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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Wellbeing Thread - who's in?

543 replies

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 13:29

This is a sort of ?gap in the market? thread really, forgive the rotten title. I was thinking about women and wellbeing and a possible feminist slant on what I feel the beauty industry has colonised.

If I try to find a threads, or a magazine articles, about women?s wellbeing and health I can guarantee half of them will be written in what comes across to me as doublethink: ?you need to feel good about your body, so first you must wage war upon it for a woman?s body is naturally hideously ugly!?. This just makes me sad. So do diluted versions ? the kind of discussions or groups where participants begin with a focus on health, but gradually shift to ?what can you do to look good?, which ? well, just makes me feel ugly if I don?t do those things (And, ah, angry that some people think women should have to!).

It really worries me how, as women, health and beauty are constantly conflated, and there?s an ever-increasing list of treatments that begin as luxurious pampering, then quickly come to be essential ?maintenance? or even basic ?hygiene?. It?s taken that a sign of healthy self-confidence and body confidence is to buy into these ideas about what to do with our time and money and bodies. I?m sure there?s a spectrum of views among feminists as to what we feel is right for us and what?s not, and I don?t want to get into that because I think it?s the least interesting bit of the debate. So I?m not trying to start yet another ?do you wax your fanjo fur? thread ? interesting as they are ?!

I am sure there is a way to resist gendered body care/products without in any way denigrating or ignoring the female body. I bet some of you are brilliant at this and the Resisting Femininity threads were great for showing me the way. But I also want to replace the things I?m resisting, not just get rid of all focus on my body. My mum can as close as can be to this ? everything ?gendered? for women?s bodies, from women?s anti-perspirant, to shaving equipment, to perfume and cosmetics, came under the same heading of ?disgusting things?. In retrospect I find this quite disturbing and not remotely feminist. I am sure I would have been a happier and better-adjusted teenager if I?d not had to sneak off to buy deodorant and nick my dad?s used disposables (I didn?t know any better). If as an adult woman I want to do without any of this stuff, that?s fine ? but I certainly don?t want to feel it?s the only option, or that being a feminist has to mean focusing on the mind and forgetting about the body.

So what I would like to do is to try to hammer out a sense of what you do (if anything) to replace or contrast with what we?re offered by society in terms of caring for your body. So I thought maybe it?d be nice to have a sort of wellbeing thread on here, where we can do all the healthy stuff you hope for on a ?diet? thread (and don?t IME get), and we can do all the ?taking time for myself? stuff that the beauty industry has colonised and distorted, but we can also maybe chat about how to feel better about our bodies, instead of how to make them look better.

So, here?s my list (some, obviously, drawn from a certain S&B thread!). They?re what I?ll hope to do, not what I promise to do! Grin

  • I?m going to try to go for a walk at least twice a week, even if it?s just half an hour. And I?m going to take my camera so I don?t end up thinking about work the whole time!
  • I?m going to try to eat two different kinds of fruit/veg (I get stuck on apples galore)
  • I?ll try to cut my coffee intake
  • I?ll try to take 15 minutes before I go to bed to think about something that is not work, or chatting on MN (!), or planning food shopping or whatever
  • I?m going to try to make proper breakfast every day
  • Go to bed early one night per week
  • Ration my (awful) snickers habit! I have eaten three snickers ice-cream bars this morning and it is Not good.
  • (You can laugh here) I?m going to do some pelvic floor exercises every week ? I always forget and I imagine I?ll be glad of them later on!

Please add in suggestions if you have them or say if you think I ought to change my mind about any of these.

OP posts:
WallowedInFlies · 09/11/2011 07:57

i want to try the oil based cleansing too - went to the chemist yesterday and they don't sell castor oil - most annoyed.

WallowedInFlies · 09/11/2011 08:05

have just ordered some online. it really appeals to me. i've never gotten on with using soaps and things. i like the idea that this oil cleansing is a bit of a ritual that requires you to spend some time on yourself with a hot cloth on your face etc.

ComradeJing · 09/11/2011 08:30

Can I be an OCM (oil cleansing method) bore for a minute? I'm rather evangelical about it because my skin went from ok to hands down amazing. As in strangers asking what I use on my face amazing. It took about 6 weeks and I went through a few weeks of terrible, terrible spots plus odd dry patches on my cheeks which you just have to wait out. You also may need to play around with the proportions of castor oil to other oil and which other oil you use. My skin is combination (oily t-zone, dryish cheeks, blackheads - pretty eh?) and I use approx 70% organic jojoba oil to 30% castor oil. Jojoba oil is supposed to be closest to your natural skin oils. Some oils block your pores and but all are best off organic as they aren't heat treated which removes some of the properties.

It says on the website to only do OCM a few times a week but I do it every night and just use warm water in the morning. The flannel/muslin cloth you use to clean your face must be clean every day and the water needs to be warm to hot or you won't remove all of the oil. You may or may not need a moisturiser afterwards but use anything that suits you or use a drop of your other oil or rose hip oil which is brilliant for older and dry skin.

:o I could almost copy and paste this. I've written SO many times on the S&B threads about this as almost weekly someone pops up and says, "So, OCM, tell me about it." :o

ComradeJing · 09/11/2011 08:36

Sorry I mean that as in someone asks the S&B board. Not like "Comrade, come enlighten us with your wisdom." Hmm

SinicalSal · 09/11/2011 08:40

You could call it consciousness raising, Comrade Grin

WallowedInFlies · 09/11/2011 09:34

i have quite dry skin so i'm going to start with 10% caster oil and see how that goes. the page linked said use a vegetable oil but do you think i could sweet almond oil comradejing?

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 09/11/2011 10:31

ComradeJing - Thanks for the tip about making green tea - and not using boiling water. I had a lovely cup late last night when I didn't want the caffeine of ordinary, and it was great with no bitterness. I love the things you pick up on MN !

LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/11/2011 11:06

Thank you comrade (I always feel I should salute when I type that).

I've occasionally read on S&B about oil cleansing but haven't given it a go before ... off to order some oils if I can.

ComradeJing · 09/11/2011 13:00

Yes Wallowed any oil is fine but some are comosomethingorother (pore clogging) like Bio oil is supposed to be. Sweet Almond oil, Avocado oil, olive oil, jojoba oil, coconut oil (the one that is solid at room temp) are all brilliant and work for different skin types. Amazon has lots of oils as does <a class="break-all" href="http://www.akamuti.co.uk/index.php?cat1=tree-and-nut-oils&rewrite=1&sort=2a&limit=60www.akamuti.co.uk/index.php?cat1=tree-and-nut-oils&rewrite=1&sort=2a&limit=60" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Akamuti which is where I bought mine from. The Akamuti ones are cold pressed too - I'm just a satisfied customer though I'd happily be on commission :o There are also descriptions of the oils and which skin they are best for on that site too.

No worries Juggling :) Water dispensers here always have a hot and cold tap and the hot tap is always set to a temp perfect for green tea.

:o

blackcurrants · 09/11/2011 13:27

my friend gave me some really posh loose tea - earl grey with orangeflower and vanilla - and I have just had a big cup of it. It was delicious, and I feel enormously refreshed and also (because it was a present from a close friend) rather loved.

This is wellbeing, right?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/11/2011 13:32

That sounds delicious.

And completely 'wellbeing'. My lovely friends sent DH and me a hamper with tea and shortbread biscuits for our first wedding anniversary and I know exactly what you mean about feeling loved.

Earl Grey with cornflower is really nice too - cornflower is meant to be good for sore throats and for your eyes (no idea if it's true, but it tastes good). I've never had it with vanilla but I sometimes make chai with earl grey tea and milk frothed with vanilla and spices, and that is good.

TheRealTillyMinto · 09/11/2011 16:50

Todays sticking my middle finger up to the patriarchy was going to a meeting with a prospective client wearing no mascara. Don't generally wear make up and when I do, just a bit but I find it odd prettifying before enticing a company to do business with me.

The experiment was a success. My eyes aren't sore like usual & it felt good to recognise trying to be attractive was not relevant.

The mascara police did not arrest me and i cannot remember if anyone else was wearing makeup. Wondering why i bothered before....

WallowedInFlies · 09/11/2011 18:38

wellbeing for today:

forced myself to walk the dog through the fields first thing despite the mud and drizzle.

committed to going to zumba tomorrow even though i. really. won't. want. to. in the morning - i'm going to get everything ready so i have no excuse like accidentally Hmm not having time or not being able to find any clean exercise clothes etc.

made myself a light lovely miso based soup with rice noodles, bean curd and shallots.

am about to do stuff with linseeds to make an anxiety remedy so i can drink cups of that rather than be tempted to reach for an alcoholic drink - feeling a bit edgy and stuff of late.

EleanorRathbone · 09/11/2011 18:43

Well I've skived off a lecture I was going to go to this evening as part of my wellbeing...

WallowedInFlies · 09/11/2011 18:44

may have to restore the balance by scoffing hagen daas pralines and cream ice cream later though - it was on special offer Grin it's all about balance no?

WallowedInFlies · 09/11/2011 18:44

too late to go eleanor?

WallowedInFlies · 09/11/2011 18:46

if it was a lecture you were after how about looking on TED for a good one to watch?

or doing something nice for yourself like a nice soak in the bath or something?

EleanorRathbone · 09/11/2011 18:48

Yes might do that
Will get off t'internet and go and read soon as well

LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/11/2011 20:26

'the mascara police did not arrest me' - Grin

For me the thing I really struggle to do is going out without plucking my brows. I can go out with no makeup or with unshaved legs but I feel strange with unplucked brows.

I obviously need to work on this!

WiF - hope you're ok and feeling less edgy now.

Pralines and cream is so good - M&S maple pecan is similar and even better, IMO.

Ahem.

I was meant to be admiring the zen-like healthful soup, right? Grin
That sounds tasty too.

But not as tasty

HelveticaTheBold · 09/11/2011 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/11/2011 22:31

Good for your DD Helvetica. Smile

LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/11/2011 23:20

This may count as retro and therefore belong on the other thread about vintage clothes. Blush

However.

I can highly recommend as having a positive effect on wellbeing, that you look at your knicker drawer, and throw away all those formerly white, now gray, pairs of pants and all especially all those that you think may have outlasted your current, and perhaps several previous relationships.

It is deeply theraputic, especially if, like me, you realize what a lot of tat you have been wearing when you could have been wearing the nice, pretty, non-bobbly pants you actually like. And especially if, like me, it leads you to realize you will never again fit into or attempt to wear a bra made of two scratchy lace triangles roughly the size of doritos.

I was feeling really quite cheered up by how much baggage by way of relationship reminders/body issues I was binning. Until I checked the label in a pair of pants and saw it read 'M&S Age 11-12'. Blush Blush

Learn from my shame, please, and chuck yer minging pants before they're museum-worthy.

HelveticaTheBold · 09/11/2011 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/11/2011 23:47

That makes me feel better.

I think there's an aspect of nice clothes that is just about how nice the feel, and how that colour or that shape makes you happy, which can be totally separate from fashion or being attractive to anyone else. Since the only person other than me who sees my knickers is my DH they're not exactly fashion statements, but I did realize it probably would be quite good for low-level happiness to start afresh with stuff that's all, ooh, made within this millenium?

I started thinking about it with that thread a few days ago about a woman saying she ends up buying Primark because her DH has to look good for work, and realizing I don't want to get into that frame of mind ever .... or let DH get into it either!

blackcurrants · 10/11/2011 01:08

I think that's a very good point, LRD. One of the 'wellbeing' things I've done for myself, post DS, is 'get my colours done' (Bright Winter, if you're interested.)
I knew I was about to buy a new 'work/smart' wardrobe, (as I live in jeans and tshirts and fleeces when working from home)- and now everything I have bought to 'look smart' in flatters my shape and colouring. It's not like I've gone out and spent more than I would have done anyway, but everything I wear to work suits me and flatters me. And I like wearing it.

Now slowly upgrading the at home clothes - not by much, but in terms of chosing colours it's been a real eye opener. Now all my tops are colours that make my eyes sparkle and my skin seem clear (key on days when I don't wear any makeup at all, at home) and while they weren't expensive, they feel gorgeous to look at, lined up in my drawers, and I feel good when I catch sight of myself. And I have always enjoyed colour, so thinking a bit more about which ones I wear is pleasant and doesn't feel like a chore, the way that 'fashion' feels like a chore to me, and so I've opted out of it...

I am going to hit post before I re-read and decide this doesn't make any sense!