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Original poster

Where do you fall on "forgetting" contraception?

62 replies

MangoBiscuit · 01/03/2014 01:32

DH and I have been together over 8 years, 2 DC together. After most recent DC (now 5 months) he was the one to inform me initially that my consultant said it would be "inadvisable" for me to try to carry any more DCs " (which has since been relayed to me). We are currently waiting for me to get my IUD fitted so are using condoms (tried the POP, made me murderous!). DH indicated that he was "dressed" when he wasn't. He doesn't think this is a big deal as I "could just take the morning after pill."

I'm so fucking angry I can't even string together an answer, therefore he thinks I'm over-reacting. So am I over-reacting? Or if a man says's he's covered, should you believe him without inspection?

OP posts:
Original poster
MangoBiscuit · 01/03/2014 02:03

Stupid bloody title, Should be
"Where do you fall on forgetting contraception"

:(

OP posts:
KissesBreakingWave · 01/03/2014 02:04

No, you're not over-reacting. Utterly shitty thing to do. Emergency contraception has side effects, unless I'm very much misled, whereas wearing a rubber isn't a big deal at all.

You could go a LOT further with being angry about it, too. Prosecutions can and have been brought.

joanofarchitrave · 01/03/2014 02:09

Where do I stand? To me, it is pretty much THE unforgivable sin. I would be pressing the restart button on the relationship (not the end button). He needs to explain what on earth was going through his head.

Why was it him who had the information about your health, and not you?

Original poster
MangoBiscuit · 01/03/2014 02:18

Because I was unconscious at the time. It was re-iterated (when I was conscious) again in lesser detail.

We were both aware that being less than careful could end in a tough choice for me, and possibly medical intervention, which we'd agreed we'd avoid.

OP posts:
joanofarchitrave · 01/03/2014 02:23

I'd be quite put off having sex with him ever again.

What on earth did he think was going to happen when he decided, oh i'll just go ahead?

fanjofarrow · 01/03/2014 03:02

Christ on a bike. If my fella tried this shit with me after 8 years of marriage, he'd be buried six feet under the patio.

plutarch14 · 01/03/2014 03:16

Really, really awful. I feel this way when both men and women lie about contraception. I would be absolutely furious, I think it would be just about one of the worst things, worse than him sleeping with someone else. And after your dr told you it was inadvisable for you to conceive - unbelievable.

Bubblegoose · 01/03/2014 03:22

Awful. How can you ever trust him again?

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 01/03/2014 04:26

The MAP is so hard on your body though. I took it once and it made me so bloody ill. You need to get across how the MAP is not a 'simple' answer - This would make me utterly doolall!

KaseyM · 01/03/2014 07:10

The very same thing happened to me OP. He went off to put one on, came back, all was dandy and then afterwards was like "oops I forgot. You shoulda checked". I mean WTF?! It puts you in this position of not trusting what they say/do in bed which is awful because the whole thing of having sex is mutual trust.

I was so mad I refused to speak to him until he had gone to the doctors and got a full range of tests! I was so sick of being the one to suffer the embarrassment after the man's so-called slip-ups. Why should I?

And that's without the medical aspect of your situation. I'd be livid. Seriously, if you can't trust your DH in bed where can you trust him?

scallopsrgreat · 01/03/2014 08:16

Assange is being accused of rape for this very thing. It is a crime in this country too. You might want to point that out to him.

MAP has a failure rate too.

He has played fast and loose with your health for his orgasm. I would be incandescent with rage. Who the fuck does he think he is? Why did he feel entitled to do that? What else does he feel entitled to do?

I think you are underreacting tbh.

GotMyGoat · 01/03/2014 08:23

Yep - the Assange case is rape, what a fucking prick. I wouldn't be sleeping with him again unless he has the snip. or, i'd probably be considering weather I still wanted to be in a relationship with someone who had so little respect for my health and feelings - all so he could get off on it.

you are being very calm about this OP

RestingActress · 01/03/2014 08:35

How disrespectful of him, just utterly selfish. It would put serious doubts in my mind about the future of our relationship.

I'm so sorry he has done this to you.

eurochick · 01/03/2014 08:40

What an utter prick. I would be absolutely livid.

ReluctantCamper · 01/03/2014 08:41

As Dinnae says, the morning after pill made me quite sick on the two occasions I took it, and meant I lost a day lying in bed desperately trying not to vomit. It's no picnic.

However, that's irrelevant really. Your husband lied to you and abused your trust. I'm incandescent with rage on your behalf. Be angry with him - don't let him get away with it.

meditrina · 01/03/2014 08:44

He didn't "forget" though, did he? He lied.

This isn't a question about contraception. It's a question about honesty and respect.

OK sometimes people do get carried away, but you said he'd indicated he was 'dressed' when he wasn't. This isn't heat of the moment.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 01/03/2014 08:48

WTF? No, that's fucking horrendous.

I thought this was going to be about missing a pill. I do this on occasion and ALWAYS tell DH upfront because why on earth wouldn't you? I tell him even if it's a "safe" window to miss one because I want him to be aware if the protection is even a tiny bit compromised so we can decide together if it's worth using something extra (or avoiding entirely) or not.

He sounds wildly misinformed about the MAP if he thinks it's no big deal, it's not even as reliable as standard forms of contraception. However, this isn't really the issue. It's a bit like whacking you over the head and then saying "Oh, sorry, I thought it wouldn't matter because if you had a headache you could just take a painkiller."

SwayingBranches · 01/03/2014 08:54

It's not entirely clear but it looks like he actually lied rather than forgot? Which obviously is even worse.

I am not sure I could continue to trust anyone who put their sexual pleasure above health and well being.

AnythingNotEverything · 01/03/2014 09:00

I would completely flip about this. Totally unacceptable. And yes, he didn't forget, he made a decision that you could sort it out later without checking.

I've only had the MAP once and it was not an experience I'd like to repeat.

Driveway · 01/03/2014 09:20

It means that every time you have sex, you will be on edge, worried, and probably resentful.

I'm not sure how you can carry on. :(

BusinessUnusual · 01/03/2014 11:38

No, this is terrible, he actually lied to you. When did he tell you or did you find out after he'd come.

Forgetting is when you have sex, look at your pill packet and think, "oh crap!" - not saying "yes dear I've taken it" when you know full well you haven't.

BusinessUnusual · 01/03/2014 11:38

...what he did is like the second.

differentnameforthis · 01/03/2014 11:52

He didn't forget, did he?

Some would call this rape, as you consented to sex with a condom & he didn't use one, so he didn't have your consent to have sex sans condom.

I would lose a lot of trust in anyone who did this to me.

differentnameforthis · 01/03/2014 11:54

Emergency contraception has side effects

One of which is that it doesn't always work! I know two friends it failed for & have read lots of stories on here where it has failed.

sleepyhead · 01/03/2014 12:00

MAP doesn't always work so he's in fact saying "no biggie, you could always have an abortion or risk your life with another pregnancy" Hmm

For what? Because it doesn't feel as good with a condom? Stupid, reckless, thoughtless, foolish man Angry

If I could forgive him, I certainly wouldn't be able to have sex again until I'd covered contraception myself. Trust completely gone.