Need some advice re. internal examination at Drs

[justneedsomehelp]

I have name changed for this post. I know this may not be the correct section as such but I need to talk about this in "gentle" space as it's obviously very personal and upsetting, hope that makes sense. It's quite complicated and I am not sure what to do.
I am due to have an internal examination / smear test and I am having major issues this time around.
Aside from the fact that I really, really don't want to have this done or be touched in this way medically, well ever again really, I am having some truly awful memories of being sexually assaulted as a young Woman by a doctor once who used this procedure to, gain pleasure for himself. I really can't even bear to ttype this it's so revolting.
What I don't understand is why it seems to be coming to the fore now, after I have had examinations before and given birth with no problems. It has always been in a foggy part of my brain I suppose.

My practical problem is obviously I need to get it done and not ignore it, but the Drs letter actually specifies if you want a female to do the procedure you have to let them know. A part of me wants to explain what has happened and why I am so nervous about this, but it doesn't seem like something I should do over the phone to the receptionist. But to make an appt. with my male Dr and tell him this seems over the top and TMI esp if he has to note it down on my records. Is there any Female in a healthcare capacity that could help me?
Has anyone got and advice for me there is absolutely no one I can talk to about this.

Can you check on the practice website if the practice manager is female? If so you could ring and ask her for help. Otherwise you can often leave a message asking the practice nurse or nurse practitioner to ring you (assuming they are female of course)

you won't have to tell them WHY you want a female, just call and say you do - they won't ask you why.. many women feel more comfortable with a female and some can only have a female for religious reasons... if you don't want to discuss this you won't have to, but on the other hand, you could use this opportunity to open up about it to a female doctor and maybe get some advice about addressing it.

I am so sorry this has happened to you,
You know you need this exam so don't explain just book with a female DR, and explain that it stresses you out and could the DR ring you and then ask for a mild sedative if you think that may help, Is there some one you can bring that you trust and makes you feel safe? Ask it may actually be the nurse who does the exam
Is there a local well woman clinic near you that you could go to instead?
Have you had counselling? Would you go it may help if you can afford it go privately with out a GP referal

Sorry to hear you are struggling like this. I asked to see a woman and I didn't explain why - you really shouldn't have to. Then when it came to the appointment just explained that I was extremely nervous of it - which was obvious tbh.

You could additionally phone up and explain you are very nervous and can you see a woman who is good with nervous patients. Your experience may be less usual, but other woman will be very nervous because of their own experiences and you don't have to tell them why if you don't want to.

I actually chose to go to a clinic where the Dr does loads of smears as I thought she would be more technically skilled, and she was. It was way way better than I anticipated.

Noone will bat an eyelid if you ask for a female, and you will not have to explain why, you have every right to ask for a female, and a chaperone should akso be offered. Sorry you had such a horrible experience in the past.

As i understand it you are perfectly entitled to request a female doctor and you do not have to give any reasons why unless you want to.

Good luck and I hope you are able to get some support working through your awful experience.

I'm in a similar position. I told my female doctor. She arranged for the female nurse to call me. We had an initial appointment to chat, re the procedure, getting to know each other kinda stuff. Then smear appointment that I was free to walk away from at any point. We never discussed the detail of why I had an issue. And they were all fine about it.

Hope that info is useful. I detest smears etc too. Detest them. So really feel for you.

Ok that is v helpful so I don't need to say why just that I am v nervous of it

Yes and you won't be the only one. They will have other women patients who are very very nervous of smears.

At our practice the nurse generally performs smears and she is female.

The few times I have asked to check "is it going to be a woman doctor / is the nurse female" they have just said yes.

They are used to women requesting women to perform smears and other intimate examinations, they will not ask why, you will not need to explain yourself.

(And if they do ask why then think about changing docs as that is really not usual).

I am so sorry for what that doctor did. Also it is quite common for reactions to things like that to manifest after years, that is not unusual at all.

I probably muttered something about past experience but noone has asked me detail at all.

The burying it for a while thing, and then it reappearing is common too. If you want to talk about what happened, we're here. And there are some amazingly supportive women here. It's the first place I ever told.

hello there

You only need to state you want a female doctor/nurse to do the procedure, you won't have to explain why (unless you want to, of course)

I am very sorry for your difficulties in this very important area of women's health. Please don't put it off any longer. Could you take a (understanding) friend with you, to wait outside you can have a wibble with her afterwards ?

so

Thank you. I wanted to post here as I lurk a lot and I knew you would be gentle with me. I will just have to get through this hideousness somehow.
I have a friend who just can't do this and has had therapy it's so bad. I just hope I can do it. I really don't want to though.

If you say to the receptionist that you would like a female doctor they will not question you on why, it wont be a problem getting a female doctor.

You don't need to say you're nervous, even - just ask for a female doctor. They won't ask why and it won't be an issue.

If you want to make an appointment beforehand with the practice nurse to talk through your concerns, you can do this as well, you don't have to be ill. Legally now a chaperone is (I think) required, I know at my surgery there are no female doctors and when I last had one, the nurse came in with me.

You can also bring your own chaperone, your mum or sister or a female friend if there is someone you trust enough to talk to. She doesn't have to wait outside if you prefer her to come in with you.

None of us want to. For some of us it's more difficult though, and the dr's surgery (if they are doing their job properly) will be very mindful of that.

If you are not comfortable when you make your request, switch surgery or ring a sexual health clinic and see if they do routine smears in your area. I imagine the clinics that specialise in this area may have a higher proprtion of very nervous clients.

I'm pretty sure that if it's going to be done by a male doctor they have to have a female nurse/assistant in with them, that's certainly been the case whenever I've been for tests etc. But there's no reason at all why you can't ask for a female and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you, disgusting that someone would abuse your trust like that even more so in their position. Something vaguely similar happened to me the first time I had a professional massage. The massuse was clearly 'aroused' and kept leaning his 'bits' on me. I quickly made my excuses and left. This was in a residential crisis centre for mental health problems! I really wish I'd reported it but I started to doubt myself... Anyway that's another story.

There is a theory I am interested in that says you start to recall regressed memories of trauma etc once you're ready to deal with them, do you think this could be the case? Perhaps now is the time to find someone to talk it through with.

I think you're incredibly brave and pro-active even considering continuing to go for smear tests after what you've been through. It's of course the right and sensible thing to do but I think a lot of people wouldn't be able to see it that way.

Hope things turn out OK and you manage to lay this to rest in some way

Once I knew I could back out at anytime, it became easier. I didn't need to back out because I knew I could,

I've requested a female doctor when I've had some unexplained bleeding and needed to be examined - with a routine smear you'd have to be relatively unlucky to get a guy anyway as it's usually done by the practice nurse and the nurse is more likely to be female. But absolutely you can request a female healthcare professional, you can request a chaperone and you can have a large gin and tonic beforehand if you need one. (That isn't exactly medical advice but if it helps, and you're not driving, why not?)

Smears aren't fun but you can do this for the sake of your overall health. And once it's over, you might want to get some support for the horrible thing you've been through. The examinations connected with the birth may not have seemed so bad because they seemed more immediately necessarily? The routine smear feels a bit more optional (although it isn't really) and your brain is less focused on what's needed for the baby's sake.

Thanks everyone I will call and just request a female dr and say I very nervous about this procedure. I won't say because of abuse but at the same time want them
To know its a bit more than just simple nerves iykwim

You could maybe say it's 'for personal reasons' that you're nervous, justneed. Hints at it being more than the standard nerves without you having to say anything at all that makes you uncomfortable.

Routine smears aren't typically done by a doctor, so don't be surprised if the receptionist says it'll be a nurse.

So sorry to hear or your past experience justneed .

I agree with what everyone else has said and I think AliceHurled's point about being able to leave whenever you want to, being really important. If you feel you can explain that to them, it will give you control and security and will also communicate to them how important this issue is for you. It will tell them that it isn't just nerves without having to go into specifics.

I have a friend that I accompanied in a similar situation to yours - she had to leave her first appointment without getting the smear done, but got in done in the second. The staff were really understanding and didn't pressure her at all - they congratulated her on coming at all.

Good luck sweetie. Keep talking here, the support is amazing.

Hi. I agree with Beachcomber, especially re suppport.

I actually work in a gynaecological department in a hospital. No one will question why you want a female. It is very common. I only allow females to examine me and I have never been questioned why.