Women subsumed into their children

[Xenia]

We certainly must guard against woman as only mother and nothing else

www.ft.com/cms/s/2/0bf95f3c-f234-11e1-bba3-00144feabdc0.html#axzz25Ieiea9E

I know men who have photos of their children as their profile pic, is something the matter with them as well?

If a woman ( or man) wants to be viewed as a parent first and foremost, what's the problem.

People who want to be viewed from the lens of their wonderful career are the sad ones imo.

Being a parent is the most important role you'll ever have in your life, if it's not, you shouldn't bother having children.

Agree that profile pictures often reflect what is going on in your life, rather than "who you are". My last few profile photos have been - me and DP on holiday, DS on his birthday - at the moment it is actually a family member's child DP also regularly has photos of things that aren't him, or photos of DS.

I have noticed other male friends on FB have similar profile photos - a quick scan of my friends list reveals men with:

• a photo of him holding a baby
• a photo of a motorbike
• a photo of a tattoo (not his)
• a photo of a 4 year old with a guitar
• a photo of him and his wife

"whilst men remain visible as people." My DH has a picture of a rabbit as his profile pic. Should I tell him he is being subsumed into something sinister?

I agree malifence

Dp's current picture is of our DS.

Mine is one of a night out with DP. But yesterday it was of DS and our new puppy.

If we keep going back to reading the article on my first link she talks about women whose lives become just the children and I have indeed sat with some from time to time and it is deathly dull. They have literally discussed brands of suntan lotion for their children!

By all means have children as part of your life but it is important people realise women even with children under 5 remain people, often workers, leaders and these days the new rich - as women in the UK under 40 are more likely to be millionaires than men are.

i change my profile pic quite often with family not that close and some in america etc fb is used to share family pics and yes they are mainly of my children. i have also put up pics of cakes i have made. the bike i put together for ds4's bday. someof me, they are just a snapshot of my life. that and chatting to friends and family is what i use fb for.

i couldnt give a flying fig what feminist or not impression my fb account gives! it serves the purpose that i want it to and i use it when i need to and choose my security settings carefully.

and yes i am proud of my children and proud to be a mother, parenting is important and sadly undervalued.

Who says you have to speak about work our children?

I speak about DS if I think its something others might be interested in (which isn't very much because lets face it do I really care if a friends child enjoyed their ice cream?), I never speak about work as its very confidential.

I often have discussions about things like music, books, movies and general topics that I have in common with my friends. Many of whom are parents. If they ask about children or advice then yes I will happily discuss for hours.

Anyway I'm being completely unobservant today as I've just noticed this is a femenist conversation which I don't normally take part in, so I shall bow out :o

I have a pic of my kids as my FB one; it's a rather nice photo, with the children only part of the whole.

I will admit at times that I feel subsumed into motherhood, but only in the sense of a relentless tsunami of tedious demands on my time that could otherwise be spent drinking gin and reading novels.

(I have very strong views on women who change their surnames on marriage, mind. And on marriage per se. And on women who do more than their fair share of the housework.)

I think that some people don't actually understand the concept of "the avatar" that facebook profile pics are based on.

I totally agree with the article's author and I really hate when people replace themselves with their child.. by ALL means have you WITH your new baby.. or children, and by all means have one without you in it at all if you want anonymity (cartoon characters, flowers, teacups, mountains, arty shots) but understand that everytime you update a status or make a comment that comment is coming 'from' the avatar you have chosen to represent yourself.. if you keep a particular photo for long enough people begin to think of you as that image... and if you have a toddler there people will feel like they're having a conversation with your toddler and not with you.

Also should add - one of my hobbies is taking photographs and I love to photograph people, especially children. I only have one child so DD is photographed a lot. My photos also reflect my hobby.

I don't do Facebook but what I find more annoying is people who use their wedding photo or have the duck face expression one.

I get the impression that women who use their children for their profile pic have very young children and TBH that stage can be all consuming.

maybe I don't know how thick your friends are but mine won't mistake me for my 10mo DS.

peanut, anyone can be on the feminist pages. Feminism just means you want equality under the law for men and women and fairness at home. On that definioint (which is mine) just about everyone except the most traditionalist Pakistanis and Saudis are feminist in the UK, male and female.

When I first started reading her article I thought iwas going to be about feminism and looks - that women cannot enjoy how they look as they age and think youth is beauty (although of course often youth is beauty in men and women - there are plenty of fat ugly bald middle aged men around who look nothing like as good as their teenage sons). I am not sure she quite means that.

I see it is an extract from something else and suspect her book is probably a good read and would better illustrate her views. I found it hard to extract from the extract what her main message was.

maybenow - I have never "talked" online to the picture; I talk to the person attached to the name. I see my FB friends as real people and I know the people behind the name. I talk to THEM not their picture.

Marking thread for later ... and interesting discussion to be had ...

(an interesting discussion)

Many of these women work. Many of them are in book clubs.

Sorry- I couldn't really take the rest of the article seriously.

oh thats just bollocks that you are talking to the toddler not the actual person. my family and friends have a variety of profile pics. themsrleves, children, pets, gravestones! all sorts of bizarre and obscure things. i still know who i am talking to...the name by the pic kind if gives it away and their 'style' of posting etc.

i think some people are taking profile pics rather seriously and if you want to go all freudian and fo that fibe. i would say that most people dont put that much thought into them tbh. i certainly dont annalyse peoples pics if i like them i say so but otherwise i dont pay that much attention, let alone start analysing it for insights into their persona!

I'm not sure what the likelihood of being millionaires has to do with fb profile photos? If course we all know people (men and women) that talk about nothing but their DCs, and some may have their DCs as their picture, but having their picture doesn't mean you are one of those people.

Then again I have taken my husbands surname so I must have completely lost my identity....