Women subsumed into their children

[Xenia]

We certainly must guard against woman as only mother and nothing else

www.ft.com/cms/s/2/0bf95f3c-f234-11e1-bba3-00144feabdc0.html#axzz25Ieiea9E

I know what you mean by those Lurking but I have seen other variations too.

I have a few examples such as "chief cook and bottle washer", "pro bum wiper" and "dogsbody" on my Facebook and they actually bug me because I think people put this kind of thing to avoid putting "SAHM" which would be perfectly acceptable.

To me personally its always made me think these people are ashamed of what they do which is sad, but why post some weird crap that trivialises and draws attention?

Does that make any sense? I am v.tired today :o

I dunno, I think it's just being funny rather than self conscious, like maybe if they worked for BA, they'd put Employer: the world's favourite airline... No, really.

I don't put any of that stuff on mine so maybe not best placed to comment there.

Not sure what happened there

I am no fan of children's pictures as profile pictures. If I want to share snaps, I upload them to an album and people can look at them there, if they want.

Mind you, as my profile pic is of husband and me dressed up as starship troopers, maybe I am not best placed to judge...

Agree, I loath the twee, jokey attempts to avoid saying SAHM - you don't actually have to put your job on FB, if you don't want (and I don't).

Women do lose their individual identities (and often their jobs) when they have children.

This is very much a feminist issue because you don't see the same pattern in men when they become parents.

Having a DC has always been something women have been congratulated for (as long as they aren't poor or single). So women use this as a marker of their success if they have a lack of other 'successes' eg career/ social life.

I personally don't like to see it but I hate the white dress wedding photo as profile picture even more.

au contraire i think that being a mother is the most important job in the world, with the possible exceptation of finding a cure for cancer.

also think that housework is more important than is generally recognised.

fed up with the trite glamourisation of a 70's childhood. it was NOT all better then.

every individual's choice should be validated by others with the proviso that it is not damaging other people. honestly what does it matter what choices other women make? just because they have a baby photo on facebook it does not follow that we will all become muslim.

by looking down on women who stay at home, you are disempowering them and a part of the patriarcal system yourself.

nooka:
I don't get why people put their child's face up where their own face is supposed to go either. I post pictures of my family to share with my wider family frequently (I no longer live in the UK) but not as my profile picture because that's not the purpose of the profile picture. My children are not my avatar, they are themselves (and lovely and gorgeous too, just not me). When you post a new set of pictures they get shared with all your friends (and whoever else you choose) so no need to put them as your profile picture.

---

This! Exactly this!

basking it's not about putting anyone down.

But the idea that the wider world is interested in the minutae of any of our lives is a nonsense. Also, the sanitising of that life is what is wrong.

The endless posts and pictures of happy gleaming children and cakes and new kitchen cupboards is not real. It is like women now wish to live in the pages of Sunday supplemements. It is highly corrosive.

there's a sneer though isn't there? i can hear it through the ether.

Some of my Facebook friends (who are real life mates) have pages that make their lives appear like they're a modern day 50's housewife, when in reality they're really funny women with fascinating jobs, friends and hobbies.

I wonder if a lot of it has to do with projecting yourself as how you want others to see you as opposed to what you actually are? My FB is all about funny pictures, petitions, discussing my volunteer work through inbox as the other vollies live too far away and occasionally posting some of my favourite poems/quotes. I guess given this info, I want people to see me as very light hearted, when in reality have a lot of issues to work through.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you have a fascinating job, earn lots, buy lots of material goods, have expensive holidays and proclaim this over FB, then you are both boasting and gloating. If you have all this but choose instead to post things about home life, then you are subsuming yourself in your family.

I personally don't like people who post stupid comments that then invite others to ask how they are but they don't reply. I also do not give a shiny shit about the minutiae of others' lives in terms of what they had for breakfast or which salon they're now in. But I do care about seeing pics of their family and things which matter to them. When I chat to people on the phone, I expect the same sort of interaction - discussion of things which matter to them, and to me. That's what being friends with people is about, isn't it? Caring about what matters to each other.

Not shallow boring shit.

lurking and that is my issue with FB.

None of it is real. It is a fiction. And yet it is the worst sort of fiction because it puts itself out as real.

Just looked through my FB friends out of interest and the only one with a wedding profile pic is male!

I agree with Lurking and others who say that FB isn't massively reflective of real life. How could it be? You have to write statuses that are suitable for both your 65 year old aunt and the colleague who you snogged when you were 21. You have to bear in mind that friends of friends might see your picture and one or two things about you even at max privacy. It's hardly the place for raw home truths, is it? That'd be MN

Even MORE boring than someone talking about their kids all night at dinner/party/pub is someone talking about their JOB all night. Like I give a hoot what goes on in your office!! I rarely talk about work in the company of others and I'd be very pleased if others would do the same. The point is bores come in every flavour.

And in the 'livelier' corner of the room men are talking about their children, I kid you not about football, and ipods/Music from years gone by. Oh yes they are streets ahead in the conversation dept than the women talking about their children.

I speak of a very recent party of overly educated people.

I got DD to sleep in her buggy, got a wee bit drunk and danced the night away with the gays who are far less tedious though they do go on about their bloody cats.

I have all sorts as my FB profile piccy, including occasionally photos of my kids. As a FT working Mum I rarely get the occasion to indulge in conversations with other Mums about my/their children. I couldn't care less if someone thinks I'm lost because of this. I can assure you I'm not.

I missed the rules re what the purpose of a 'profile' picture is on FB! Please point me in their direction ...............

I don't see the issue re FB profile picture. I don't like having my photo taken and my profile picture shows the back of ds running through a formal garden. He can't be identified but people who know me would recognise him. I think that is a preferable picture than the gooning/drunken glass in hand ones that lots of people seem to choose. I don't think it means I identify myself as only a mother but then I suppose it depends how you choose to use fb. The only people who are my friends on fb have some connection to ds's school life. I'm not friends on fb with any real friends as I see my real friends and keep in touch with them in the old fashioned way - phone calls and seeing them.

As a FT working Mum I rarely get the occasion to indulge in conversations with other Mums about my/their children.

The endless posts and pictures of happy gleaming children and cakes and new kitchen cupboards is not real. It is like women now wish to live in the pages of Sunday supplemements. It is highly corrosive.

And the article criticising men for their facebook photo choices is where? Oh of course, there isn't one because this is just about finding a particularly dull and tedious stick to beat women with, isn't it?

"Some of my Facebook friends (who are real life mates) have pages that make their lives appear like they're a modern day 50's housewife, when in reality they're really funny women with fascinating jobs, friends and hobbies.

I wonder if a lot of it has to do with projecting yourself as how you want others to see you as opposed to what you actually are? "

I stopped being who I am on facebook in favour of a rather anodyne page that I basically use to manage my social calendar. Largely because of all the threads on here saying they hate it when people do x,y,z on fb and I got fed up of being paranoid all the time that someone may be being offended or sneering at me.

I agree ProvincialLady

As an aside, i'd be surprised if most of the profile pictures are of older children.

When I had two under two I was subsumed by motherhood, I was fucking knackered - no family nearby, no childcare for either of them. I had absolutely no energy to do anything for myself.

Now they're two and four I go to the gym, sing in a choir, volunteer for a charity. But two years ago, my kids basically were the sum total of my life. I'd happily put my photo on now - two years ago, a photo of me knackered, overweight, to present myself to the world? No thanks.

Is it such a terrible thing to give a few years over to early childhood and pick up where you left off a bit later? It makes me really cross that people think it's wrong to concentrate on your children when they're tiny.

I loved the experience of giving myself over to my babies - such a lovely change from being a professional in the office every day. For me it was a completely alternative universe and I enjoyed every moment of it, even if it was slightly surreal. Soon enough I'm back being the 'professional'.

If this gets reflected through my FB page so what? I'm proud of my babies and my mothering of them. I only have real friends on FB anyway, and it was nice to have that connection with the world through FB, especially in the dead of night up BF etc.

yy hiphopoptomus