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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Wellbeing Thread - who's in?

543 replies

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 13:29

This is a sort of ?gap in the market? thread really, forgive the rotten title. I was thinking about women and wellbeing and a possible feminist slant on what I feel the beauty industry has colonised.

If I try to find a threads, or a magazine articles, about women?s wellbeing and health I can guarantee half of them will be written in what comes across to me as doublethink: ?you need to feel good about your body, so first you must wage war upon it for a woman?s body is naturally hideously ugly!?. This just makes me sad. So do diluted versions ? the kind of discussions or groups where participants begin with a focus on health, but gradually shift to ?what can you do to look good?, which ? well, just makes me feel ugly if I don?t do those things (And, ah, angry that some people think women should have to!).

It really worries me how, as women, health and beauty are constantly conflated, and there?s an ever-increasing list of treatments that begin as luxurious pampering, then quickly come to be essential ?maintenance? or even basic ?hygiene?. It?s taken that a sign of healthy self-confidence and body confidence is to buy into these ideas about what to do with our time and money and bodies. I?m sure there?s a spectrum of views among feminists as to what we feel is right for us and what?s not, and I don?t want to get into that because I think it?s the least interesting bit of the debate. So I?m not trying to start yet another ?do you wax your fanjo fur? thread ? interesting as they are ?!

I am sure there is a way to resist gendered body care/products without in any way denigrating or ignoring the female body. I bet some of you are brilliant at this and the Resisting Femininity threads were great for showing me the way. But I also want to replace the things I?m resisting, not just get rid of all focus on my body. My mum can as close as can be to this ? everything ?gendered? for women?s bodies, from women?s anti-perspirant, to shaving equipment, to perfume and cosmetics, came under the same heading of ?disgusting things?. In retrospect I find this quite disturbing and not remotely feminist. I am sure I would have been a happier and better-adjusted teenager if I?d not had to sneak off to buy deodorant and nick my dad?s used disposables (I didn?t know any better). If as an adult woman I want to do without any of this stuff, that?s fine ? but I certainly don?t want to feel it?s the only option, or that being a feminist has to mean focusing on the mind and forgetting about the body.

So what I would like to do is to try to hammer out a sense of what you do (if anything) to replace or contrast with what we?re offered by society in terms of caring for your body. So I thought maybe it?d be nice to have a sort of wellbeing thread on here, where we can do all the healthy stuff you hope for on a ?diet? thread (and don?t IME get), and we can do all the ?taking time for myself? stuff that the beauty industry has colonised and distorted, but we can also maybe chat about how to feel better about our bodies, instead of how to make them look better.

So, here?s my list (some, obviously, drawn from a certain S&B thread!). They?re what I?ll hope to do, not what I promise to do! Grin

  • I?m going to try to go for a walk at least twice a week, even if it?s just half an hour. And I?m going to take my camera so I don?t end up thinking about work the whole time!
  • I?m going to try to eat two different kinds of fruit/veg (I get stuck on apples galore)
  • I?ll try to cut my coffee intake
  • I?ll try to take 15 minutes before I go to bed to think about something that is not work, or chatting on MN (!), or planning food shopping or whatever
  • I?m going to try to make proper breakfast every day
  • Go to bed early one night per week
  • Ration my (awful) snickers habit! I have eaten three snickers ice-cream bars this morning and it is Not good.
  • (You can laugh here) I?m going to do some pelvic floor exercises every week ? I always forget and I imagine I?ll be glad of them later on!

Please add in suggestions if you have them or say if you think I ought to change my mind about any of these.

OP posts:
EleanorRathbone · 01/11/2011 20:10

Oh yes 30 day shred. Exhausting. But I love: "No you cannot. That is a FALSE message of LETHARGY".

Grin
AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 20:13

Lies! Lethargy speaks to me, we have a special and intimate bond which you cannot break!

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AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 20:17

I have to admit I have never in my life bought, watched, or considered buying an exercise DVD. The nearest I've ever got to exercise other than walking or swimming is a few badly-postured sit-ups. I truanted from PE at school or actively ran away from the ball in team games.

I am a little scared by the link.

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ConstantCraving · 01/11/2011 20:50

I'm in. Marking my place as am off to bed now - no. 1 on my list & I'm sticking to it!
See you tomorrow.

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 20:57

See you tomorrow - glad you came on this thread, hope it is a bit what you wanted, even if not perfect. Thanks for chatting to me about it on the other thread. Smile

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messyisthenewtidy · 01/11/2011 21:07

My 15 mins before bed is spent on Mumsnet Feminism Section - which turns into an hour and then some.

I don't have to give that up do I? Sad

Ok, will just drink more water for one whole week.

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 21:52
Grin

Yeah, I occasionally realize MN is doing terrible things to my blood pressure. But then it balances out with lovely things - like all the threads today, there seem to have been a huge burst of interesting ones after it had been a bit quiet/irritating for a while.

Anyway, I think the point is you don't have to do anything!

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ElderberrySyrup · 01/11/2011 21:57

Wow, if I went on MN just before going to sleep I would never sleep. Not just because of staying awake, but because it would get me all worked up and I would need to wind down. The MN feminist section is many things but it is not calming.

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 22:06

I dunno, occasionally it can be very calming. There's a great feeling when a thread just comes together, and everyone's laughing or everyone's making excited comments and agreeing, and you think 'wow, it's all going to be ok'.

But it doesn't happen often and it'd be odd if it did. I think bits of the resisting feminity threads were like that for me, which is why I wanted to do this. And a mental health thread recently - I could almost feel the burdens lifting (cliche, I know Grin).

One of the habits I know I should resolve to break is the horrible one of MNing when DH and I are watching something - it's a really grotty, 'background noise' use of TV programmes that I know is bad for me - but sooo hard to get away from if there's a good juicy thread!

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ComradeJing · 02/11/2011 06:48

I'm in too!

I love that this is bodies and minds.

I am going to:

  • Shred and start the couch to 5k. I'd like to lose some weight but it's mostly about my pelvic floor which is shot to hell.
  • Do the iphone keegle app every day.
  • Join some expat/parenting groups and make some new friends.
  • re sleep train DD so that she is going to sleep in her own cot again (not CC or CIO)
  • write for 30 minutes every day. It's something I loved and I think was very good at but I stopped doing it.
epicfail · 02/11/2011 10:41

Count me in. The one and only time I was actually quite fit the main benefit I found, (apart from the obvious feeling good in my clothing) was that I felt really mentally fit too. My mind felt so much sharper.

I am going to start with two things. Reduce my coffee intake with an aim to giving it up entirely, and drink water. I have the worst mental block with water - I just forget to drink it - I can go weeks without actually drinking one glass!
From tomorrow, I am going to set an alarm on my iPhone to go off every two hours during the day to remind me.

SinicalSal · 02/11/2011 12:23

I may join in... great idea for a thread anon.

I'm 6 weeks post partum to a wonderful dc2 (yay) but some complications which have left me a bit weak & fearful, but maybe my ambition for this thread will be to
regain my physical strength
figure out if I'll ever have sex again
do some career thinking

broad brushstrokes, I know...but thinking is the first steps to doing, and a task in itself, in my case.

AnonWasAWoman · 02/11/2011 12:33

Oh, I'm glad there's another coffee giver-upper, epic. I've had none today and feel very dopey but virtuous. And I made porridge for breakfast which was likewise virtuous.

jing - I like your list. The writing - how do you choose what to write? Fiction or non? I've heard short bursts are the best way for creativity, aren't they?

sal - I'm sorry, can't read your post without thinking 'ooh, lovely snuggly baby!' Grin

I agree with 'thinking is the first steps to doing' ... there's things I've put on my list that I'm not sure if I will do, and there's things I'm hoping won't be so much physical actions as working towards a clearer sense of why I'm doing these things and what it does for me as a person/as a woman.

It is absolutely fucking freezing here today and I'm sitting at my computer with a blanket tucked round me, so my half-hour walk does not feel appealing right now!

OP posts:
MarionCole · 02/11/2011 12:58

I'm adding another one - get up half an hour earlier every morning and do some cleaning/tidying, because I'm so much happier and more relaxed in a clean and tidy house.

ComradeJing · 02/11/2011 13:24

Anon I think I'm going to start by keeping a diary again. I did so for years and loved it but fell out of the habit when I wasn't very happy a few years ago as I realised that dwelling on the unhappiness was causing me to be unhappy and that actually I just needed a stiff upper lip and to get on with it. Keeping a diary also counts towards 15 minutes of unwinding before going to sleep.

But really I love writing fiction especially romance stuff which I'm quite aware is often like the handmaiden's training manual for the patriarchy. I'm trying to do the snowflake writing method and so far it seems to be helping. I used to just be able to bash it all out but now I find myself stumped. I know the brain is a muscle that needs exercise so I'm starting slow but going for it.

AnonWasAWoman · 02/11/2011 13:33

I've not heard of the snowflake method ... I'll go google.

It'd be lovely to have some feminist-written romance, please please do that! I think Marian Keyes (though not romance) is very good at doing a feministy version of a genre of writing that's often anti-feminist, so it'd be good to see the same for romance.

marion - I'm realizing how much having the place tidy makes me calm too. I stopped doing anything around the house that DH didn't a few months back and it got very grotty (then better, as he realized, and even better just recently since today we have an inspection and it needed doing!). Something I have been doing for a while is to make sure there are always some kind of flowers in the house - mostly I grow from bulbs or pick them from the plants I have outside so it's not too pricey but it is really, really good for lifting the spirits IMO. At the moment I have paperwhites just coming into flower. They do it for me. Smile

OP posts:
ComradeJing · 02/11/2011 14:27

snowflake method
:)

alto2 · 02/11/2011 16:37

I'd like to join please.

Trying to lose a bit of weight - 2-5 kg would be nice. Need to sleep better. Already do quite a bit of walking with my lovely dog, but want to do more, especially in the dark to combat my depressive dread of the winter evenings.

Have been struggling with borderline depression since dh's critical illness and surgery - almost a year - and need to look after myself a bit better.

I have made a start by slinging some of my tattier clothes.

SardineQueen · 02/11/2011 17:56

I am going to

Try and cut down my coca cola habit
Have a bash at a spot of exercise using whatever happens to be on the fitness channels and takes my fancy - they had yoga on the other day and that looked attempt-able. With 2 little ones and a spot of PND/anxiety I am not very good at getting out and about - but something I can do at home in front of the telly might be a goer
Teach myself VBA

EleanorRathbone · 02/11/2011 18:26

oh if it's other improving stuff, I'm going to read at least 20 mins a day. Either Private Eye, Novel or current non-fiction book or report (am reading sth on barefoot running atm, but also have "Are juries fair?" to get through.

AnonWasAWoman · 02/11/2011 18:40

Hi alto. Smile

It did occur to me earlier it's good to be doing this in November, what with the evenings getting so dark, it's tempting to just curl up indoors. You've reminded me I really should sort out and sell my old clothes ... sometime ...

sardine - I like the idea of yoga too. Sorry to hear about the PND. Sad Sending you good vibes.

eleanor - yes, basically it's whatever you want that could conceivably come under the heading of 'health' or 'wellbeing'. Including mental health, emotional wellbeing, etc etc. I notice that a lot of the things women are encouraged to do as 'time for yourself' are actually pretty crappy, painful, expensive or depressing, but obviously the idea of taking time for yourself/ being 'worth it' need not be the exclusive property of L'Oreal and the rest. So I fancied swapping ideas and inspiration about other good things to make time for.

I like Private Eye for short bursts of reading btw - can be very un-feminist and leave me steaming with rage, but more often than not it's good IMO.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 02/11/2011 19:04

Oh crikey. I just said to DH "so do you want to do some yoga then?" brightly and he unexpectedly said yes. He is an overweight ex rugby player. I can be quite windy (the babies did something to my insides) and I hear yoga can exacerbate this type of thing. This is going to be fun Grin

AnonWasAWoman · 02/11/2011 19:17

Oh, wow, that's lovely! Smile

I am rather jealous you got that response - it is like getting blood out of a stone to get my (likewise overweight) DH to do exercise with me and I wish he would. He'll come on a walk but joint exercise/healthy eating he's not keen on. The response to me saying could we try one early night a week was a puzzled 'erm, why? Do you mean like before midnight?' Hmm Grin

Anyway, that sounds fantastic - it'll be more fun doing it together, you can laugh at each other.

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MarionCole · 02/11/2011 19:54

Well Zumba starts in 6 minutes and I'm still sitting on the sofa Hmm

stripeybumpinthenight · 02/11/2011 19:55

Go go go Marion! Grin