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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Wellbeing Thread - who's in?

543 replies

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 13:29

This is a sort of ?gap in the market? thread really, forgive the rotten title. I was thinking about women and wellbeing and a possible feminist slant on what I feel the beauty industry has colonised.

If I try to find a threads, or a magazine articles, about women?s wellbeing and health I can guarantee half of them will be written in what comes across to me as doublethink: ?you need to feel good about your body, so first you must wage war upon it for a woman?s body is naturally hideously ugly!?. This just makes me sad. So do diluted versions ? the kind of discussions or groups where participants begin with a focus on health, but gradually shift to ?what can you do to look good?, which ? well, just makes me feel ugly if I don?t do those things (And, ah, angry that some people think women should have to!).

It really worries me how, as women, health and beauty are constantly conflated, and there?s an ever-increasing list of treatments that begin as luxurious pampering, then quickly come to be essential ?maintenance? or even basic ?hygiene?. It?s taken that a sign of healthy self-confidence and body confidence is to buy into these ideas about what to do with our time and money and bodies. I?m sure there?s a spectrum of views among feminists as to what we feel is right for us and what?s not, and I don?t want to get into that because I think it?s the least interesting bit of the debate. So I?m not trying to start yet another ?do you wax your fanjo fur? thread ? interesting as they are ?!

I am sure there is a way to resist gendered body care/products without in any way denigrating or ignoring the female body. I bet some of you are brilliant at this and the Resisting Femininity threads were great for showing me the way. But I also want to replace the things I?m resisting, not just get rid of all focus on my body. My mum can as close as can be to this ? everything ?gendered? for women?s bodies, from women?s anti-perspirant, to shaving equipment, to perfume and cosmetics, came under the same heading of ?disgusting things?. In retrospect I find this quite disturbing and not remotely feminist. I am sure I would have been a happier and better-adjusted teenager if I?d not had to sneak off to buy deodorant and nick my dad?s used disposables (I didn?t know any better). If as an adult woman I want to do without any of this stuff, that?s fine ? but I certainly don?t want to feel it?s the only option, or that being a feminist has to mean focusing on the mind and forgetting about the body.

So what I would like to do is to try to hammer out a sense of what you do (if anything) to replace or contrast with what we?re offered by society in terms of caring for your body. So I thought maybe it?d be nice to have a sort of wellbeing thread on here, where we can do all the healthy stuff you hope for on a ?diet? thread (and don?t IME get), and we can do all the ?taking time for myself? stuff that the beauty industry has colonised and distorted, but we can also maybe chat about how to feel better about our bodies, instead of how to make them look better.

So, here?s my list (some, obviously, drawn from a certain S&B thread!). They?re what I?ll hope to do, not what I promise to do! Grin

  • I?m going to try to go for a walk at least twice a week, even if it?s just half an hour. And I?m going to take my camera so I don?t end up thinking about work the whole time!
  • I?m going to try to eat two different kinds of fruit/veg (I get stuck on apples galore)
  • I?ll try to cut my coffee intake
  • I?ll try to take 15 minutes before I go to bed to think about something that is not work, or chatting on MN (!), or planning food shopping or whatever
  • I?m going to try to make proper breakfast every day
  • Go to bed early one night per week
  • Ration my (awful) snickers habit! I have eaten three snickers ice-cream bars this morning and it is Not good.
  • (You can laugh here) I?m going to do some pelvic floor exercises every week ? I always forget and I imagine I?ll be glad of them later on!

Please add in suggestions if you have them or say if you think I ought to change my mind about any of these.

OP posts:
JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 05/11/2011 13:06

My friend does lovely massage for well-being at her home. I went to her with a friend of mine as she offered to teach us both over a few weeks several years ago. Might think about going back to her just so she could give me a massage - she uses nice oils too. Perhaps I could ask one of my family to give that to me for a Christmas present !

Onemorning · 05/11/2011 13:22

That sounds lovely, juggling.

I'm going to stop drinking. It's become a bit of a habit, and I'm feeling rough as wotsits today. My body doesn't need the poison, and my mind can do without any depressants.

WallowedInFlies · 05/11/2011 13:29

thought of another one.

treating your senses. advertising of crappy chemical products hones in on this with all the hype about the smell of your conditioner/soap/shampoo etc aromatherapy talk and really sensual imagery etc.

they do it because it is nice to treat your senses and does make you feel better.

incense and essential oils and such make my life happier - i can make myself feel a bit better simply by burning a nice smelling incense that soothes me. it's another 'treat' i think. so feeling a bit rough today i have put on the heating so it's cosey, put on a disney film for ds and lit some sandalwood incense and am sat knitting appreciating the smell.

sorry if this is random.

WallowedInFlies · 05/11/2011 13:31

oh and if you have a very basic moisturiser with nothing artificial in it you can add essential oils for the smell you want and massage your own hands and feet and enjoy the smell. you can also just use almond oil and add the scented ones to that.

massaging your own feet is actually quite nice.

SinicalSal · 05/11/2011 13:45

What type of plain moisturiser to you use, WIF, i can't think of any without some kind of fiddling done to them?

WallowedInFlies · 05/11/2011 14:00

i dunno. does bodyshop exist anymore? they used to have a very plain body lotion that you could add stuff to. baby lotion stinks - i think simple is pretty basic.

WallowedInFlies · 05/11/2011 14:03

baby lotion is a great cheap cleanser/make up remover btw. i'm sure everyone knows that. i have quite sensitive skin so have to be careful what i use. i mostly just wash with water or if i've had make up on baby wipes that don't have anything nasty in them.

HelveticaTheBold · 05/11/2011 14:05

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HelveticaTheBold · 05/11/2011 14:07

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LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/11/2011 14:12

WiF - totally agree with you about smells. I think smell and touch are really important. Nothing is better than a head massage with something lovely-smelling. I grow rosemary and lavender and lemon verbena, and all of those smell amazing dropped into boiling water.

Lemon verbena tea is fantastic btw - it makes you very sleepy and relaxed (unless, erm, you think it tastes of soap).

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/11/2011 14:14

Oh, yes, and helvetica that autumn smell is amazing.

I've been walking out by the river and there's a great smell from all the piles of leaves and the woodsmoke from the canal boats. Mmmm ....

WallowedInFlies · 05/11/2011 14:20

ooh will have to try lemon verbena tea - i like things that make me sleepy. i also like sprinkling lavender oil on my pillow when i'm stressed/can't sleep.

love jasmine and also patchouli.

i think making your environment nice around you, the colours you want to see and the things that you love (rather than what's fashionable or tasteful in home furnishing world), having nice smells and sounds etc. appealing to our senses is nice.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/11/2011 14:33

Yes, I agree WiF. I think this is why the whole 'oh, don't be so neurotic, let your DH be messy' argument always irritates me so much on the Wifework threads. I want a nice home!

SinicalSal · 05/11/2011 14:53

LRD I remember that thread where you explained that. It put into words exactly what I think. Smile
WIf, yes Simple is probably the best, thanks.

I remember one year Santa brought me a perfume making set. Bliss!

Haven't done much on my self improvement list tbh.... I think I should scrap that list and make a new one -
Snatch Sleep When You Can
(Constantly bf'ing 6 week old and active toddler - which is lovely but exhausting Grin)

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/11/2011 15:04
Grin

Snatch sleep sounds good!

It's lovely hearing about how you're doing with your baby btw. Smile Take lots of pictures!

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 05/11/2011 15:07

Perhaps I'll start re-using one of our oil burners. I love beautiful smells !
I just found a lovely mandarin and something shower gel which woke me up this morning - in a much better mood than last night after DH had thoroughly pissed me off

WallowedInFlies · 05/11/2011 15:30

thinking about it i reckon a lot of this stuff exploits our need to be comforted but there are far better ways to self comfort than all this overpriced shite than is marketed to us.

ooh here's another (mine are all really mundane i'm afraid) - hot water bottles. even without stomach cramps there's something very comforting when feeling a bit bleurgh or just like you need to feel cosey-fied in a nice hot water bottle and a big fluffy blanket that is nice and tactile.

i think a lot of emotional problems are due to not being good at self comforting too or at overly relying on things that are bad for us as our comforters (overeating, overdrinking etc).

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/11/2011 15:37

Absolutely.

I think a lot of emotional stuff is also because we don't really feel we deserve to take enough time for ourselves. It has to be time focussed on something 'useful' - like beautifying ourselves. I slightly shy away from the term 'improving' for that reason, actually. I mean, I agree it is really lovely and important to get good at sport or learn a language, but I catch myself struggling to see them as ends in themselves, and end up fretting about whether I'm using my time efficiently.

It is another part of this idea that women fritter away time and money and really need to watch themselves. That sort of guilt rhetoric makes its way into a lot of advertising even of things that are meant to be indulgent ('guilty pleasures', that boak-making wink the L'Oreal advert has - it's not a conspiracy to buy shampoo ffs).

I really think we're encouraged to settle for expensive crap.

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 05/11/2011 15:39

There's often a cheaper and just as good alternative with smellies though.

A squeeze of bubble bath or a few drops of essential oil in a burner needn't cost the Earth.

Like the hot water bottle and cuddly eiderdown idea WIF
We all like snuggling up on the sofa together on these autumn evenings Smile

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/11/2011 15:43

Yes, that is very true. I like actually finding the cheap alternatives. I'm just a very easily influenced by glossy magazines telling me what I really need is the blissful spa experience, etc. etc. My problem I know!

Something else that is lovely is lavender gel that boots botanicals do, which you can put in the fridge.

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 05/11/2011 15:50

Yeh LRD, You don't necessarily want to go as cheap as my DH with his "basics" bath gel. But I suppose if he's happy with it. Personally I'm happier with a few more pennies and a choice of flavour/perfume. Smile

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/11/2011 16:34

Oh lord, that reminds me of my dad .. he washes his hair in fairy liquid. At 60 he has a full and thick head of hair and is thus convinced it works.

Confused
ConstantCraving · 05/11/2011 21:19

Oooh - I thought my mum was the only one who did that.. she uses ecover washing up liquid though Grin

ConstantCraving · 05/11/2011 21:20

LRD - yes!! Reclaim the Night is definitly good excercise!!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/11/2011 23:43

I shall immediately inform my dad that he's missed a trick with the non-ecofriendly washing-up liquid! He will be shocked he didn't catch on to that trend ...

Seriously, isn't it terrifying there's more than one person who does that?!