Wellbeing Thread - who's in?

[AnonWasAWoman]

This is a sort of ?gap in the market? thread really, forgive the rotten title. I was thinking about women and wellbeing and a possible feminist slant on what I feel the beauty industry has colonised.

If I try to find a threads, or a magazine articles, about women?s wellbeing and health I can guarantee half of them will be written in what comes across to me as doublethink: ?you need to feel good about your body, so first you must wage war upon it for a woman?s body is naturally hideously ugly!?. This just makes me sad. So do diluted versions ? the kind of discussions or groups where participants begin with a focus on health, but gradually shift to ?what can you do to look good?, which ? well, just makes me feel ugly if I don?t do those things (And, ah, angry that some people think women should have to!).

It really worries me how, as women, health and beauty are constantly conflated, and there?s an ever-increasing list of treatments that begin as luxurious pampering, then quickly come to be essential ?maintenance? or even basic ?hygiene?. It?s taken that a sign of healthy self-confidence and body confidence is to buy into these ideas about what to do with our time and money and bodies. I?m sure there?s a spectrum of views among feminists as to what we feel is right for us and what?s not, and I don?t want to get into that because I think it?s the least interesting bit of the debate. So I?m not trying to start yet another ?do you wax your fanjo fur? thread ? interesting as they are ?!

I am sure there is a way to resist gendered body care/products without in any way denigrating or ignoring the female body. I bet some of you are brilliant at this and the Resisting Femininity threads were great for showing me the way. But I also want to replace the things I?m resisting, not just get rid of all focus on my body. My mum can as close as can be to this ? everything ?gendered? for women?s bodies, from women?s anti-perspirant, to shaving equipment, to perfume and cosmetics, came under the same heading of ?disgusting things?. In retrospect I find this quite disturbing and not remotely feminist. I am sure I would have been a happier and better-adjusted teenager if I?d not had to sneak off to buy deodorant and nick my dad?s used disposables (I didn?t know any better). If as an adult woman I want to do without any of this stuff, that?s fine ? but I certainly don?t want to feel it?s the only option, or that being a feminist has to mean focusing on the mind and forgetting about the body.

So what I would like to do is to try to hammer out a sense of what you do (if anything) to replace or contrast with what we?re offered by society in terms of caring for your body. So I thought maybe it?d be nice to have a sort of wellbeing thread on here, where we can do all the healthy stuff you hope for on a ?diet? thread (and don?t IME get), and we can do all the ?taking time for myself? stuff that the beauty industry has colonised and distorted, but we can also maybe chat about how to feel better about our bodies, instead of how to make them look better.

So, here?s my list (some, obviously, drawn from a certain S&B thread!). They?re what I?ll hope to do, not what I promise to do!

• I?m going to try to go for a walk at least twice a week, even if it?s just half an hour. And I?m going to take my camera so I don?t end up thinking about work the whole time!
• I?m going to try to eat two different kinds of fruit/veg (I get stuck on apples galore)
• I?ll try to cut my coffee intake
• I?ll try to take 15 minutes before I go to bed to think about something that is not work, or chatting on MN (!), or planning food shopping or whatever
• I?m going to try to make proper breakfast every day
• Go to bed early one night per week
• Ration my (awful) snickers habit! I have eaten three snickers ice-cream bars this morning and it is Not good.
• (You can laugh here) I?m going to do some pelvic floor exercises every week ? I always forget and I imagine I?ll be glad of them later on!

Please add in suggestions if you have them or say if you think I ought to change my mind about any of these.

LRD Yes re buying clothes at Primark! That really resonates with me as my last shopping trips I have bought very little that isn't necessary to a degree even though it was pretty (new bathing suit) or wasn't an accessory (shoes can't make you look fat) so most of my wardrobe is tatty and horrible but my accessories are all fab. It's stupid.

DD(10 months) on the other hand has a fabulous wardrobe (and far too expensive) because it is easy and a pleasure to buy for her. I realise how stupid this is.

Actually I'm really not happy in my body as it is now. I wouldn't want a stranger to see my naked where as I couldn't have given a nuns chuff a year before. My feelings about my body are actually pretty anti feminist and I don't know how to deal with it. Rationally I understand that what is normal part of pregnancy society has made me think isn't normal/unattractive/unsexy but my irrational side just can't make this click.

I've also realised that actually I just need to stop making excuses and DO something about it. So tonight after DD goes to sleep I will do W1D1 of Couch to 10k on the machine :)

May I join? I've never posted in a Feminist thread before so this is a novelty.
Ack - that sounded bad and I don't mean it to! It's just that I usually get frightened off posting on Feminist threads.

I'd like to lose 8 lbs. So once I'm shed of this shitty cold, I'm going to get back to cardio/weightlifting and my yoga practice, at least three, hopefully four times a week. I teach one class per week and that gives me a little bit of bonus exercise (well, two really, but the prenatal yoga class doesn't count as exercise) so I'm going to do something else 3-4 other times a week.

Also going to ditch the sugar/ carb habit.

And I'm going to be kinder to myself when I look in the mirror. My face has gotten thinner and a lot older in the last nearly four years since I've had DS. I had a pretty bad time after he was born, and it's taken its toll. My face reflects that. My eyes look sad even when I'm smiling. I don't know how to fix that. I've considered Botox but haven't taken that step - can't bring myself to, somehow. I feel like I should love my face for what it's been through. Maybe that extends to all of me. But I seem to have trouble with that.

Like Jacksmania, I too have never posted in a Feminist thread before but want to mark my place on this thread as I find it really interesting and thought provoking.

See, you're making me down exercise and all

I was kind of hoping this thread might be appealing to people who usually post elsewhere on the board, because essentially it is just a normal health/emotional health thread, but with a bit of feminism to steer us away from the commercialized guilt-trips.

jacks - I so sorry to hear you had a tough time with your DS. I think I know what you mean about feeling you should love your face but still worrying - in a much more superficial way (because I don't have a good reason like a lovely baby to blame it on!), I feel like that about bits of my body at times - I would love to be one of those women who can shrug and say happily they love their bodies because of all the changes ... but I'm not quite there yet.

FWIW, in a practical sense, I need to cut down on sugar too - I eat too much of it and it's not great for my skin. I'd love to say cutting out coffee has been good for my skin too as it's meant to be, but thus far, no change.

OK ... munching on lemon curd-slathered bread for breakfast probably wasn't quite the best idea for low sugar, was it ....

Double-posting (sorry, I can't break this habit but I am trying, honest).

black - what's 'bright winter' then? My mate had hers done and she does look lovely now - they picked out a gorgeous cobalt blue that makes her look fantastic and she wears it all the time now.

I think this is one of the reasons I'm a bit bored with the whole idea of a 'capsule wardrobe' of 'neutrals' ... I love shades of silvery grey but otherwise, pretty colours, please!

comrade - I do agree with your post but I'm going on a slight tangent ... you find it easy buying for your DD? My niece is just a few months younger and I know her mum is struggling a little to find nice non-pink clothes (she's just got the wrong colouring for pink). I'm cheered up if there are good options - are you in the UK?! They're in Brazil and find a lot of stuff there sort of 'hyper-feminine', which depresses SIL a bit.

Sorry ... hijacking my own thread ....

LRD this is a quite good approach, or this blog is fun. The idea is that actually calling someone just a winter/spring/summer/autumn is a bit too simple, and each season has 3 subcategories. Summer and Winter are cool (at the risk of being simplistic, they are colours with blue backgrounds. So think of purple: you can have blueish purples which will suit people who are 'cool' shades, and you can have quite warm purples like burgundy and plum, which will make 'warm' people look great.)
as for the subcategories, People use different terms for them, but there's the 'soft' autumn which is still pretty summery, the 'true' autumn which hits the central autumn notes, and then the 'dark' autumn which is that end-of-november, leaning-into-winter autumn. There's a diagram here on this site which sort of explains the nuances.

Oddly, I find the colours thing rather freeing. I happen to look good in black and navy but yeah, colours are awesome and I don't feel that wearing bright ones makes me look like I'm repeating my sweaters too much!

Welcome new faces Hope you'll see that we're not hairy, scary, men hating bitches who all believe exactly the same thing with no room for disagreement and post some more on the board :)

LRD I've found some brilliant stuff in Mothercare recently - lots of bright stripes and the like. Boden is good too imo as it is all lovely bright colours especially blues, reds and purples. I've heard other S&Bers talk about cyrillus but haven't really looked. Also this lot but again haven't ordered.

Actually all of DDs 0-6 month stuff was unisex as I'm hoping for another one.

Forgot to say LRD I'm in Beijing (does my nn make a bit more sense now? :o ) but in the UK and Aus often enough to buy clothing there are it is insanely expensive here. a 7 pack of mother care vests is 35 quid here!

blackcurrants, thanks, I shall have a look.

comrade - I did have a vague thought you probably were! I will check out those recommendations - I suspect it's partly SIL being careful of money, but the delight of being an aunt not a mum is I get to splash out.

Oh, I should say I'm in Canada, on the West Coast, so I'm always 8 hours behind you. Which is why I can say "good morning" when it's tea o'clock on MN :)

Thank you for the welcome. After yesterday's little troll-hunting disaster I almost thought it as time for another MN break perhaps a permanent one and the last place I'd have thought I'd find myself posting is the Feminism section - sorry, again, if that sounds bad, but I've read back a bit on this thread now and it feels very comfortable :)

Coffee, anyone - or have you moved on to already? I'm about to have my first cup, then see if I can shower in private (although showering with DS is usually pretty fun) and then I'm going to see about brightening my face. I'm going to look at those links about colours, I often feel like I get it wrong.

Ahh. Well, I am monumentally lazy, so I tend to be about 4 hours behind UK time too, despite living in England!

Colour really does make a difference IMO - it's odd but when I recently cut my hair from long to very short, I suddenly realized some colours made me look really tired because they were too harsh without my hair there as a barrier between that and my face.

No wine here yet, but have a to go with the cookies.

Colours are funny aren't they. I used to wear a lot of black until someone pointed out that it made my skin tone look green. I started asking people and they said it did.

So, just wondering if I have this right - is this thread more about things that we do for ourselves, care and grooming-wise, to make ourselves feel good, rather than just giving in to what "should" be done as per all those crap fashion magazines so that one can look hot for a man?

I'm in the east coast of the US, so our times are all over. I'm having some very nice green tea at 10am, though, and trying to settle down to work.

[slacker]

jacks - yes, that's the idea. Basically, it started because I was realizing how often threads that start out with good health or beauty tips end up with people just making each other feel more nervous, or talking about more and more drastic measures, or laying down the law about what's attractive and what's not.

A while back there were a couple of long-running threads on here with the title 'resisting femininity'. The idea was to try to think about what we do for ourselves because we want to, and what we do just because we sort of feel we have to. Like, for me personally, I was going swimming twice and three times a week for a while, and I was just habitually putting on makeup ... then taking it off to get in the pool ... then putting it on again to go home. And not because I really wanted to, but because I felt I should. It was good to try just not bothering! It's not about never wearing makeup, but it felt good to not feel I had to wear it just then ... and to eexamine why I'd felt I had to in the first place.

So this thread was kind of a continuation of that idea, that we could all maybe share ideas about what is really comforting or healthy to do, and also remind each other not to get too caught up in what the magazines insist we 'have' to do.

jacks the way I see it, 'wellbeing' is about being well. being myself well. being well in myself. . . ooh I could go on all day...

So yeah, makeup as creative art/adornment, not camoflague without which I am not fit to be seen. Clothes to make me feel good not look like someone else's aesthetic. Exercise to celebrate and grow my strength, not torture my body to someone else's aesthetic demands. and so on.

I want to be well. :)

Lovely post blackcurrants. Thanks for putting that across.

I think as well, it's about connecting all sorts of things - emotions and health and comfort and all sorts of things, from the real serious heavy issues to 'mmm, nice cup of tea'. That was the idea anyhow.

Have a nice cuppa everyone
... And some flowers

Nice post blackcurrants

i've just done the oil cleansing thing for the first time. think i went a little heavy handed on the castor oil because it really dried my skin out (weirdly considering it was slathered in oil) and have had to use a moisturiser as it felt dry and was starting to feel itchy and tight. put on a serum that had only plant oils and natural ingredients in it though so hopefully not incompatible. will go much lighter on the castor oil next time.

interesting about colours. oddly it was my last lover who gave me pointers on colour - he convinced me that teal and other certain shades of blue really suited me and i was not wearing enough colour to suit me. i was dubious but then bought a few bits in the colours he recommended and so many people commented on how much it suited me/how well i looked etc. i guess he had an eye for colour.

where did anyone get their colours done?

Hi WIF And thanks for the links regarding colour seasons blackcurrants

I'm very fond of teal and other bluey greys. But I'm confused as I feel some yellows really suit me too - I chose a primrose yellow for my wedding dress some years ago after I'd realised this which was lovely. I rarely wear pink and both black and especially white are disasters. Anyone like to suggest what I could be as I couldn't afford a consultation ! Quite like red as well. Thinking I could perhaps try more colour, variety, and brightness in my "wardrobe"

Much happier choosing clothes for the DC's - sometimes from friends or charity shop - it's so much easier and more rewarding than getting things for me !
I find it quite easy to see what suits them

Thanks for those tips NJC. Having a hunch I could be an autumn I looked at the colour palettes from blackcurrants diagram link and feel very drawn to the "warm autumn" colour palette. It even has my gentle primrose yellow up in the corner ! Looking at some of the warm autumn celebs I could see I kind of had their sort of colouring and skin tone.

Think my daughter is "clear spring" and some of the nicest things I've found for her have been from this quite bright and bold colour palette. She does have lovely bright eyes and wonderful skin too

So, I'll maybe bear this in mind when choosing things for us both !

Loving reading this thread! It really resonates with me, with the way I've been trying to "spring-clean" my life a bit (nothing extreme or major!)
Things I'm trying to do on an ongoing basis:
minimise my caffeine intake - max one caffeinated drink per day. caffeine makes me snarly and snappy, which is neither good for me or my dc!
Drink more water. Drinking more water makes me less stressed.
Now I hope this isn't too controversial, but I need to keep the house tidier - the public bits are always ok (I'm a CM) but my own room is over-cluttered. Clutter makes me stressed.
I'd like to exercise more. I'm trying to work out whether I can incorporate a second (more challenging) dance class into my week.
I've really always wanted to get my colours done. I don't care much what other people think of how I look, although i'd really struggle to go out without eyeliner. However, I hate it when I catch sight of myself in the (mercifully few in our house) mirrors, and this tired, hassled person looks back. Colours which brightened me up could be the answer. Also, I've lost track of what I like and what suits me clothes-wise, and could do with some pointers.
Love the link blackcurrants (and thank you to Helvetica for drawing it to my attention) :)

Girders we had a really interesting thread a while ago about keeping a house tidy. I think the issue I have with keeping house is that it is seen as a woman's job and she is judged on it not her DP or anyone else. So, if you need a tidy house to be happy that's fine but if your DH wants you to keep a tidy house because that's what his DM wants that's a different kettle of fish.

Re this thread I think that it is about mind, body and soul yes? So it would be equally valid to come and say, "I want to healthily lose 10kg for ME" as it would to say, "I want to find an hour each week to read a new book" or whatever... but then it's also about looking at why we want to lose the weight and perhaps learning to focus not on shedding kilos but getting fitter and stronger and why it's important to show our DDs strong and active women as role models instead of passive dainty little flowers.

well, i'm dead chuffed that i already do those 5 necessary doodahs and also that i do ocm when i can be bothered. but i will confess that it isn't proper home grown ocm, i buy the stuff from these people because that way it feels like pampering, it's made right here in town, and it's all natural and eco aware. (they are also the company that did the zombie soap if anyone happened on that link ) i think it's safe to say that particular store takes care of my personal pampering requirements.

i do, however, need to get rid of some weight. i can't fit into any of my clothes and it's dragging me down. i'm also out of the healthy bmi range. i do note the suggestion of buying larger clothes, but i like mine. i just can't get them done up any more... (and dainty flower i ain't. ) i've been losing a few pounds here and there, but not hugely successfully. strong and active i am, but i also can't do up my trousers.

so i'm going to ponder that and have a read.

i'm obsessing over the colour thing now i think i'm the sort that most people would assume is autumn but as i look through i'm really not sure - can't remember which one it was now but one of the summer palettes really looked quite 'me'.

i think my colours are a bit misleading - people always assume i have really dark eyes but i don't in fact, i have long dark lashes and dark eyebrows so they seem dark but are actually quite a light yellow brown most of the time.

i want my colours done! but all i can find locally is some woman doing 'classes' - i don't want classes i want a session where you sit down and they do all the draping and trying things.