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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Wellbeing Thread - who's in?

543 replies

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 13:29

This is a sort of ?gap in the market? thread really, forgive the rotten title. I was thinking about women and wellbeing and a possible feminist slant on what I feel the beauty industry has colonised.

If I try to find a threads, or a magazine articles, about women?s wellbeing and health I can guarantee half of them will be written in what comes across to me as doublethink: ?you need to feel good about your body, so first you must wage war upon it for a woman?s body is naturally hideously ugly!?. This just makes me sad. So do diluted versions ? the kind of discussions or groups where participants begin with a focus on health, but gradually shift to ?what can you do to look good?, which ? well, just makes me feel ugly if I don?t do those things (And, ah, angry that some people think women should have to!).

It really worries me how, as women, health and beauty are constantly conflated, and there?s an ever-increasing list of treatments that begin as luxurious pampering, then quickly come to be essential ?maintenance? or even basic ?hygiene?. It?s taken that a sign of healthy self-confidence and body confidence is to buy into these ideas about what to do with our time and money and bodies. I?m sure there?s a spectrum of views among feminists as to what we feel is right for us and what?s not, and I don?t want to get into that because I think it?s the least interesting bit of the debate. So I?m not trying to start yet another ?do you wax your fanjo fur? thread ? interesting as they are ?!

I am sure there is a way to resist gendered body care/products without in any way denigrating or ignoring the female body. I bet some of you are brilliant at this and the Resisting Femininity threads were great for showing me the way. But I also want to replace the things I?m resisting, not just get rid of all focus on my body. My mum can as close as can be to this ? everything ?gendered? for women?s bodies, from women?s anti-perspirant, to shaving equipment, to perfume and cosmetics, came under the same heading of ?disgusting things?. In retrospect I find this quite disturbing and not remotely feminist. I am sure I would have been a happier and better-adjusted teenager if I?d not had to sneak off to buy deodorant and nick my dad?s used disposables (I didn?t know any better). If as an adult woman I want to do without any of this stuff, that?s fine ? but I certainly don?t want to feel it?s the only option, or that being a feminist has to mean focusing on the mind and forgetting about the body.

So what I would like to do is to try to hammer out a sense of what you do (if anything) to replace or contrast with what we?re offered by society in terms of caring for your body. So I thought maybe it?d be nice to have a sort of wellbeing thread on here, where we can do all the healthy stuff you hope for on a ?diet? thread (and don?t IME get), and we can do all the ?taking time for myself? stuff that the beauty industry has colonised and distorted, but we can also maybe chat about how to feel better about our bodies, instead of how to make them look better.

So, here?s my list (some, obviously, drawn from a certain S&B thread!). They?re what I?ll hope to do, not what I promise to do! Grin

  • I?m going to try to go for a walk at least twice a week, even if it?s just half an hour. And I?m going to take my camera so I don?t end up thinking about work the whole time!
  • I?m going to try to eat two different kinds of fruit/veg (I get stuck on apples galore)
  • I?ll try to cut my coffee intake
  • I?ll try to take 15 minutes before I go to bed to think about something that is not work, or chatting on MN (!), or planning food shopping or whatever
  • I?m going to try to make proper breakfast every day
  • Go to bed early one night per week
  • Ration my (awful) snickers habit! I have eaten three snickers ice-cream bars this morning and it is Not good.
  • (You can laugh here) I?m going to do some pelvic floor exercises every week ? I always forget and I imagine I?ll be glad of them later on!

Please add in suggestions if you have them or say if you think I ought to change my mind about any of these.

OP posts:
Onemorning · 01/11/2011 14:51

I am going to start going to the gym again because it makes me feel healthy and powerful.

I am going to get at least a 2.1 in my OU degree.

I am going to try to eat a low GI diet because it helps me feel better physically.

I will try and get help for my eating disorder.

I will not be pressured into IVF - we're undergoing tests for infertility and I'm already sick to death of invasive tests, but feel that the assumption among medical professionals is that we're going to do whatever it takes to have a baby.

LucyStone · 01/11/2011 15:30

Count me in.

Just started DS in nursery; using the free time to relax a bit, take a few long walks, maybe even volunteer.

I'm also planning on taking up a martial art of some sort; possibly tae kwondo.

And I start counselling for various issues next week.

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 15:35

Oooh ... elderberry, I too shall think about quilts! I think you may be one of the lovely people who gave me tips on how to make one - if so, it is steaming ahead and you are so right, it is wonderfully calming and soothing. Great idea!

tenderly - I know exactly what you mean about the agonizing. There's this 'am I fat enough to justify that I need to lose it as a feminist' thing versus 'hmm, but as a shallow handmaiden-of-the-patriarchy type, I wanna be slimmer' battle in my head. Bad me!

I think I fancy the idea of starting the day with a non-coffee drink. I suspect I get hooked on it to wake me up and it's bad. Tea tomorrow (I'll go gently with the caffeine withdrawal I think! Grin)

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AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 15:39

Whoops, posted without seeing there was a p.2. Grin

marion - ah, that makes sense, my mate always talks about it being great fun. Not for me, though, I think (anti-social grump here).

one - that is some list. You sound amazing! I will be interested to see how much of this thread ends up being about reproductive health/issues, as it always strikes me as an area where the medical profession isn't very good to women (understatement).

lucy - another martial arts person! I feel very lazy now with my walking ... maybe I should try to swim once a fortnight (once a week? No, I'd never do it ...).

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TenderlyLovinglyByAGoat · 01/11/2011 15:46

I don't think it's bad or shallow to want to be slimmer, it's the world we live in isn't it, I do think it's unhelpful when theoretically well within a healthy range though. It's a bit complicated. Does anyone have any ideas?

wem · 01/11/2011 15:52

Lucy - I did taekwondo. I loved it and really hope I get back to it at some point. The class I went to had a strong focus on the moral code behind it, which seemed so cheesy at first, 'indomitable spirit' and 'champion of freedom and justice' etc, but I think it gave me a huge boost in self esteem and confidence.

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 16:02

It is complicated, I agree.

I think for me, being slim is problematic, but being slim itself isn't automatically problematic. I used to be really too thin (mild eating disorder) and don't have a terribly healthy relationship with food. So for me agonizing about being slim is, I know, a warning sign that I need to get my no-nonsense feminist head on. For another person, it might simply and unproblematically be that they feel slim at a healthy weight and like to stay there.

I think the issue I notice most is that it's so hard to work out what is a healthy size to be. Most women I was at school/university with would say they want to be a healthy weight, but they actually mean they want to be at the low end of that. We just need to see more women in magazines and so on who are not so thin. I think it is pretty much that simple.

OP posts:
AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 16:03

(Meh - I obviously can't make up my own mind in one post whether it's simple or complicated! Confused)

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TenderlyLovinglyByAGoat · 01/11/2011 16:09

I feel caught between the two extremes - don't buy or read 'those' magazines but obviously that doesn't limit my exposure to airbrushed ideals much, but on other hand everyone is generally getting fatter, clothes ARE getting bigger and the feminist view (useful and rooted in truth as it is) is a bit unhelpfully distorted itself. Women had anorexia long long long before thin was in, think of the mystics, so I don't like to get hung up on, or give impression that am unduly influenced by, the media.

I suppose it's the One Thing that makes me unhappy at the moment and I wish I could set some helpful rules for myself.

LucyStone · 01/11/2011 16:11

Haha, ahh, my DBil teaches martial arts, and I've been considering lessons for a while now, so might as well. :)

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 16:14

Yes, that's certainly true that we're getting fatter. I don't know enough about anorexia to know, though, but I do know that being thin was 'in' for the mystics (if we're thinking the same sort of period - those women in the C14th/15th?). It wasn't the only ideal body shape, but it was the ideal body shape to demonstrate your devoutness. It's IMO another skewed idea about women's bodies and what a patriarchial culture thinks they should be.

But you're right, it's all so tangled up, the social pressure, and long-held ideas about food and beauty, and that idea of grabbing some semblance of control by controlling what you eat.

You've reminded me I shouldn't be buying those magazines though. I stopped for a while and then I slipped ...

OP posts:
Onemorning · 01/11/2011 16:37

I am a binge eater, and 4 stone over my fighting weight. I get stick for being fat (and greedy, and lazy, and addicted to pies, and ugly, and all the usual shit - most of it from me) and help is hard to find. I've had some psychotherapy which was a start, and I'm going to try CBT to learn how to better manage my emotional issues.

Thanks for saying I sound amazing, BTW. I struggle with low self esteem (hence the ED).

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 16:50

Anyone who can juggle an OU degree, sorting out an ED, and fertility struggles, is definitely amazing in my book. Smile

I binge a bit too (the snickers in my OP!), though with me it's partly substitutes because I'm a recovering alkie and consequently end up going for 'treats' to reward myself for not drinking. Since it's been nearly nine months now, I should have kicked the 'treats' too really! Maybe we can muddle along together?

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Onemorning · 01/11/2011 16:54

Sounds like a plan :)

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 16:56
Smile
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DeliriousTante · 01/11/2011 17:03

I'm in

MsWeatherwax · 01/11/2011 18:27

I really want to do some exercise. I used to not get tired and out of breath and I hate that I don't like going up hills any more. I'd like to do a martial art again because I love doing that. Also I want to eat more veg - I love the taste, but can't always be bothered. I eat too much of things that make me feel bloated and in pain like loads of cheese and bread instead of a balanced meal.

MsWeatherwax · 01/11/2011 18:29

I used to want to be thinner like I used to be. Then I bought lots of new clothes that actually fit so want to stay this size now! Can definitely recommend this strategy.

NotJustClassic · 01/11/2011 19:11

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EleanorRathbone · 01/11/2011 19:16

I'm in.

Will get back into running (I completely agree with everything Chibi says about it, I feel fab when I do it) and try to go to bed at a sensible time (no more staying up on MN arguing with misogynists).

Viz pelvic floor exercises, there is a reason they are rubbish which i read about somewhere and now can't remember where - basically this article said you should do squats instead:

here you are

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 19:46

Oooh, thanks Eleanor. If anyone does know why they're rubbish I would like to know.

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NotJustClassic · 01/11/2011 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SardineQueen · 01/11/2011 19:59

This sounds good, I haven't time to read all now but marking place to do so tomorrow Smile

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 20:00

What is the 30 day shred? I imagine my natural and extreme laziness may be a bar to it, but I have been wondering having seen references to it.

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NotJustClassic · 01/11/2011 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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