Taking AN ADULT child with a disability to a brothel

[DowagersHump]

They are talking about this on Women's Hour now. I wonder if parents with a daughter feel that she needs to be taken to a sex worker? Or is it only male children that 'need' sex?

I think Hully has raised a valid question.

What would the view on someone providing someone with disabilities some assistance to achieve orgasm through non PIV means? Not necessarily sex per se, but enabling someone to be able to masturbate who would otherwise not be able to without some form of help.

Eats - at the residential home where I work we have a married couple - as part of their care package they have been given a room each - they use one during the day as a lounge and the other is their bedroom

There are organisations that provides advice and aids, if needed to perform sex acts on themselves or others.

One of the best advisory services was set up by a man who became disabled and during the SW making a plan for him (not with him) decided that his sex life would stop.

He travelled across Europe, particulary in countries that are more open about sexual needs, build an information base.

This is a long standing 'dillemma' in social care with adults who need one to one care and have their own budget set. It is oppressive to set a list of what they can and cannot spend their money on, or where they are entitled to holiday, so in effect would not be committing an illegal act.

The same applies to purchasing pornography for service users.

Most support workers of adults would like this clarified once and for all.

Just because it isn't illegal if you travel abroad it doesn't mean it isn't morally wrong, for disabled and able bodied people to use prostitutes. But I understand that it is not illegal abroad but it is in this country so anyone aiding a person or paying for them to use a prostitute should also be culpable.

It's not illegal in the UK to use a prostitute or to be one.

It's illegal to promise someone payment for sex.

It is if the person promised the payment has been coerced by another person.
www.cps.gov.uk/legal/p_to_r/prostitution_and_exploitation_of_prostitution/#a15
You'll also be interested to see that this applies even when the coerced prostitute OR the coercive party is outside the UK.

As this is a strict liability offence, ignorance of the law is no defence. You would have to be absolutely sure your service provider was working entirely through their own choice.

I admit I didn't know this until I read it just now - it should be more widely known!

This is a topic I actually have some experience with. (Note I said SOME. I am not saying all disabled people are like this any more than I am saying all men are rapists.)

My father peddled me in kiddie porn when I was a child. One day he brought over a disabled man who was deeply obsessed with me 'from my movies.' Obviously having paid my revolting father a good sum of cash, I was handed over. This man half worshipped my nudity and half feared it. I received physical abuse during the rape from his fear and at the same time was told how we'd be 'together forever.'

Yars later (I mean years - I only found out a few months ago) I discovered that this man had actually been taken to many prostitutes since he was 19, and since this was his ONLY interaction with women sexually, I assume that did a toll on that part of maturing, as he obviously had no understanding of how sex and love work, when sadly I think all he wanted was love. In a strange way, I pity him now.

So that raises a question for me. Is there more harm than good in taking a disabled person to a brothel? How can you be certain this is 'the best thing for him' if you haven't properly vetted out HOW he will mature from this. Clearly this man's father thought he was helping his son 'experience life' by taking him to sex workers. So IMO emotional maturity plays a larger role than people realise. If someone is incapable of developing the level of emotional maturity to understand women deserve respect and are people too, why SHOULD they be having sex? They shouldn't. Women shouldn't have to be used like paper towels because someone is 'entitled' to experience sex. No one is entitled to experience sex! It's that thought pattern that has enabled rape for so many centuries.

I guess I just feel that people don't think about the consequences of throwing a (MENTALLY) disabled person into a brothel. There is a school of thought that disabled men are harmless and women should find it cute when they wolf whistle. Just another form of sexism.

I'm sorry if this post offends people, but this is my experience and I had no idea how else to word it.

Lurking - I think the way some people treat mentally disabled people's sexuality is patronising and encourages the abuse of woman. Your awful experience is at the extreme end of this. But I have when young seen mentally disabled teenage boys and young men trying to grope or other forms of sexual behaviour with young female carers, and virtually everyone around laughing at this. Somehow because they are mentally disabled, they don't really mean it and it is not really harmful.

Its not fair to women and its not fair as you say to the mentally disabled person themselves who should be taught appropriate boundaries and behaviour.

Sorry should have made it clear that some people seem to think - Somehow because they are mentally disabled, they don't really mean it and it is not really harmful.
Not that this actually is the case.

Lurking your post is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I think you make very good points too.

Lurking - how terribly sad that you experienced this at the hands of your father.

He was a scummy bastard. Wish I had time travelling abilities so I could interrupt my parents wedding and shout out 'mumsnet says LEAVE THE BASTARD!)

But seriously. What happened to me was terrible but you know what a great woman once said...

Although the world is full of suffering, it's also full of overcoming it.

"Is "being open about sexual needs" a euphemism for "where women are bought and sold"?

Was this a sex tourism guide he created?"

No he's gay, he went out of the UK because of the lack of recognition in planning of sexual needs for disabled people.

We like to use the word 'holistic' in the UK when it comes to service provision (i am a SW), but sex is ignored and it is a need (which is different from a right), so it is either plan to meet that need or remove it with drug treatment.

Thisis a human rights and ethical dilemma for service providers for people who have complex disablities.

If the person is mentally competant enough to make decisions, but nees a carer to travel or for assisstance, why should they not have the same freedom as a non disabled person. If the budget set is their's then they should have the right to spend it how they see fit.

There is a large movement of people who are disabled and gay that debate these issues regulary.

Birds -

Disabled or not, no man should be paying for sex. It's degrading to women, simple as that. I don't think ANYONE has argued the disabled don't deserve love and sex..They just shouldn't be going to sex workers!!

"Need" is a difficult word though.

And I don't honestly know that people do survive well without it. It seems to come out in one form or another. Look at priests - and they actually vow and promise and intend celibacy.

And no I am not advocating "prostitution"

Just thinking that it is a very difficult ethical area, as birds says.

For heaven's sake - I know lots of nice men who due to being a bit geeky, having high standards or whatever have gone a few years without sex. They have survived perfectly well though they might whinge a bit when drunk (as I might, having been celibate for a couple of years myself).

Sex is not a need in the way that food, sleep and shelter are. Sexual release may be to some extent, but that's why God invented masturbation.

yes, I know you did, dittany. I just wanted to be sure that my post wasn't seen as doing the same.

I think the issue is really the parent aiding the service, not really the right to sex. I wouldn't take any of my children to do something like that, it's not part of my role as a parent. If my adult child wanted to do it, it's their choice, and I guess it would be up to a carer to assist.

My disabled son wants to marry a meerkat. Should I take him to the zoo to find a wife?!