Make love not porn

[Hullygully]

New sex site, founder keen to educate men about "real love making" not porny stuff.

Hurray?

Depends on the site!

Potentially it's a nice idea, though I wonder how it'd work. I think it'd need to be educating men and women, though. I wouldn't fancy being a bloke and feeling I needed detailed sex lessons while women just naturally knew what to do/didn't need to do anything.

I wonder about 'love making' as a term, too ... am I being way too literal, or is there owt wrong with shagging like bunnies for fun without worrying about 'love'?

yes yes for all sexes.

I think make love not porn is just the title.

It's erotica rather than porn with the associated benefits of trying to show somwthing other than the pornificiation of sex young men see.

Oh, I see. Love not porn is a great title.

It sounds great to me but I'm going to do the cautious fence-sitting thing, I think, since I can see how it could go wrong.

About bloody time

Sounds great in principle, will have a google!

The founder was in an article in one of the weekend mags, grauniad I think. She got the idea after havign lots of sex with 20 something men (she is older)...

It's slightly patronising I feel. The first page tells you "Hey, some women don't like it if you come on their faces". Really? What proportion of men actually need to be told this?

It's aimed at young men/teenagers, even though it has an over-18s disclaimer, the style is very teeny, the kind of thing where they incorporate text speak into logos and names like "Just 4 U" (the name of our young mum's group!)

However, I think it's mostly good. I can think of criticisms for it (the comments appear to be unmoderated too...) but at least someone is trying to reverse te bombardment and it might provide a good starting/talking point for a PSHE lesson or similar.

Are we talking about this site BTW? I thought it had been around for a while, so maybe I'm getting confused.

makelovenotporn.com

It must be that site, tis the same name.

In the article her experience told her that a lot of men DO need to be told about the aggression of the penis and its centre-staging because most young men now get their sex ed from male-centred porn.

It is also erotica that both men and women can watch without one being degraded. Surely a good thing for those that want to watch sexy time?

Mmm. In theory, it is a nice idea and consensual sex with 20 year olds is lovely, and so on. But I'm slightly 'hmm' about the dynamic with her saying she needs to teach younger men. I don't know why. I suppose because if it were an older bloke saying he was going to teach a load of 20 year old women how to give him a good time, we'd all be up in arms. I know the situations aren't parallel, but still.

There's going to be feathery stroking, isn't there?

No, it's proper sex. Apparently there are porn stars having proper sex and other volunteers who like to get it on for the public (I can't understand this, but y'know). There are people having sex and sharing and taking turns and giggling and that. Real sex.

I think it's a good thing. When there are porn "debates" we always get the, erotica v porn. Here's someone doing it.

So, its not a porn site that has "nice" porn in it then?

I like porn, i find it erotic, i don't want all my sex to be all lovey dovey either.
BUT i do not want to watch porn that is depicting women as objects etc etc and i do not want to watch porn that i don't KNOW is 100% consensual, in fact that the woman isn't just doing it for the money (but then is that not justification in itself? don't we all, to a certain degree prostitute ourselves to our jobs just for the money?) but is OK with it, in herself, has good self esteem etc etc.

Where can i find porn like that?

I couldnt find that on the link, i'll look again

Why are they volunteers though? I'd want to be paid (even if no one would actually pay to watch me shag!)

I haven't seen any of it, but according to the article it's "real sex"

it's still porn though, not erotica

moving images of people having sex is pornography, even if the bloke gives the woman a kiss afterwards instead of coming on her face as the endpoint

I can see a need for "better" porn, bearing in mind that it's whole concept isn't going away any time soon (unfortunately) and that many teenagers get their sex education from stuff that is seriously demeaning to women

I haven't looked at the site though, and won't be settling down to watch it with my teenagers, nor giving them the link and saying "go on, my son, knock yourself out..."

I see I shall have to watch some.

I was encouraged by what the article said, but I haven't seen it and don't want to make assumptions and start having a debate based on supposition.

If it does do what it says on the tin, I think it's a positive thing. (Bearing in mind large numbers of the population clearly do want to watch sexy time stuff.)

even if the bloke gives the woman a kiss afterwards instead of coming on her face

^ That's working on the assumption it's still male-centric. The point is that it's mutual enjoyment etc.

have a look and report back, hulls

I doubt that premise, tbh

Read what she says in the article, tis interesting. Probs online somewhere, I'll look.

It is very difficult to make a judgement about something that I've not seen.

From the information on the website, it would seem to be a list of things that are in porn, followed by the explanation for each one that some women want to do that and some women don't.

So how they're going to make that into a video, I do not know. How do you make a video of people not doing things? What are they going to do instead? What is the 'reality' of sex that they're going to show?

here

So it's 'tasteful erotica' and 'the reality of healthy but hot sexual relationships.'

Which is what, exactly?

This is what I want from porn

Close ups of men and women's bits, doing the do! I also like to watch women play with toys! It is very much about ME if that makes sense - i am straight, but mostly into watching women. Can be lesbians, but it doesn't matter really. MAybe a sexual scenario that i might like to find myself in. Maybe i like to see myself looking like some of the women, but im happy with my body so not sure about tat.

Its all about fantasy, i don't see why porn can't be made like that, i agree that it all seems to be about the man or the woman having things DONE to her, not necessarily for her pleasure.

spaniel - I guess what it says, as opposed to women being acted upon.

I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I genuinely don't understand and hope somebody else does.

What does it mean to be acted upon? Maybe it means that porn is about male sexual fantasies being acted out on women, and this new film is going to show a range of female sexual fantasies. If that is the case, it isn't mutual. It is about showing men what women want (which will presumably be very varied).

Or it means that women will not be acted upon because they will be the active partner, or that the partner's will be mutually active in what they are doing. But what does that mean? What is active and what is passive in sex?