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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Fucking hell, Nigella picture, WTF? [includes links to upsetting images]

522 replies

BoffinMum · 15/06/2013 22:51

twitter.com/suttonnick/status/346017840106704898/photo/1

Tomorrow's Sunday People cover. Where do we even start with this?

OP posts:
arsenaltilidie · 16/06/2013 10:36

He looks very controlling, I bet he was the reason Nigella Lawson wore that 'burkini' Nigella on the Beach

bico · 16/06/2013 10:39

I doubt it duffle from the report it says he did it four times. If he was demonstrating something he'd only need to do it once. She also looks very upset in the photo of her walking to the car.

Doesn't S have the reputation of being very litigious? That may unfortunately put people off from coming forward as witnesses.

WildThongsHeartString · 16/06/2013 10:43

Wasn't there a story a couple of years ago when she had to thread a scarf through the top of her evening dress because her husband felt she was showing her cleavage. I always thought that was a bit Hmm

CatherineHMumsnet · 16/06/2013 10:49

Would like to bring our section on Domestic Violence to the attention of anyone who's reading this thread and would like more advice.

TheRealFellatio · 16/06/2013 11:00

I feel the same PareyMortas

He is holding her hand, yes Eleanor - quite gently in fact. Whilst gripping her throat at the same time. Hmm She looks panicky and uncomfortable to say the least. Personally I think that makes it more sinister, not less. There is no momentary loss of control, no angry outburst, it looks less like a violent 'assault' and more like a chilling, intimidating warning, and an attempt to control through fear and humiliation.

I can think of lots I'd like to say about this but I don't even want to talk about it really- it seems salacious and disloyal and I can't begin to imagine how she must be feeling, having it all picked over and analysed in such detail.

I did feel I should respond to Eleanor's attempts to justify or minimise it though.

HotCrossPun · 16/06/2013 11:02

I can't believe how many people are trying to pass this off as anything other than abuse.

In non-abusive relationships scenes like that would never unfold to be photographed.

If you place your hands around the front of your neck like he is doing in that photo, feel how uncomfortable it is. Apply pressure like he is doing and it becomes really painful.

She isn't struggling, she is pleading and trying to placate him.

I'd also bet £ that this has happened many, many times before. Sad

IAgreeCompletely · 16/06/2013 11:12

I have no idea what was happening in the photos (no one here does). I am not dismissing it - just saying I can not tell what is happening.

I am amazed that posters are taking The Mirror and The Sunday People at their word. I would never read those papers.

OneStepCloser · 16/06/2013 11:12

How anyone can come to any other conclusion than DV is beyond me, she is clearly distressed, it's absolutely horrendous to see.

I'm sure I read an interview with her where she describes CS as being difficult and if I remember correctly she has said that her mother physically abused her during her childhood.

I hope she is not going to be blamed by him for these photographs.

MissStrawberry · 16/06/2013 11:22

If someone makes a complaint to the police they have to investigate. I really hope someone does. That poor woman Sad. I really admire her, always wondered what she saw in him tbh, and I really hope this is all a total misunderstanding or he is currently in a police cell.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/06/2013 11:32

it looks to me that the way she is holding his hand looks like it's ready to brace against further movement.
boiled, i hope you get away soon. your counsellor's description of 'physical intrusion' seems to me very perceptive, i'm glad you have that person on your team.

HotCrossPun · 16/06/2013 11:33

IAgree I'm not taking their word for it. I'm looking at a series of photographs that show what happened.

WeAppearToBeAlright · 16/06/2013 11:33

It's quite strange reading the comments here about kicking arse, or punching the bastard, or screaming the place down, because that's just not how it is with assault in a relationship as opposed to some random on the street: what the 'boiling frog' really means is that by the time you've got to this stage, you just want it to stop. You don't have any big, grand energetic ideas about escaping, or fighting back, you just want it to stop. And if placating might do that, you placate away for all you're worth.

What causes the final snap is very different for different people - if this is her situation, I hope having it made visible might help.

PoppyAmex · 16/06/2013 11:48

"I am amazed that posters are taking The Mirror and The Sunday People at their word. I would never read those papers."

Erm... did they photoshop the pictures? Because even if you don't read a word in that article, those pictures speak for themselves.

"Checking if her glands are swollen"? Really?

MrsCampbellBlack · 16/06/2013 12:11

Must say the swollen glands thing has me Confused - If I check someone's glands, I use both hands, one on either side.

I'd be freaked out if someone checked my glands with one hand like that.

OneStepCloser · 16/06/2013 12:16

I didn't read the article, a picture tells a thousand words.

ihearsounds · 16/06/2013 12:19

I cannot believe that people are trying to make excuses for what is happening in these pictures.. He's trying to demonstrate something on her. Feeling her glands. Pulling a stray hair from her nose.. Wtaf.

She doesn't seem to be screaming for help. Really?
She should have hit him back?

Some of you really, really have no idea. You really think it is that easy to walk away from a DV relationship? Then why do millions of people live in violent relationships? Why, because of dv are there daily deaths? Do you think that these victims enjoy the sheer terror of their daily existence. Don't be so ridiculous.

It is because of conditioning. Victims are told all the time that it's their fault. When the abuser appologises, espeically in the eary days, its with the whole sorry babe, I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just I get so frustrated with x,y and z (something the victim has done). I will try harder next time to control myself. The abuser will behave themselves for a few days, and then boom, the circle has started again.

The victims I know, all come from abusive childhoods as well. Abuse is sadly all they know. They associate abuse for love. When someone is nice and caring it is treated as rejection. It is hard to get out of the relationship becuase they don't see it as wrong.

But yes lets blaim the victims. Lets ignore what we see in front of us. Lets try and rationalise it for something that it isn't. Let's say its him being loving and caring. Because this is what loving and caring people do... If this is honestly what some of you think, then start to take a look at your relationships. How many times are you blaimed for another persons anger. How many times are you told how to behave. The answer should be none.

HotCrossPun · 16/06/2013 12:28

Well said Ihearsounds

KatyDid02 · 16/06/2013 12:31

It's awful. I'd be mortified if I were her, I mean to have pictures like that all over the papers. Poor woman.

PoppyAmex · 16/06/2013 12:35

"I'd be mortified if I were her, I mean to have pictures like that all over the papers. Poor woman."

WTF? Why should she be mortified? And her biggest problem is being in the papers?

I'm actually spluttering right now. Words fail me.

Back2Two · 16/06/2013 12:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

KatyDid02 · 16/06/2013 12:44

Suffering the abuse is awful, having it dragged out in public makes it all worse.

OutragedFromLeeds · 16/06/2013 12:46

I'd just like to make it clear that 'she doesn't seem to be screaming for help' was not victim blaming nor was it a criticism of her. I hope if read in context with my other comments this is clear.

ihearsounds · 16/06/2013 12:46

No she shouldn't be mortified. Again this is portraying that as the victim she is in the wrong.

He should be the one that should be mortified.

PoppyAmex · 16/06/2013 12:46

No, Katy - keeping it "in the family" because it's "shameful" is what makes it worse.

moisturiser · 16/06/2013 12:47

I don't think she should be mortified, but sadly people often do feel embarrassed at this sort of thing. Have you never been crying in public, someone comes up to you and asks what's wrong and you say, 'oh nothing, I'm fine,' hoping desperately they'll leave you alone because you feel embarrassed more than anything?

NL has nothing, nothing to feel embarrassed about, the poor woman I hope she's got someone to give her a massive hug and help her get out. CS has everything to feel embarrassed about. But sadly abuse victims do feel shame and I can imagine she will be feeling mortified. She shouldn't but I bet she is.