Fucking hell, Nigella picture, WTF? [includes links to upsetting images]

[BoffinMum]

twitter.com/suttonnick/status/346017840106704898/photo/1

Tomorrow's Sunday People cover. Where do we even start with this?

I am not getting this Boffin.
Why is there nothing you can do now about what happened to you?

I think I am right in saying that it is possible to put something on record with the police, but to ask for it not to be taken any further.
But then, if someone else comes along and makes a complaint, there are then 2 records on the police file.

practicality. It can take lots of abuse, and lots of times of attempted leaving, before someone leaves a situation like that for good.

Oh Boffin That all sounds scarily familiar. I have had a relationship with a very well known and successful man in his field. The whole improving thing rings such bells. It wasn't lists (but I wouldn't have put it past him). He used to tell people how much he had improved me and every time I was in the kitchen cooking he would tell me how I should be making what ever it was. And there were always the little suggestions about how to behave and what to wear. Fuck. The. Fuck. Off.

And the putting down in public too. I wasn't spoken to for days if I disagreed with him in front of other people. He slapped me across the face at a party for speaking to another man. Nobody said anything.

I went out briefly with another businessman and he smashed up the house around me when I put the phone down on his new girlfriend (so many reasons why that relationship was brief )

It's eerie how the same things are replicated throughout abusive relationships. It's like there is a template.

Yup Scallops. the one I lived with used to have taxis in account, then sit in the back yelling JEEEEEESESFUCKINGCHRIST CAN YOU NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS FUCKING TRAFFIC!!!!!! all the way into central London, when TBH nobody at his office where he did his Big Important Media Job even particularly cared whether he was five minutes late or not.

I'm glad to see a bit of follow-up to Roy Greenslade's article, but I do feel a bit that nobody saw anything wrong in him writing the original article about a close friend without acknowledging it.

I remember posting on here years and years ago that I wished British journalists had to say what their connection was to the subject/person in the article at all times. 'Fantastic Book... written by my wife's best friend who I see most weekends' for example. 'Scandalous Experience.... of my brother-in-law'. I would say that journalists should recuse themselves from any involvement in a story that affects people they know, but how would the papers be filled?

joan I did mention this on the other Nigella thread in chat. I think it's a poor excuse and, as I said there, he really should have considered just not writing the article if his position as a friend (of NL only or both of them, I wonder?) was going to compromise it in any way. And frankly I think he's let her down as a friend by writing an article that is so determined not to condemn violence against her.

Had a bit of an ephiny.
Had a relook at one of Boffins links on the first page.
It says that Saatchi and Nigella hardly spend anu time apart from each other.
I know a few couples like this.
I used to think it was a bit endearing, but too emotionally stifling for my personal taste.
But is the real reason because one person is trying to control the other?

That would be my suspicion yams, yes.

I don't think you can assume that but it might be the case here. Not enough evidence to tell.

So Nigella has been seen without her wedding ring on.

And if I am correct CS has gone back to the same restaurant????

Good re wedding ring.
His 2nd ex wife thinks he is being treated unfairly!
And doesnt want this to be part of his legacy.
I have noticed before hoe "top" people are concerned about their legacies.

As far as I can see with legacies though, is that unless you are say a royal , or politician, you are all but forgotten after 50 years.
100 years at the most for eg the likes of Charlie Chaplin or Walt Disney.

the not hoe!

I think the key, if you are concerned about your legacy, is to make sure you don't balls it up and do something so horrific that it overshadows your other work. You know, like putting your hands round your wife's throat.

^^

Yup.

did anyone hear the nick clegg interview?

No. What's he said now?

Just read it.

Not got the best track record has he?

on the one hand, i think he at least tried to answer. most of them wouldn't have bothered. it's just a shame he fucked it all up.

as i said on the other thread, though. if i had seen them and known who it was, NO WAY would i have intervened. just... cos. i think i would have still been processing who the fuck it was.

and if i hadn't... i almost certainly would have tried to catch her eye afterwards, and might have tried to catch a surreptitious snap of it and seen if the police wanted it as evidence.

so it's a tough question, because the truth is really not great.

No I can't imagine I would have intervened. Not in between sleb A and sleb B.

because they're slebs... which is ridiculous, but i know it would have put me off.

I know.

It's a hidden in plain sight kind of thing isn't it?

even more frightening for her, one imagines.

Just some thoughts:

1. Re bystanders not doing anything - I don't blame anyone for not intervening, even a reporter. We never know how we are going to react to violence.

1. We don't know the circumstances of CS and his ex wive/s and their arrangement - I imagine they have some kind of clause where they can't say too much.

1. Nigella must have economic independence I really really hope her family help her. She did a who do you think you are and she has a sister and brother - I really hope they help her out of the CS situation.

But not even phoning the police?? In what other circumstance would so many people do nothing having witnessed someone putting their hands round someone in public? I can imagine not wanting to get involved personally, but a call to the police surely?

Loads of people don't intervene if they see a DV situation. That's one of the horrifying things about DV- it's almost normalised and tolerated. Even the police until very recently.

It's almost as though people think "the victim wants to be abused, else why would they stay?" Which is one of the myths about DV- that the victim feels they have a choice not to endure it. DV doesn't start with physical violence or the victim would be out the door very quickly. It's a lot more subtle and corrosive than that.