I did report but am learning why people don't...

[Silverthorns]

I recently reported a rape that happened to me a few years ago now. It took me a long time to get my head around what happened, to call it what it is, and to actually report it.

The first lot of police I saw were wonderful, but they had to pass my case on to the area where it happened.

Apparently, they have made contact with the rapist but won't be able to interview him for a few weeks due to where he lives/practicalities of getting to him.

Meanwhile, he has 4 weeks warning to get his story straight and destroy any evidence that might have been on his hard drive. And it makes me feel like it's not really that serious and they might get round to having a chat with him at some point. It also makes me feel like they don't believe me.

Thanks - it means a lot as I basically have no real life support really. I'm dreading talking to this copper as I'm just not very well informed on how this sort of thing should work, and I think he's probably pissed off with me for going over his head (as advised!) and I can't imagine what he's going to tell me that justifies telling this bastard weeks in advance. I've been at the point over the weekend where I just want to just sack the whole thing off - it's clear this is going to go no where and it's just stressing me out and taking up my time and energy. I'd quite like to go back to not thinking about any of it.

I am really sorry you have no RL support. You are being give a raw deal. See how the counselling goes before you bin it all off, it would be a shame to stop the process now after you have had to push so hard, and been so brave.

having said that

Any time you feel you cannot go on, you must do what feels best for you. Nobody here would judge you if you felt you couldn't see it through to the end. The process doesn't help victims, that is quite clear.

The thought of just leaving it does my head in, I'll be really, really annoyed as I just don't want the smarmy fucker to get away scot free. I've just started to get the fear having read some other peoples' experiences on here, particularly women who have to live with not just the rape but then getting sued after bringing charges.

(Plus - is it fairly common for friends who know about what happened to just back off and leave you to it?)

I haven't experienced it directly in this instance, silver, but we know it's a common reaction for the people you thought were friends to melt away during any big thing like this, when someone is bereaved, eg.

They don't know how to deal with it, so they do nothing. It's not good, it's not right, but you can't force people to face up to these things if they are not equipped to do so. I expect you are learning some harsh lessons about these so-called friends at the moment

Good luck for your counselling, Silver.

We believe you.

Thank you. She was lovely, but I feel really drained now and have a horrendous headache. I'm not sure if talking about it helps, actually. It did highlight though the fact that I have no support and am carrying all of this alone. If it wasn't for MN I dunno where I'd be, so thank you.

Oh dear. I am glad you liked the cousellor. I am sorry you feel so drained and headachey, have a couple of paracetamol, some sweet tea and put your feet up x

Have you plans for more sessions ? I would imagine (but don't really know) the initial sessions are the hardest.

Well done Silver and I hope your headache got better. We are here for you.

Small wonder you felt drained. Be kind to yourself, we're all rooting for you.

Apparently having counselling before a trial can jeopardise your case. Who knew?

Silverthorns - I'm so sorry about your ordeal and it might not be of much comfort but we believe you.

Also, for what it's worth, you can't delete evidence on a phone or computer unless it's physically destroyed, such as in a fire. Anything on there will always be retrievable, including a record of websites visited and emails sent. If he gets rid of his computer, unless he puts it on a bonfire, evidence will still be there and obtainable by forensic computer examination. If he gets rid of his computer between now and when he's taken for questioning, I'd be very suspicious of the reason why.

I'm rather curious as to why the police are taking so long between you reporting the rape and them acting on the statement you've given. It doesn't take 4 weeks to obtain a warrant. Might be a silly question but have you asked what the delay is?

Hi Silver

How are you feeling today? Thinking of you.

Do you mind telling us who has said that
About counselling affecting your case? Eg was it the police, the counsellor, something you read etc?

Hello,

Just to make a bad week worse my Aunt just died - am devastated. I took the day off yesterday as I just couldn't face work, and I went and sat and read a book that I was given at the counselling session on Monday, it's a guide to the process and the the law from reporting to court. And in there it said that receiving counselling before a trial (particularly if it's group therapy or talking therapy) it can be viewed that you've been "coached" and therefore can affect the jury's opinion of your evidence.

Was a bit gobsmacked to be honest. It seems to get more and more difficult at every turn, seems like the victim gets penalised for everything. I'm probably hugely jumping the gun, as any trial would come down to my word against his, as there is probably no material evidence, but still, it's a learning curve.

I've got quite a few questions for the guy dealing with the case but he's off til tomorrow so it will all have to wait until then.

I am sorry to hear about your aunt, what a tough week for you.

Please try not to worry about how having therapy might affect any jury. I would hope that it's also something that Could been seen as an indicator of how you had been affected.

But regardless of that unknown in the future, if it is helping you to have therapy then I think you should carry on.

Take care of yourself.