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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Pokes head in wonders if she's going to get flambeed ... I'm floundering with this one it's thrown me a bit

59 replies

hathorisaskingaquestion · 05/07/2012 20:09

Not a fred about a fred.

Well it is, sort of.

There's a thread at the minute about how some woman dumped a guy because he had a small dick.

I try to impress on DDs (and DSs) that they are what they are and that they shouldn't conform to society's ideals of how they should look, the size of boobs/bums/willys doesn't matter.

How do others deal with this? Is it a feminist issue if it's all about the menz Wink

But it feels like a double standard on the thread to me what feminist links can I quote to show how ridiculous it is? Whether male or female or intersex or anything to be judged on the size of any appendage?

OP posts:
EclecticShock · 05/07/2012 20:27

It is ridiculous and double standards that people think its ok to not be sensitive and respectful about such a topic. People do dump people all the time due to their tastes in physical attractiveness. Some women don't like men who aren't tall, some men don't like women to be taller than them. Personal preference to a degree. Don't have any links but I'm sure someone will.

Original poster
hathorisaskingaquestion · 05/07/2012 20:41

The thread is here

OP posts:
minipie · 05/07/2012 21:03

I haven't read the thread but I would have though penis size preference is usually not really about how the man looks - it's more about sexual satisfaction. Many women find size doesn't matter but some only enjoy (or say they only enjoy) sex with medium to large penis'd men.

So I don't think it's really a full parallel with breast size or bum size which are aesthetic preferences rather than having any "function" iyswim.

EclecticShock · 05/07/2012 21:05

What about as you have kids and get older, your pelvic muscles can weaken... Isn't that comparable?

Original poster
hathorisaskingaquestion · 05/07/2012 21:12

I posted

"hathorisaskingaquestion Thu 05-Jul-12 17:48:08
How would any of you feel if it was your son being written about like this?

Or a man was posting "AIBU to dump a woman for having a fanny like a bucket"

Blush not very cultured I'm afraid

OP posts:
EclecticShock · 05/07/2012 21:18

I agree hath, dumping someone you are compatible in every other way with is crazy.

Original poster
hathorisaskingaquestion · 05/07/2012 21:23

All I can think is what chance is there for all the campaigns the feminists run (quite rightly in my opinion) about teaching girls not to conform to societal stereotypes and not worry about size of boobs/waxing/shaving legs and stuff if we, as women, are sending the message to men that all that matters is penis size.

As I said on the other thread, it smells like double standards to me.

OP posts:
TeiTetua · 05/07/2012 22:13

How about this little speech, suitable for any audience:
"Sexual attraction, even physically having sex, is a subjective thing, and we can all be conditioned to expect some particular thing from a partner and believe it's important. If you want to see men being judged, here's an example. But it's far more often women being judged, or even more tragic, judging themselves, for what might be wrong with their body. I just think we ought to try and stop doing it, whoever the victim is."
Sip from glass of water. Sit down.

Whatmeworry · 05/07/2012 22:25

Isn't this one of those "its not you, its me" white lie moments?

Treating others as you would be treated, I don't think its a Feminist thing per se.

messyisthenewtidy · 05/07/2012 22:38

Hath I don't see too much evidence of double standards from MNers (apart from OP) because the majority of posters said YABVU to the OP, that she was a nutter for giving up on her soulmate.

Your posts were really good and people agreed with you. As for it being a feminist issue TinyWillyGuy should probably go for a fem judging by the number of threads on FWR exploring the merits of non PIV sex!

WicketyPitch · 05/07/2012 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BasilBabyEater · 05/07/2012 23:31

Oh double standards is a big feminist issue.

24HourPARDyPerson · 05/07/2012 23:50

Isn't that pure objectification though? Feminists don't like that.

garlicbutt · 05/07/2012 23:50

I'm almost embarrassed to say I agree with Wickety. I didn't read t'other thread - if he is, indeed, her soulmate it's a very hard call to make. We're talking about a sexual relationship here and, if the 'sexual' part of it doesn't work, should you settle for an inadequately sexual relationship?

I'm one of those women who "only enjoy (or say they only enjoy) sex with medium to large penis'd men". I DO realise this must mean I'm a bit of a wizard's sleeve in the vadge department. Nothing I can do about that - my pelvic floor's as toned as hell but I can't tense the damn thing all the way through copulation.

I would equally consider it sad but wise if a male partner dumped me for the same reason.

garlicbutt · 05/07/2012 23:55

(erm, hoping it's obvious I wouldn't cite the exact reason, and would prefer my dumper to lie, too!)

Original poster
hathorisaskingaquestion · 06/07/2012 00:01

I think 24 has hit the nub of why it has unsettled me.

It's objectifying a man in the way that I don't like when it's done to women.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 06/07/2012 00:26

TinyWillyGuy should probably go for a fem judging by the number of threads on FWR exploring the merits of non PIV sex!

:o

Thing is, to most people sex is very important, if that doesn't work most other things won't, no point in hanging around, life is too short.

IMO its not objectifying anyone, its just a fact of nature that willy sizes vary and soem ewomen don't get off on little ones. So, not so much a Feminist thing, as just rude and disrespectful to actually say you are crap in bed/cock's too small/tits too small etc etc - tell a white lie, move on.

SardineQueen · 06/07/2012 09:33

eclectic

What about as you have kids and get older, your pelvic muscles can weaken... Isn't that comparable?

The comparison there would be a man developing erectile dysfunction or something like that when he ages or if he gets ill or whatever.

I think (my personal opinion) that if a couple are together and one of them experiences sexual dysfunction of some type, or a loss of interest, or stuff like that, then they should work together. Many women go off sex completely for quite a while after a baby, many men experience erection difficulties when they are much older. To say oh well then you're dumped would be terrible.

OTOH (and I haven't read the thread in question) sex is a big part of a relationship and it needs to be right at the beginning. When you start seeing someone it is a whole load of compatibilities you are after - and they all need to fit really. If a couple has incompatible personalities no-one says they should persevere, or if one doesn't fancy the other, so I don't see that someone should have to stay with a partner who does not do it for them in the bedroom dept (for whatever reason and after giving it a good try).

Surely it's much more objectifying for a person to refuse to go out with someone because they find them ugly? Yet no-one would say someone should go out with someone they find ugly.

Original poster
hathorisaskingaquestion · 06/07/2012 09:36

Sardine - Yes, I agree with you wrt the ugly comment.

But if you thought they were ugly you'd never get to the sex stage in the first place, would you?

And you'd not say to someone "you're ugly I'm not going out with you" or at least, not if you had an ounce of tact or compassion?

I just think of my sons and wonder what the difference is between that and women wanting labiaplasty or that operation I can't remember the name of to tighten their vaginas.

So sad and very shallow.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 06/07/2012 09:49

Presumably she didn't tell him she was chucking him because his penis was too small for her?

And I think labioplasty is about looks, while the penis thing is about feel.

Loads of men won't date women who don't have the body shape that they desire. And vice versa TBH.

SardineQueen · 06/07/2012 09:50

The pressure on men re their penises comes mainly from each other and from porn, surely?

Alameda · 06/07/2012 09:56

what on earth is a soulmate? something from twilight?

I have only ever met one man with an astonishingly small willy, it was no good to me but am quite keen on a bit of PIV and bumsex and it would need to touch the sides. That is not much to ask, every other schlong manages.

Surely nobody is under any obligation to stay with someone if they are not happy about something that can't be changed?

messyisthenewtidy · 06/07/2012 10:15

But surely the moral of the story is that the OP of the original Fred is really regretting it now cos she went out with Mr. Big and had nothing in common with him. So she's a wolly cos she could've had a meaningful relationship and we all know that coulda woulda shoulda are the last words of a fool. Smile

I'm sure am honest chat and a bit of alternative scenario seeking would have sorted things out.

WicketyPitch · 06/07/2012 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry · 06/07/2012 10:27

Its just Maslows law, innit - you can't self-actualise your soul if you're not getting a satisfactory banging. Afaics a small cock is like any other thing that makes a potential mate unattractive etc etc - if you don't like it, you don't have to lump it.

Don't see what its got to do with feminism, unless the argument is that women must make more of an effort for men that can't satisfy them than vice (ha) versa?

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