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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

"Doesn't she look after you?"

102 replies

BasilBabyEater · 13/10/2013 19:45

This was said by an able-bodied adult male colleague to another able-bodied adult male colleague on the latter's biting into what the former felt was an unsatisfactory item of lunch.

"She" presumably, was the latter's wife.

The expectation being that a fully grown man with a wife who is on maternity leave looking after a toddler and a baby, should be concerning herself with the contents of her husband's lunchbox (lunchbox as in food for work, not as in Linford Christie's etc.)

I ignored the wave of contempt that overcame me and carried on with the report I was working on. Grin

OP posts:
PenguinsDontEatPancakes · 13/10/2013 20:26

Gaaaah.

Today, DH cooked a big family roast. I did nothing for this particular meal. This was obvious from the fact I was looking after the kids, serving drinks, sitting chatting, etc.

At the end of the meal, both middle aged women thanked me for the lovely lunch. I was most Confused and had to actually point out that I hadn't made it.

Boosterseattheballcleaner · 13/10/2013 20:44

Gives me the rage, my nan thinks il turn him gay?

"No man should be forced to wash his own clothes, you will make him feel like less of a man"

No I fucking wont.

Original poster
BasilBabyEater · 13/10/2013 20:50
Grin

It's amazing how fragile masculinity is perceived to be, isn't it?

OP posts:
bundaberg · 13/10/2013 21:00

were you not tempted to reply "i didn't know you still lived with your mum?"

Darkesteyes · 13/10/2013 21:49

"Yes its believed testosterone will explode on contact with saucepans."

Quote from the character of Bill Porter (played by Belinda Lang) in 2.4 Children which is being repeated on the Drama channel at the mo.

joanofarchitrave · 13/10/2013 22:15

First wedding; new inlaws talking to me; telling me, apparently seriously, that my new h was not good at eating healthily but thank goodness I was there now to sort that out. Apparently I was expected to force salad leaves down his throat on a regular basis, in fact that was my main job; and if he didn't get healthier, that would be MY fault. Interesting that they waited until we were actually married to inform me of my new role; though the way they said it suggested they thought i already knew.

Original poster
BasilBabyEater · 13/10/2013 22:29

I mean I know it's familiar in theory, but when you actually come up against it in practice, with men who consider themselves adults, it's just staggering all over again.

Honestly, I couldn't trust myself to say anything bundaberg - I just felt so contemptuous of them all (4 blokes there at the time about to go into a meeting) - if I started I might not stop. And where would that end up. In someone needing to take me off for a "quiet word" perhaps. Grin

OP posts:
5madthings · 13/10/2013 22:34

My mil has this attitude, she is horrified that I don't get up early before dp to make his bfast for him and when he needed pack ups for work she was aghast I didn't make them.

When ds2 was little dp had depression and lost his job and life was difficult, I also had a ,miscarriage, but it was my fault dp was Ill as I wasn't looking after him properly...

PatTheHammer · 13/10/2013 22:43

Some people in our family are like this, particularly about the fact that DH irons his own shirts and will iron my stuff and the DCs uniform too.

That's right, I forgot I took an advanced qualification in ironing that makes me so much more able to do it than himGrin

Boosterseattheballcleaner · 14/10/2013 09:06

It is a well known fact that a penis cant wrap itself around the grip of an iron, a vagina however can clamp the grip while you thrust backwards and forwards for a crease free finish.

LouiseD29 · 14/10/2013 10:10

My DH's family have informed me repeatedly that he gets really grumpy when he's hungry so I have to make sure I feed him. I usually like to explain that actually I get really grumpy when I'm hungry, so he needs to make sure he feeds me. Fortunately, my DH doesn't pay any attention to that kind of nonsense and appears to be capable of making himself a cheese sandwich if things get really bad!

ThisIsBULLSHIT · 14/10/2013 10:20

DH waited for me to get back from shopping yesterday before asking me what was for lunch. This was at about 1.30. Both kids were hungry and he hadn't thought couldn't be arsed to make anything.

We had a lovely lunch and he had a knuckle sandwich. not really

And I met Linford Christie in the summer and he is delightful. Grin

dappleton · 14/10/2013 10:24

sounds like rather light hearted banter

WonderWomanInAOnesie · 14/10/2013 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UptoapointLordCopper · 14/10/2013 10:34

Penguins People thank me for lunches I don't cook as well! It's amazing. If only they thank me also for the sun shining and the grass growing! I could get used to it.

BadSeedsAddict · 14/10/2013 10:43

Ex boyfriend's mother was appalled I didn't offer to iron a shirt for him to go to work in instead of sitting chatting to him while he did it himself. I was seventeen and didn't even live with him but apparently was supposed to seamlessly take over his mother's role? Fuck that.

Current MIL does everything for everyone with a martyred expression on her face. Expressed surprise I would encourage the DCs to get their own drinks as 'she always did everything for her children'. Then admitted this may have been a mistake, as proven by DH just now trying to make me feel bad that the necessary items were not available in the kitchen for him to make a specific amount of one of the two things he will make for himself independently (without trying to guilt me into feeding him). Fuck that, also. This marriage is ending soon.

AnyFucker · 14/10/2013 10:49

I have had two major rows with my (dearly loved) MIL

The first one was when I decided that DH was perfectly capable of ironing his own clothes and that was going to be the pattern for ever more

the second one was when she told me it was "my job" to remember all the family birthdays and arrange for cards/presents to be sent

We get on very well now Smile

BerstieSpotts · 14/10/2013 10:50

I was all ready to say that the incident in the OP was likely a joke and not meant seriously but I am Shock at the rest of the posts! FGS!

DontMentionThePrunes · 14/10/2013 10:51

My mother was staying in my house once while we were away. She rang me to ask where the iron was. I had no idea!
"But...but what do you do about DH's shirts?!"

AnyFucker · 14/10/2013 10:52

Yes, the comment in the OP might be a "joke" and lighthearted, but it quite perfectly represents the constant pressure on women to look after their man, and if you don't, you might end up being on your own < shock ! horror ! >

Weegiemum · 14/10/2013 11:01

My mother was like this - hated if dh made her a cuppa when she visited, objected to him doing any housework, couldn't believe that I'd "let" him go to work in creased shirts (which he couldn't be bothered ironing and I wasn't doing it for him.

We take care of each other. I'm usually up first, I do sometimes make him a packed lunch, he has a 75 minute commute and a very busy job, but he would never expect it, and he often makes mine on the day I work all day. It's our house and our family so we do it together. More of the house stuff falls to me given that I'm home more, I do most of the cooking, he does most of the laundry, we share what else needs done (within the limitations of my disability). I'm medically unfit to drive so he has to do all of that, so I do most of the packing, organising for trips away etc .... We each do what we can, when we can.

Dh's workplace (GP surgery) is all female apart from him and they're all older than him too - so he does tend to get "mothered" at bit at work!

Weegiemum · 14/10/2013 11:03

Oh, and our dc all help out too - they should take a turn with things as well, we want them to be able to fend for themselves!!

TravelinColour · 14/10/2013 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BerstieSpotts · 14/10/2013 11:05

Well, if being with a man actually involved all of that looking after I think being on my own sounds like a much better prospect TBH! :)

I am looking after DP a bit today as he is ill. But mostly this involves leaving him to fester in bed. I'm not finding it too taxing.

48th · 14/10/2013 11:05

Whilst in hospital for a longish stay dh cooked something apparently lovely for his parents. When returned home and recuperating she called me for the recipe!

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