I didn't know the hate was SO bad

[laurawriter]

Did everybody know about this?
I recently started a website for women (I don't know if I'm allowed to say what it is because of the advertising rules thing - am I allowed to say?) But basically it's a site where women can share very mundane, everyday instances of niggling sexism like being shouted at in the street or called 'babe' in the office etc etc. The idea was simply to give women a safe space to feel catharsis and talk about something that had been sexist and upsetting but which may well have been brushed off elsewhere or which they might not have been able to raise elsewhere because of the old 'overreacting' myth.

It doesn't mention men, isn't even overtly 'feminist' - so I've been completely blown away by the vitriol and hatred I've received for the past 3 days. Overnight, everynight, trolls post around 300 comments to the site (fortunately after the first horrible wave I've now managed to turn on moderation so at least only I can see them but still have to read them all to get to the genuine posts). Many of them are explicit descriptions of sexual assault, physical abuse and domestic violence. Many others use my name and 'pretend' to be me saying horrific things about myself. And several contain very explicit threats towards me, many including rape and some mentioning death.

I just wondered - is this normal? Is this a thing that people know about? I feel so horribly naive because I knew sexism was a problem but I had no idea there was such violent, blind hatred with no real reason or thought behind it just against women and their audacity in daring to speak out for themselves.

Sorry for the long post, I just wondered what people's thoughts were - I'm feeling pretty shaken up and don't know whether I should just be accepting this as 'normal' and par for the course with what I'm doing. I thought I was fine and being so strong the first day but then I woke up in the night terrified people were in my garden. Silly really!

It's really common, sadly :( Loads of bloggers have started speaking out about it - here's one I just found by a casual google search:

On Blogging, Threats and Silence

Yes it really is that bad.

Oh, poor you!! That website is such a good idea and I'm sorry it's been ruined by trolls.

I've had some experience of that kind of hateful comment, from various feminist or even human rights websites where things like FGM are discussed, and I've always been taken aback by the level of hate. I just don't understand it. Surely all these men have mothers, sisters, grandmothers, wives - how did they come to hate women so much?

The feminist 'awakening' is really hard - life was much easier when I was naive to how the world really is.

A Guardian article: Women bloggers call for a stop to hateful trolling

Not just feminist bloggers either, any successful female blogger seems to get targeted. The infamous tech one was Kathy Sierra

Rebecca Watson spoke out about the abuse she gets after elevatorgate The Privilege Delusion

I know this doesn't help much with the horrible content you're receiving, but maybe at least show you're not alone :(

sadly yes it's that bad. the so-called men's rights activists seem to be all about this sort of stuff - as in angry, threatening, hatred towards women, and in particular feminists.

once you've visited a couple of their sites it really sinks in that there ARE men who hate women and dedicate their energies to abusing them on the internet as an outlet for their hate. it's messed up.

how are you doing? is it putting you off or will you continue?

Really sorry but sadly not surprised to hear this. Hope it hasn't knocked you back as a website like that is REALLY important for bearing witness to entrenched misogyny.

It's worth contacting the police though with some of the content you've received.

Oh, gosh, was that your site? I loved it! I haven't seen your hate posts (was very new when I visited) and am so sorry - it must have upset you a lot.

It's bonkers and, ultimately pointless. I suppose the sad fucks just feel a little bit more powerful when they (virtually) spit on a woman.

As it's happened so quickly, I wonder if a shout went out among the - er, troll groups we know so well. You might find the messages all come from a small number of IPs. Not that knowing this makes much difference, if so, but it might be slightly reassuring to find you're not so much being abused by 300 individuals, rather by 15 lunatics.

Copy one of the "spam" IP lists from the interweb and block them all from your site. If you're using a blogging tool, implement the spam blocker.

I want another link now, but wouldn't blame you for not publishing it!

Yes it is normal sadly. Not acceptable but normal.

Men have been using violence, threats of violence and abuse as a means of silencing women for as long as they've held all the power over women. It's been difficult for women to talk about this up until now, because they pick women off individually to terrorise us, but now the internet is showing exactly what women have to put up with.

(I'm speaking about men as a group of course, not men as individuals)

Thank you all SO much for your support! Shamefully made me have a little blub like it does when someone suddenly asks if you're ok and you've been keeping a brave face! RubberDuck, thank you it is really useful to look at other women receiving similar things and makes me feel a teensy bit less personally attacked - plus more angry about it - we shouldn't have to put up with this.

InAnyOtherSoil thank you I wasn't sure - it's www.everydaysexism.com do let me know what you think I'm very open to constructive criticism!

SwallowedAFly I'm ok - so far I'm on the 'I won't bloody let it beat me' kick but I don' t know if I could cope with it really long term - I just wish there was something more concrete I could do to fight back, but I'm scared to become more of a target by trying.

KRITIQ thank you - yes I think I will contact the police because some of it I'm sure must constitute a hate crime - the really explicit personal threats at least must be illegal. On the other hand, I am worried about revenge attacks because there are just so many of them out there.

garlicbutter - if it was www.everydaysexism.com then that's me! I'm so glad you liked it. Will try a spam list thank you so much didn't know those existed - and yes there is a website called 4chan that I've managed to trace some of them back to but that doesn't mean anything to me - surely it must be illegal to have a web page that specifically hosts these awful things?

Nyac you're right - I"m so glad other brave bloggers have spoken up to make me feel less alone - I suppose that's a pointer in the direction of what I ought to do. Food for thought.

Just can't thank you all enough for the support - it's the loveliest feeling to open a message of positivity and understanding in the midst of all the hateful mail! Thank you so much

that's an infamous site i think - i don't recall all the details but it rings a bell that they've been involved with targeting feminist bloggers before i think. someone else will know.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4chan

Just paid a little visit to 4chan's Random and Request message boards. They're full of perverted adolescent sexist crap. I'm unaware of any third-party provision by the site, but it may have shown up in your sources as a referrer. That would happen if people arrived on your site by clicking a link on theirs.

I did think it would be perfect to post on your own site about these attacks, Laura, but you'd need to be in a good, steady mental space to do it. If you've received personal attacks and threats, it is a police matter. The sooner you start registering concern with them, the better the response will (should) be if anything RL scary does happen.

I think online intimidation should be reported as much as possible, especially now the law's getting its act together in this regard. Plus ... I'm violently opposed to the govt's request for a universal surveillance warrant (secure.38degrees.org.uk/page/s/stop-government-snooping#petition) and, the more voluntary reporting there is, the less excuse they'll have to say it's for our own good.

I caught up on your posts earlier, too. Blimey! There are some truly horrifying stories there, as well as the depressing accumulation of 'everyday' abuse.

Good work, missus!

If the state can send idiots to prison for joking about rioting on facebook, they can send men to prison for threatening to rape and murder women. Report, report, report.

Personally I don't see the need for a safe space for pampered white middle class women to moan about petty sexism.
I think it's pointless and self indulgent.

When there is no female circumcision, no forced marriage, no woman forced to cover her face against her will and every girl is free to go to school then perhaps your Web site might have a point.

However, I do agree that you should have the freedom to discus whatever you wish to waste your time on without people being down right offensive or trolling.

what sort of a phrase is "pampered white middle class women". Who do you think is pampering them?

Women of all classes and races suffer from sexism. Why shouldn't women talk about it.

You also didn't mention rape, sexual assault, domestic violence, domestic exploitation which "pampered white middle class" women can have inflicted on them, just like every other woman.

Oh yes, we mustn't call men on their petty sexism, until we've solved their more horrendous violence.

Right.

[buhmm]

The bunny ears add a certain something to that expression.

Sady Doyle, a US blogger, started a twitter hashtag #mencallmethings a while ago to document sexist trolling. She gave a really good breakdown of this phenomenon in response to the usual whine of 'but the internet is mean to everyone.' here

In some ways I think it's a good thing to know exactly how how much so many men hate women. At least it's let us know what we're dealing with.

I must admit my first thought after being raped has always been "Lucky me! My mother could have cut out my clitoris, I'm so glad she didn't!" Then I skipped happily to work, tinkling with silvery laughter at men telling me to cheer up, love, it may never happen and accidentally grabbing my bum on the train.

There's always someone worse off than you, so be happy and suck it up. You're so right, startail, it's all about attitude

So startail are you saying that "white middle class women" never suffer from sexism or harassment? Are never raped, sexually assaulted, or suffer from domestic violence? All because they have "privileged" lives? [buhmm] I beg to differ on that, you've obviously led a very very sheltered life if you think that!

Exactly garlicbutter, startail is right when my DSD was raped at the age of 15 should have just sucked it up and got on with, as of course it's not half as bad as what women in third world countries are going through is it. I mean she was so lucky to go threw that wasn't she.

Wow startail has cured us all of our little petty feminism woes. [bubiscuit]

through not threw [bublush]