"Aung Sang Suu Kyi should have put her children first"

[blondieminx]

Just heard most staggering discussion on Jeremy Vine (yes i know - but am working from home while poorly, with Radio 2 on!) with overemotional "educationalist and commentator" Simon Waugh who was sadly orphaned age 6 who spent a good ten minutes saying that since Aung Sang Suu Kyi became a mother she should have put them first and come out of Burma to fight the battle from afar.

This is the woman who won the Nobel Peace Prize for her work in Burma FFS. As the lady from Refuge (didn't catch her name) said, "you woudn't be saying all this if she was a man". Quite.

Just makes me feel very ranty that some men, and specifically "educationalists" think that a woman's place is always in the home. Even in the case of a Nobel Peace Prize winning inspirational woman who has changed the path of her country and been a beacon of light and democracy.

When their dad died they were abandoned. They called her and begged her to come home when their dad was dying and she refused. What sort of heartless selfish parent does that? No wonder they don't support her and don't want to see her. I don't blame them. She can't just waltz back into their lives when it suits her and expect to be welcomed with open arms.

She was probably detached about her children at the interview because she doesn't care about them.

I don't at all think the mother is the 'superior' parent. At the same time, it generally does have a big impact on children if one of their parents leaves, especially for such a long period -- whichever parent it is.

Actually, perhaps I'm a bit biased because my best friend's mother left her when she was very little. She was raised by her dad, which was fine, but it's massively affected her, that her mother left her (and yes, even though by leaving, her mother was able to pursue a career helping people). I'm kind of surprised to see so many people saying 'they were fine, they were with their dad', as if never seeing one of your parents for 15-20 years is not that disturbing.

Unless you have walked in someone's shoes I wouldn't judge.

I would always put my children first so I am never going to be a leader of any sort-I can see that people would think differently and everything else takes second place.

I think she's walked a painful path and it's not over yet.
'Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lays down his life for his friends' - that doesn't just mean dying for others. It means living YOUR life for THEM. Sacrifice is sometimes needed. Aung Sang Suu Kyi has sacrificed her married life, much time as a mother, the life and career she could have had and she's done it all for the people of her Motherland. She's lain down her life for them, the life she should have had. I don't find that anything other than inspiring and praise-worthy.

tulip "When their dad died they were abandoned. They called her and begged her to come home when their dad was dying and she refused. What sort of heartless selfish parent does that?"

I wonder what your source is for this? There was certainly a scene in the movie depicting this.....! Perhaps,as you hold such strong opinions about ASSK, you should inform yourself a little more about her life and the history of Burma and at least make an attempt to walk in her shoes for even a moment. There are some interesting articles
here including one written by Aris in 1991. Other sources suggest that Aris was adamant, when he was dying that she should NOT return home. He was a Tibetan scholar, remember and had lived in Eastern culture. He knew exactly who he was marrying and could happen in the future.

And also remember, that the boys were about 20 and 24 when Aris was diagnosed. They were 2 years older when he died. There was a strong family network. Indeed, I believe ASSK is travelling to France next week with her inlaws.

tulip "No wonder they don't support her and don't want to see her. I don't blame them. She can't just waltz back into their lives when it suits her and expect to be welcomed with open arms."

That is simply wrong. Kim has visited several times since she was released from house arrest. He was waiting in Bangkok for his visa on the very day she was freed. There are reports that he actually lives with his mother in Yangon. The elder son lives in the US and apparently is part of a Buddhist commune.

tulip "She was probably detached about her children at the interview because she doesn't care about them."

Or perhaps that 'detached' appearnce is her fierce sense of privacy about her personal life. She NEVER, NEVER discusses family matters with the media. What a wise lady.

I realise that you will never change your opinion tulips. But please find out a little more about this absolutely extraordinary woman.

Great post, infin.

Yes great post infin

What is this "tarnished halo" crap? It just sounds like more of holding women to impossible standards to me.

Only 3 women out of 20 leaders at the G20 and only 1 of those had children.

We need better representation of women to get a better deal for women, but while we still brand women as selfish for daring to have big ambitions, this will never happen.

It is hypocritical - women soldiers get criticised for leaving their children behind and putting their lives in danger.

Alison Hargreaves who died in 1995 was criticised as a mum for climbing K2.

Yet the men are never criticised. Ambition, leadership and a need to bring about a change in the country are always going to be positions which demand sacrifice.

I am a teacher and I work bloody hard which means I have to sacrifice family time. It's a part of the job and a bloody hard one. I am however the kind of person who values family time which is why I could never go for a position which would take away more family time.

Leaders, explorers, adventurers, Foreign TV reporters - all these people do have to lose family time because of a commitment to a job and a role. It is blatantly wrong to criticise women who do this but to praise men. We need people like this to make the world a better place. We need men and women in this world like this and should not judge them when they have to make sacrifices and judgement calls.

She probably never discusses family matters because her family relationships are strained.

Like someone said upthread there are people who don't think their children's needs are important and those that do. She falls into the former camp as do many of you whilst i fall into the latter.

The trouble with her choice is that it had a huge impact on her 2 children who were not asked if it was ok for their mother to disappear for many many years. They must have also have been worried if she would be murdered too.

What an awful life to give to your children. Appalling.

There are plenty of men who have also had to make similar choices. To be the ones who stand up to make a difference - knowing that by standing up, they face jail or worse.

This also had an effect on their children.

Are they also to be criticised? People who stand up to make a difference, knowing that it could mean a long jail sentence or death.

Or should only men stand up, whilst the "little women" looks after the children?

A sensible post that puts it into perspective, infin.

Women and men will NEVER be treated equally. No amount of campaigning or legislation will change this.

The only way it will happen is when men grow wombs and lactating breasts and we share pregnancy childbirth and breastfeeding equally with men.

Until such a time you are wasting your time waiting for true equality.

That is the cold hard unfair truth about the human race.

Presumably these "other people" who should have fought the fight in Burma are childless men, tulips. Women, know your place - barefoot and pregnant. There's nothing you can do so worthwhile as toddler group.

FFS

Do you have any evidence whatsoever for your massive projections about her family life and relationships with her children?

I think this thread just got more interesting.

Do you think women will be "liberated" from the assumption that they are more responsible for childcare when the children are growing up?

tulips -"Until such a time you are wasting your time waiting for true equality."

If you're just waiting around, you're indeed wasting your time.

I'm not waiting around for equality. So I'm not wasting my time. But a lot of people on this thread are. It's a futile fight.

I am aghast at the utter ignorance of some posters. There are people (women and men) out there who make sacrifices for themselves and their families so that all our children can live in a better world. If everyone had such a singular and narrow view, the world would be a very sorry place.

Exactly Enimmead!

Tulips because you say your views will never change and they are at odds with the majority of posters on this thread, it seems there is little hope of you adding anything to further the debate... And calling someone a failure as a parent, twice, must count as a personal attack - something which contravenes MN talk guidelines. I won't engage with you any further on this.

I am glad to know I'm not alone in feeling very sad that ASSK's sacrifices and achievements would not be belittled if she were a man, and raging about the idea held by some that the mother should always be the one to stay home and look after the kids and that the father or co-parent's is somehow inherently less valuable. And breathe.

tulips - in my book, part of good parenting is trying to set an example for your children, and teach them that there's nothing they can't do or be if they really want to.

I wouldn't want my daughters to learn that they have to decide between children/family and other things, may it be a professional career, or political activism or whatever.

I wouldn't want to teach my children that equality is not worth fighting for, or that it will never be there.

You might be there for your children all the time, but I don't think that makes you the better parent.

agreeing with ....just about everyone....

She put everyone's children first.

Women and men will NEVER be treated equally. No amount of campaigning or legislation will change this.

They won't Tulip if everyone had the views you do. Luckily they don't, which is why such enormous positive changes have taken place in the UK for women over the last half century or so. You can't change the practices of millennia in a few years but we've come a heck of a long way in a short time.

ASSK seems to have brought near unity to FWR, that's how special she is