The Feminist Pub - come on in, chat, ask a quick question, ramble ... whatever you like!

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Hello and welcome! Pull up a chair!

This thread started when we all decided to imagine what the perfect local for feminists would be like. So far, it has taps with plenty of good real ale, and some decent non-alcoholic alternatives too. There are comfy chairs and there's a feminist film night, as well as lots of nice feminist-friendly books on the shelves and space to curl up and read. The open-mic nights are attracting feminist singers and comedians, and we're just sorting out the feminist creche.

Old thread is here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1875250-The-Feminist-Pub-is-Open-Chat-Rant-or-pull-up-a-chair-here. But don't feel you need to read or catch up - just jump in.

I'm having a nice cup of earl grey but there is wine mulling as requested.

What can I get anyone?

I eat when hungry and stop when full - oh, I do that too. And v balanced and reasonably healthy my general meals are too. Wot piles the stones pounds on, is the snacking....

snacking = eating, no? Therefore same principle applies. Is that bad?

Yes. In theory. Not when you are greedy/have poor self-control/comfort eat.
I am not proud , but, on the upside, whenever I do stick to my guns, I do lose weight .

Does anyone else feel that women talk about diets a lot ?
Most of my life, well pre-DC, I didn't worry about it at all - was lucky I guess - have a very straight-forward attitude to food as tasty fuel for life, and my body seemed to self-regulate very well.
Slightly more tricky post DC and now I'm maybe hitting the peri-menopause, but I still feel sensible, healthy eating and more exercise is what's needed.
I like going swimming and for a walk round nearby lake - should do those things more.
Meanwhile a mulled wine would warm me up nicely, thanks

Does anyone else feel that women talk about diets a lot ? - Oh, yes, men just eat .

We're having fajitas tonight, so mine's a Corona please

I don't really talk about diets in RL... I only ever meet up with friends to eat.

Somebody pull a pint for Grennie... Fwiw, if you ever see this, I do understand where you are coming from, but I don't think you'll get any kind of reasoned debate on your thread.

Pacific thank you! Yes I do need a pint. And no, everyone is just recating on a personal emotional level rather than analysing - apart from Mini.

You have the patience of a saint, trying to put your point across. Again.
I am not articulate enough to stay on that thread, sorry.
You've got Penguin - I'll cheer you both from the sidelines

Thanks. And how can feelings about marriage not be a subject for feminist analysis??

No a new one about being proud to be married.

Oh, I wanted the 'lovely white dress' - when a lot of my class mates went for their 1st communion and I didn't; I had major white dress envy.
But even then I thought it was a bit odd how they looked like brides which seemed a bit wrong at the age of 8 or 9...

Was she considering adoption to give a lonely baby a home or to preserve her body from the ravages of pregnancy?

Hi everyone. Large glass of red from whoever is covering for LRD this week.

Grennie - I am trying, I promise! I think it's a very difficult topic because many people (married and unmarried) are 'proud' of their relationships. Not in an 'it defines me' way, but in an 'it's an important part of who I am' way. Just like the Welsh friend I mentioned. So saying 'why would you be proud of X' tends to result in defensive personal responses rather than academic analysis IYSWIM. We don't totally agree- but I am totally with you that it deserves feminist analysis.

I remember as a young girl discussing with my female friends what kind of wedding we would have, what kind of dress, how many children and their names. A Husband didn't really feature in our discussion at all!

Thanks Penguin. I am not totally sure of my views, which is why my post isn't clearer. I am thinking this through.

I remember that too Grennie. I used to draw big flouncy 80s wedding dresses. I think I just liked the idea of dressing up where I got to design the dressing up outfit. I don't remember considering a man involved at all.

Yes I just fancied the idea of dressing up, being the centre of attention, and getting a big posh cake.

But it is in all these different ways we are educated into seeing marriage as something we should aspire to.

I also remember practising my "married name" signature when I fancied someone as a teenager.

This is a self-serve bar - free too .

Of course the institution of marriage is well worth of feminist analysis - but it does make people defensive, doesn't it? Good grief.

Just like questioning patriotic or nationalistic feelings.
Maybe it's the use of the word 'proud' though? I am proud of my children, but not because I see them as my achievement or project that I have succeeded at, but because they astound and impress me every single day. "Proud" is a kind of a sloppy shorthand for that.

I actually understand being proud of your children. After all you will have put an enormous amount of work into bringing them up. You should be proud of that.

I think, as I tried to say in one of my posts, that 'proud' is a really difficult word. Grennie - I get what you were seeking to discuss, but I think "Why would" also set you off on the wrong foot. There's already been one poster say it reads as "Why on earth would" and I don't think she'll have been the only one. With touchy subjects, the perceived nuance of the OP can send things wildly off track (believe me, I've been there too...)

Grennie- I was quite 'proud' when DD1 walked. Nothing I'd done. Not a result of effort I'd put in. I'd say at that point, I'd probably invested more work into 10 years of relationship than one year of child rearing . I think a lot of the time, for a lot of people, it's a simpler emotion than you are defining it as.

I am very proud of not having strangled them all at various points in their lives - and I suppose I have reared them.
But I feel their achievements are theirs: DS1 has a spooky ability for maths, DS2 struggles with shyness and poor self-esteem which leads to rather violent outbreaks of temper and he is trying SO hard to tackle this, DS3 has taken to school like a duck to water and DS4 is funny and annoying and cute and struggling with the challenges of self-determination... all their achievements, not mine.
Yet I'd describe the warm glow they give me as feeling 'proud'. Hmm.