it and have a joint bank account (as an aside, surely a joint account is the most feminist way to do things if one of you is earning and the other isn't. Far more equal than being given housekeeping!).

I sort of agree with a kernel of what your husband says - which is that I do think you have to walk the walk a bit as well as talk the talk. But by that I don't mean going on marches or whatever. I mean that, when your DS says that a pink apron is for girls, you correct him. When someone makes a rape joke, you don't laugh along and encourage them, etc, etc. The equivalent of how I would expect a Christian to generally behave in a way consistent with their beliefs.

Agree with what everyone else says that he doesn't get to judge whether you are a feminist or not.

If you behave in a way consistent with your beliefs (here feminism) that's all that's required really.

Number one here would be challenging him.....point proved then!

Scone, I like your thinking

he says that "a real feminist" wouldnt agree that im a feminist because i wear make up and buy clothes that i think i will look nice in and stay at home to look after the kids and have a joint bank account.

I agree with peguins about the joint bank account thing, if one person is earning and the other isn't earning...and you value the labor of the person who isn't earning a wage you must have joint accounts.

Op's husband, why do you think feminists would disagree with parents staying at home to look after their children? Do you think the work is less valuable than being employed? The majority of feminist think it is valuable but has been disparaged by people who don't think "women's work" has value.

If your wife was the main earner and you stayed at home to look after your children do you think feminist would have a problem with that? Because I don't believe feminism is about getting more people employed, it's about getting more people equal. I want the assumption to be that in a family either par can do the work out of the home and either can do the work at home with the children.

It's not women working at home that is the problem, it's men refusing to work at home that is the problem

Ooh, RFFU I want to save your post and paste it onto the next SAHM bashing thread

:)

Yes, indeed RFFU. In fact, it was feminists who came up with the expression "work outside the home" because it was demeaning to SAHMs to say "she doesn't work."

I have to say that even though dh takes the piss out of me sometimes with feminism, you have never seen such a staunch closet feminist as he when it comes to our dd's....