Erin Pizzey did make excellent points about the family and how perhaps we shouldn't be taking kids into care, and instead we should be taking entire families into care as she observed that the cycle of violence was such that a lot of the women she dealt with had come from families where DV was rife and had never experienced anything different, so had reactions and expectations which were not normal. And in turn any children exposed to that would also end up getting sucked up into the same thing, especially since the care system didn't provide a normal environment too.
Incredibly badly phrased, worded and emphasised at times. And equally misquoted, taken out of context and used by others to further their agendas - often at Pizzey's expense.
With regard to feminism destroying the family, I do think there is an argument to be had here. Not because feminists themselves are responsible but because as expectations and values of women have changed at the same time as allowing for easy divorces, the solution to problems in relationships (and I mean relationships in general rather than DV cases) is to walk away rather than to encourage resolving the problems between couples. I do think that this is highlighted by the sheer number of kneejerk 'leave the bastard' responses you get on MN. I do think we need to, as a society which includes men in the picture, be trying to encourage communication and resolution of conflict (again, I'm not just referring to DV situations here).
Feminism perhaps fails in that respect at times as its aims are purely about women. I don't think its just about 'a minority who want separation' being a problem. Its also about the use of language and the labelling of something being a Women's Issue and in the process, intensionally or unintentionally, disengaging with half of society even in more 'soft' forms of feminist thinking.
Hence why I do feel increasingly like it doesn't hold enough for me and I favour a more egalitarian approach - which includes women's rights (and why I feel I have as much right here as any feminist). Break up of families most definitely should be being treated as a non gender issue imho. Women have the roughest time of it on balance but I think just talking about that isn't good. Things like pointing out that a major trigger for suicide (amongst a number of other issues) in men is family breakdown need to be talked about more.
As does DV against men, if children are in the equation, as even if it isn't serious as if as Pizzey observed, it is creating a 'non-normal childhood environment'. If DV is a cycle then what happens to those children as adults? I do know far too many men who are victims but never would say or do anything about it as its a taboo subject. Insisting DV is a woman's issue and is much more serious against women is just perpetuating the situation if it is cyclic. Which is why I do think it is important to talk about the victim, and why she keeps going back to him, and why that might be 'her fault' rather than her partners - because of the life experiences she might have had previously that have fuck all to do with the person currently beating the shit out of her. The 'her fault' bit, is deeply complex and not really her fault, but it definitely should be being explored and discussed better than simply putting it in terms of black and white. Hence why I do take issue with the whole 'victim blaming' thing. I actually think its a hinderance too. You have to walk a fine line between victim blaming and getting a wider understanding of how to help. In short, it does need to be talked about, and yeah difficult questions need to be asked in that process. (And yeah I appreciate I've probably badly phrased that too, but its a sentiment difficult to express without upsetting and very easy to misquote).
This is why I take issue with the refusal of a lot of people on the FWR boards to talk about Mens rights. Men's and women's rights are tied to each other and can not be separated. Yes there are a bunch of MRA nutters some of whom, frankly should be locked up, but there are issues that feminism needs to address in there too. Just as much as the MR groups have a whole pile of issues that need to be addressed. I personally feel, that both sides of the coin, are doing everyone a massive disservice in the way that they are not learning to communicate better and are actively encouraging "The Enemy' mentality. Its funny, as actually they have a hell of a lot of common ground and thats what they should be focusing on. DV is very often a result of people being unable to communicate by any other means. The irony between the conflict between MRAs and Fems isn't lost on me for that reason.
I think we are increasingly losing the ability as a society to communicate with each other without it becoming a conflict situation as we live apart in various ways. It is the very core of what we should be doing and encouraging. We are all connected.