Perfect Wife Syndrome

[blobtobetter]

Perfect Wife Syndrome

Sex on demand. Dinner on the table (or in front of the TV, if he prefers). Why, after decades of battling for equality, do some of Britain's most successful women put their man's needs first?

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2058421/Why-Britains-successful-woman-developed-Perfect-Wife-Syndrome.html

"A successful barrister from Manchester, she?s barely had time to eat since breakfast and longs to just collapse in front of the TV with a ready meal.
Instead, the moment she arrives home, she showers, changes into a pretty wrap‑dress and makes sure the wine is chilling and a casserole is bubbling in the oven before her husband James, 40, arrives home from the office.
If he wants sex later, she?ll happily comply. They won?t discuss her day. Instead, Caroline will listen supportively while James recounts the details of what he did at work."

Sounds a lot like Fascinating Womanhood to me!

www.takeninhand.com/in.praise.of.fascinating.womanhood

Taken in Hand AND Fascinating Womanhood!

A framework to justify putting up with the abuse. - It is exactly that, isn't it, Tilly. Every abused spouse tries harder; the whole purpose of abuse is to get the target doing their abuser's work for them - trying ever harder to fit the abuser's template of acceptability.

I agree that FW and The Rules offer guidance on how to fit a generalised template - thus setting the reader up for a life of 'trying harder' to be a fuckable domestic appliance something other than herself.

OMG, Blob, noooooo! :(

I dunno, Original, I used to do a nice boeuf bourginonne after a day earning more than my husband ...

Belly laugh at the thought of calling my husband 'a great big meanie' through a childlike pout during an argument and expecting him to react well.

That was my first thought OriginalPoster - or else she works VERY part-time in which case she will have plenty of time to get dinner ready (if she feels like it).

Also why is her husband getting home so much later than her?

Not once, not ever, have I ever ever ever seen a successful book marketed at men, advising them of how to be the perfect husband.

Not once. Is there one?

I bet there isn't.

a great big meanie

FFS - hands up whose DP/DH would like to be refered to as a big meanie?

how to be a perfect husband its a simple list & it does not take much effort:

5 things to do:
www.ehow.com/how_2057939_be-perfect-husband.html

this one involves doing more but it gives tips to make it easy:
www.menshealth.com/mhlists/tips_for_being_a_perfect_husband/
(and the are boobs on the same page)

best bit: Laugh at Her: Your wife isn't funny? So what? Neither is your dolt of a boss, but you laugh at his lame attempts. Why? Because you're trying to prove you respect him. Bingo!

(i am just off to call dp a big meanie & shall be eyeing him very carefully when he laughs in my presence from now on...)

But is there a whole book about it?

"I realized that what I was doing [by asking him to take out the trash] was having a whole bunch of expectations for him that weren't respectful of his individuality and his right as a man to make his own decisions."

This would be hilarious if she didn't actually think this. WTAF?

Seriously as well, what Tilly said and what synicalsal said earlier on - decent men would be utterly confused and probably run for the hills if you suddenly presented them with a new "fascinated" version of yourself.

Which means that the only kind of husband you'll snag for yourself by doing this kind of thing is a total dick. That's what every woman wants, right?

My husband would run a mile from this shit, thankfully. If I became the 'Perfect Wife' he'd probably take me to the doctor.

Now I come to think of it, my ex-MIL left all decisions to her husband. We struggled to find common ground, because I've always been independent (and was far more independent than her DS) whereas she was happy for her DH to do the 'heavy lifting' where decisions were concerned.

There seems to be a bit of an obsession with the perfect 50's housewife thing. There was the Anthea Turner stuff, all the aprons and retro fashions even the twee bits and cupcakes have been classed as kind of longing for the past and traditional roles.

I almost want to read the book! Looking on Amazon there are quite a few books similar to this one for women and girls. Plenty are American and religious.

Preparing to be a Helpmeet by Debi Pearl, quite a few how to be a lady books and even things like Raising Maidens of Virtue, So Much More and Joyfully at Home. They all seem to be about getting rid of the bits of your character that make you less than this polished 50's ideal but also getting rid of individuality.

The Perfect Wife Syndrome died with Beaver Cleaver and the 1950's. Go to Greece, like the factitious Shirley Valentine, find someone that loves you for who you are, and not for what you have done for him lately, and be happy.

There's nothing wrong with both people being nice to each other of course.

Whey does she get home before her man?

The examples given are very funny - Nancy Del O is single as presumably no one will have her. The property show woman has a second best divorced man with children who will not even marry her - which just goes to show how "successful" their geisha stance is and the Mad Man girl illustrating it has just had a baby out of wedlock without a man around.

Hmm.

Debi Pearl, a woman who advocates child abuse.

Not a particularly trustworthy source of advice about relationships, is she?

Just read this ( I like fundie type blogs)

quietness-and-gentleness.blogspot.com/2011/11/wednesdays-women-of-god-anti-feminists.html

Apparently she used to be a feminist but changed her mind.

blobtobetter, thank you so much for posting that.

I have seen the light.

My life has been suffused with anti-feminist enlightenment. I am now a better woman. Am now going to devote myself to finding a god-fearing christian husband who will hit me when I deserve it and show me with his gentle authority how much better people with penises are than people with vaginas.

Alleluia

Oh all right then, not really.

Exactly - life changing. I now know my place - no more leaving the home for me!!

I am strangely fascinated by that sort of blog and article!

Even Pippa Middleton isn't wife material according to the daily fail.

The blonde woman has a blog that I read sometimes and quite a few videos on youtube ..... she seems VERY into the 1950s wife thing.

Apart from the fact that I wouldn't have been very good at it, I could never have surrendered decision-making to XH, because he was an idiot with a tenuous relationship with Planet Earth. That dangly thing lurking in his trousers was all well and good for a bit of fun or a sneaky piss up a wall if there was no toilet nearby (or even, sometimes, when there was ), but I can't say it made a noticeable difference to his intellect. I thought people kept brain cells in their heads, and last time I checked, I had one of those too.

I wonder what happens to the women who leave everything to their husbands if something then happens to the husband and then they have to provide for themselves and their family.

brr, sounds creepy.

"70% of women admit they get satisfaction from doing the laundry and mopping floors"

Dear sweet jeezus, who are these women???? I don't know any.

sinical I think that xenia's argument that women should refuse to enter traditional women's occupations such as nursing and instead go for the high status jobs is based on the idea that this would pull up the status and pay of those traditional occupations due to the labour scarcity.

In reality employers would simply not stand for it and simply employ cheap labour from abroad.