Apparently I can't be a feminist because I changed my name when I married.

[dustandfluff]

I heard someone (a feminist writer dunno who) on Radio 4 a few months ago saying women who change their names when they get married are not feminists.

. I have long been interested in feminism and women's rights. I appreciate the feminist arguments against changing your name. I had my reasons but I don't think that's relevant here. To me this sounds as though to "be" a feminist you have to meet a particular standard.

I think this is the kind of thing that puts a lot of women off the movement.

Opinion s anyone?

There is another way, my dd has blended mine and dh's surnames to make her own.

Say I was Smith and he Bones, she is Smones.

My depressingly untheoretical children are hyphenated. Whwt they do when they form relationships is entirely up to them. Their hyphenated name is theirs, in the same way that my name is mine and their dad's is his. We have made it clear from the beginning that they can drop either part of the name if they want to. However, as one part sounds nice but is unusual and hqrd to spell, and the other is one letter change away from a rude word, I will probably encourage them to make a new name for their new families when the time comes. But it's actually nothing to do with me- as people are so fond of saying on baby name threads, I had my chance when I named my children.

However-I am obviously 'the wrong sort' of feminist. (I generally am on MN)

So, Hully

I am Doreen Oak(*) and he is Gregory Beech
And upon marriage I stay Doreen Oak and he stays as Gregory Beech.

And our children are Nathalie Oak and Simon Beech.

hahah you have no idea all the crossing out I just did. Got way-laid by double-barrelleding.

OK well that is totally simple and fair.
Why don't we just do that?

(* not my real name at all)

yes what seeker said. my two have our surnames. i would hope they pass one of them on to their children but what they do is up to them

But it's actually nothing to do with me

One last word-I can agree -how true. What my DSs and possible DIL's do is nothing to do with me and I frankly couldn't care!

yy slubber

I mean Doreen

mm

I'm just trying to work out what dh and I would have done when when dropping half of our hypothetical hyphenated names upon the birth and naming of dd1. Even if all the grandparents were as breezy and reasonable as you chibi and seeker.
I would have found that decision horribly difficult.

Hully you are so close I'm PMSL

My maiden name was rather more foreign and almost as hard to spell than one of the above though and I was delighted to take DH's name which was nicer than mine.

My grandad who was Russian took my Grandma's name for pretty much the same reasons .

I think I'm probably 1/2 feminist btw. Done the career and now have a full time job again but also regard the house as my domain entirely. Overall DH and I spend an equal amount of time on the things that make our family unit run like clockwork. I work 7-8 hours a day and do or manage the domestic stuff; he works at least 12 hours a day (cut back lately). Ultimately I do what I want and he does what he wants (within reason) and it works fo rus.

Huh. I did change my name, but I do call myself a feminist, and will continue to do so. I think that it's possible to be a feminist and sometimes behave in an unfeminist way. I have friends that call themselves feminists but like wearing make up, or heels, or having their nails done. Or feel pressure to conform and do, at work for instance. I didn't want my birth name, it had nothing but negative connotations for me. I could have chosen a brand new name, I suppose, but in the end I adopted DH's perfectly ordinary name, while knowing that I was going along with a patriachal tradition. But the tradition was not my reason, although it provided handy cover iyswim. This one decision did not define my whole ideology.

"I'm just trying to work out what dh and I would have done when when dropping half of our hypothetical hyphenated names upon the birth and naming of dd1. Even if all the grandparents were as breezy and reasonable as you chibi and seeker.
I would have found that decision horribly difficult."

Whereas dropping your name and giving your child his/her father's name is strqightforward, simple and not problematic at all?

We gave the dc dh's surname because he won Rock,Paper,Scissors.

would your dp have gone with your surname had you won?

No he would have beaten me and sent me back to the kitchen to iron his dinner.

it only required a yes it no?would he have happily taken your surname

That wasn't the issue.

And yes/no is just dull.

Seeker is your aimed at me?

My reference to you at 16:28:14 is not sarcastic. I am just musing about the potential problems that could occur when two double-barrelled surnames marry/have children. It's a sticking point for me when I think about this issue.

I have no problems with the argument for women keeping their names when they get married until I get to that point.

marry not required in that sentence on re-reading,

well, it depends what yu mean by "aimed"!

I really don't understand why what happens in the next generation is a stickingnpoint, but changing your name to your partner's this generation isn't!

Seeker, your came after your question which followed you quoting my post. So I was just enquiring if you were posing that question and face at me?

I take it you were.

I fully understand, can appreciate and (in hindsight) am on board with women keeping their surnames when they get married. I think it is A Good Thing.
However when you double-barrel your surnames to give to your child I get stuck with the trail of consequences because, although some people, like yourself, do not mind what their offspring do with the respective parts of their surnames, some people will. They will mind very much. And therin lies huge potential for deeply upsetting members of the family.

I am thinking about this issue. Mn is good for this.

They deal with double-barrelled surnames perfectly well in other countries. Spain, for instance.

How do they do in in Spain?

Spanish name rules here Still not perfect, because it tends to be the grandfather's name on both sides given to the child, but at least women's names do survive one generation - you could adapt it by giving free choice which of your parents' names you hand down.