Women subsumed into their children

[Xenia]

We certainly must guard against woman as only mother and nothing else

www.ft.com/cms/s/2/0bf95f3c-f234-11e1-bba3-00144feabdc0.html#axzz25Ieiea9E

And ime it is no more strange than having a picture of your pet or some other random puicture on there. If I see a picture of a child as a FB pic I assume the parent just thinks the picture is a cute photo. i don't assume it means that there is nothing more to the person than being a parent - why would it, that is what would be more odd surely, to be a person making such assumptions???

Yes, this is the feminist issue - woman as mother and nothing else because her whole life is hearth and home, Kinder, Kuche, Kirche.
Saudi wife whose whole existence is the house, husband and family etc.

"Trills Sun 02-Sep-12 10:45:48

I'm not saying that I don't want to see pictures of your child in general, I'm saying that I find it odd when people's profile picture, the picture that says "this is me" is a picture of a different person, a person who is not them."

On the child consent issue if a child can give an active informed consent, that's fine. I think the ICO suggests about age 13 is the age which a child can decide such things. I think it is probably right that if BOTH parents consent then a child's image can be used and a child can be put into modelling and acting auditions and/or spend Sundays in religious class or whatever the parents choose but there will come a point when a child has a right to consent and that might mean at 13 the child asks you to remove every photo you have ever p ut of it on line even in private friends only FB areas.

Hula fair enough, your DD is old enough to decide but perhaps others aren't, children can be insecure too butto some I don't think that matters.

I have recently unfriended someone (my mums friend) because she put up a picture of her 4YO eating ice cream completely naked at the dining table, WTF? Should also add that I was never that keen on her anyway :o

can I just ask thigh who us it on your friends list that you think would bee so horrified by YOUR appearance because if they are like that, then they aren't worth having in your life.

"Yes, this is the feminist issue - woman as mother and nothing else"

You can't really tell whether a woman sees herself as a mother and nothing else just based on a FB photo though.

I am not on facebook but I don't understand the big deal about using your child's photo, there is nothing wrong in a women having a few years of her life where her child is more important than herself. Worse than that surely is edited photos of yourself.

I am neither interested enough in facebook or technically whizzy enough to keep changing my profile picture. I rarely post about my dc on fb though, I regard it as an adult space.

When you put a picture online it is no longer yours to remove.

I am sure no one would be horrified if I put my image up, infact there has been occasions where I have done so, and on Twitter my image remains. But I don't want to use it. That is my choice. It has nothing to do with what my friends might think.

Again yes your choice but presumably you used photos of your DD before asking, so where is her choice?

I;d rather see a picture of someone;s child than some of the dodgy pictures that some young women and men put up of themselves, - all that pouting, strabge expressions ... now then I do sometimes judge and wonder how on earth they can consider those pictures nice reflections on themselves, esp as most of the people look far nicer without the odd pose and expressions!

My facebook profile is me with dd2. It includes dd2 purely because it is the best photo of me I could find as it was taken by a professional who managed to disguise the fact that I'm carrying a few extra stone pounds.

I rarely post on facebook but when I do it is generally about my dds because that's what I use fb for. I use it to show family what my girls are up to, all privacy settings are really high so nobody else should be seeing them. I don't use it to talk about my life in general because I'm quite a private person really and don't want people to know too much about me and I certainly don't want to be the boring person who posts about every little thing they get up to 'off to the cinema', 'just ran 5 miles', 'about to eat dinner', etc. I have 'friends' like that and I have had to hide them cos I can't abide it.

Well, for what it's worth I know of both women and men who have put pictures of their children as their main picture on FB.
I wouldn't do it myself (I have a "cartoon" version of me, what that says I don't know), but on the other hand I only use FB very occasionally and my rare wall posts are almost exclusive pictures of DS because that is what the family overseas wants to see and it is easier to just plonk it there than email it and having to shrink size, etc. etc.

peanutMD - believe me, my DD has no issue whatsoever and hasn't done since she was tiny. i don't feel the need to ask permission every single time - I know my child! If there comes a time when she doesn't like it then I shall change them, til then I am happy I am not abusing my child's right to privacy or choice at all.

And what's worse, using a child you're immensely proud of to represent you.....or an expensive luxury possession such as an island to show the online audience only world what's important to you.

You know you are on a sticky wicket when you are drawing conclusions about contemporary feminism through the optic of FB.

Like most women, I haven't written a dissertation and I don't have a glittering career or amazing gap year travels to brag about. Maybe lots of women just have ordinary lives and their children are the most enjoyable and worthwhile thing in it.

Or is this only an issue for accomplished, preening types?

I, like many of my friends, have pictures of my DD as my profile picture most of the time. I also have a job/career which I love and have been quite successful in. Having a picture of my DD as my profile picture doesn't make me a 'woman as a mother and nothing else' how utterly ridiculous.

When we get together with our friends, first of all we don't sit women down end and men the other for a start, and my DH and many of our male friends talk more endlessly about the DCs than the women do frankly. What a sweeping generalisation that article was and I definitely would not describe it as 'thought provoking' in my opinion.

My DD is was much longed for and therefore the thing I am most proud of in my life. Same for DH. Not sure how that is a feminist issue...

I find this odd as well. Especially when the woman has changed her name to her husband's as well as replacing her photo with one of her child - it's like she's disappeared, you wouldn't know it was the same woman you used to know before marriage/kids.

My FB profile picture is always me with (at least one of) my dogs. Because they are an incredibly important part of my life, not to mention gorgeous :) But I wouldn't put a photo of my dog instead of myself as my main profile picture, that would just be odd.

There is a danger in defining oneself through ones children though and it clearly does tend to be only women who define themselves in these terms. Women are more than mothers just as men are more than fathers.

Caught up recently with someone I knew 12 years or so ago. She told me all about child #1, #2 and #3. I had never met any of the children so was not particularly interested in them. I wanted to know about her. It's almost as though there wasn't a her.

Great posts from Greythorne and Rubirosa.

I sometimes have DS as my profile picture. I sometimes have me, I sometimes have me and DP or me and friends! And I've even been known to have one of my pets.

It's nothing to do with my identity and it also has naff all to do with anyone else.

Great post, Greythorne.

Well I think people just use he photo to reflect what is happening in their lives. Like a scan pic to announce pg. when i had ds I put a pic on my cover, as if to say 'Ihaveabrandnewbabyboylookathisfacecosheisproperlush'.

I agree with
" Ephiny Sun 02-Sep-12 11:15:50

I find this odd as well. Especially when the woman has changed her name to her husband's as well as replacing her photo with one of her child - it's like she's disappeared, you wouldn't know it was the same woman you used to know before marriage/kids."

And LL.

Children are a part of the life of many men and women. Mine are very improtant to me but the gender issue is women disappearing whilst men remain visible as people.