Wellbeing Thread - who's in?

[AnonWasAWoman]

This is a sort of ?gap in the market? thread really, forgive the rotten title. I was thinking about women and wellbeing and a possible feminist slant on what I feel the beauty industry has colonised.

If I try to find a threads, or a magazine articles, about women?s wellbeing and health I can guarantee half of them will be written in what comes across to me as doublethink: ?you need to feel good about your body, so first you must wage war upon it for a woman?s body is naturally hideously ugly!?. This just makes me sad. So do diluted versions ? the kind of discussions or groups where participants begin with a focus on health, but gradually shift to ?what can you do to look good?, which ? well, just makes me feel ugly if I don?t do those things (And, ah, angry that some people think women should have to!).

It really worries me how, as women, health and beauty are constantly conflated, and there?s an ever-increasing list of treatments that begin as luxurious pampering, then quickly come to be essential ?maintenance? or even basic ?hygiene?. It?s taken that a sign of healthy self-confidence and body confidence is to buy into these ideas about what to do with our time and money and bodies. I?m sure there?s a spectrum of views among feminists as to what we feel is right for us and what?s not, and I don?t want to get into that because I think it?s the least interesting bit of the debate. So I?m not trying to start yet another ?do you wax your fanjo fur? thread ? interesting as they are ?!

I am sure there is a way to resist gendered body care/products without in any way denigrating or ignoring the female body. I bet some of you are brilliant at this and the Resisting Femininity threads were great for showing me the way. But I also want to replace the things I?m resisting, not just get rid of all focus on my body. My mum can as close as can be to this ? everything ?gendered? for women?s bodies, from women?s anti-perspirant, to shaving equipment, to perfume and cosmetics, came under the same heading of ?disgusting things?. In retrospect I find this quite disturbing and not remotely feminist. I am sure I would have been a happier and better-adjusted teenager if I?d not had to sneak off to buy deodorant and nick my dad?s used disposables (I didn?t know any better). If as an adult woman I want to do without any of this stuff, that?s fine ? but I certainly don?t want to feel it?s the only option, or that being a feminist has to mean focusing on the mind and forgetting about the body.

So what I would like to do is to try to hammer out a sense of what you do (if anything) to replace or contrast with what we?re offered by society in terms of caring for your body. So I thought maybe it?d be nice to have a sort of wellbeing thread on here, where we can do all the healthy stuff you hope for on a ?diet? thread (and don?t IME get), and we can do all the ?taking time for myself? stuff that the beauty industry has colonised and distorted, but we can also maybe chat about how to feel better about our bodies, instead of how to make them look better.

So, here?s my list (some, obviously, drawn from a certain S&B thread!). They?re what I?ll hope to do, not what I promise to do!

• I?m going to try to go for a walk at least twice a week, even if it?s just half an hour. And I?m going to take my camera so I don?t end up thinking about work the whole time!
• I?m going to try to eat two different kinds of fruit/veg (I get stuck on apples galore)
• I?ll try to cut my coffee intake
• I?ll try to take 15 minutes before I go to bed to think about something that is not work, or chatting on MN (!), or planning food shopping or whatever
• I?m going to try to make proper breakfast every day
• Go to bed early one night per week
• Ration my (awful) snickers habit! I have eaten three snickers ice-cream bars this morning and it is Not good.
• (You can laugh here) I?m going to do some pelvic floor exercises every week ? I always forget and I imagine I?ll be glad of them later on!

Please add in suggestions if you have them or say if you think I ought to change my mind about any of these.

This thread has got me thinking. What I need most of all to do for my wellbeing is somehow stop getting in a spiral of negative thoughts and fears about spending so long unemployed which just result in me getting miserable, and instead try and enjoy spending time with gorgeous DS. So for a start, next week we will go swimming one afternoon, and maybe to the Science Museum.

And I need to spend the half hour before bed relaxing AWAY from the computer. Too much insomnia recently if I don't.

best thing i did was to get my dog and discover the local nature reserve. walking is lovely, it is healthy without being hard or painful and you can get good exercise out of it if you really stomp along. it's lovely to be outdoors and bathe your eyes and soul in nature. having a dog is a great motivator but also great company. i entered the reserve this morning and let my dog off and she was wild with happiness, running like a galloping horse in crazy circles. just watching her made me feel joy in physicality itms. and dog walkers round here are nice people, the dogs run together and play and interact and i chat with their owners and get to share simple greetings and smiles with a broad range of people. it's a lovely space and time in my day.

other thing is meditation. and it doesn't have to be hard or serious. you can find a practice that suits you. i have found metta practices really soothing and good for my mental health. just relaxing and being still and in one's body and present even for ten minutes a day, letting yourself feel what you feel phyiscally, emotionally, etc and be present to it rather than racing around in your head is wonderful. so that would be my 'spending time on me' stuff as opposed to waxing/plucking/scrubbing the hell out of myself - meditation.

the other biggies for treating your body are water and sleep imo. scheduling in naps is good. i remember when ds was a baby and i used to make sure that at least once every few days i napped with him - it was like catching up on my sleep deficit and i'd feel better for it. i think i will lay down in silence for an hour every few days and daydream and relax and be cool as to whether i sleep or just chill but no tv/radio/books/computer etc.

sorry for the waffle. love the thread idea.

ninja - how old is your DS? Your plans sound lovely. And it's stuff he will remember, isn't it? Which is really nice.

I remember the crap unemployed feelings - luckily for me it wasn't much over a year but it's horrible. I felt really isolated at the time. Sorry, not cheering I know, but maybe I can just offer the fellow-feeling about it. You'll get there.

Meantime I'm imagining marion zumba'ing away ... does thinking about someone else's exercising count?!

Speaking of wellbeing btw, I've finally got my damn shower fixed (had no hot water for a month), and I've just had my first looooooong hot shower since late September .... blisss.

Ahem. Erm, not that I don't wash, I hasten to add. I just dont quite relax the same way in icy water/a friend's shower.

Honest ...

WiF - what kind of dogs do you have?

I can't keep a pet in my flat but have borrowed cat visitors from my neighbours and often find dogs joining me when I'm walking, too. It's lovely, I agree.

In fact I think animals are known to be good for wellbeing, aren't they?

Interesting you mention meditation - I immediately thought how many adverts for women-grooming stuff have a quasi-meditative feel to them ... slow music, woman lifting her face to the light, eyes closed, lots of sighed breathing and so on.

Real meditation would be a great way to reclaim a bit of territory there!

I am quite hung up on the way all this stuff is marketed because I'm a total mug for marketing and buy into the lovely images and the pretty pictures of what x product could do for my life - it's great to kind of re-purpose the same images and your post made me recognize another bit of that.

Great thread. Just marking my place as not got time to read all of it now, but I am definitely in. As a start, on Monday I finally went to see the GP to ask for my horrible back problem to be properly investigated and he has referred me for an MRI scan :) This is a big deal as I have had this problem for ten years and until now (I realise) didn't feel like it was worthy of treatment, even though when it flares up it is painful and limiting. I mean, wtf? Why is that not worthy of treatment?

Anyway, since having my DC I have very strong feelings about wanting to set a strong and healthy ideal for them, so getting myself sorted out is important to me. I'll be back later to catch up with the thread - thanks for starting it, Anon :)

Thanks Anon.

No hot water for a month, brrrr!

brrrr is about right!

It made me realize how lovely a long hot shower (with lavender bubbles) really is.

stabbing (not sure how best to abbreviate that name!) - good luck with the MRI!

I'm not comparing situations as what you have is obviously serious (), but I do know what you're saying about not quite recognizing your pains are worth getting sorted out. I had a long thread on here a while back where I was struggling to convince my then-not-very-DH to let me use the desk to work at because I was getting backache from not having a proper chair and workspace. It took a load of MN Feminist (TM) disbelief and scathing comments to make me realize quite how stupid of me (and entitled of him) that was, and the back pain cleared up soon after I got the desk to work on.

It did make me think about how I treat my body and how that's a feminist issue, quite a lot. The attitudes to women in pain or even 'just' discomfort are quite twisted when you get into them ... I remember a teacher of mine pointing out that even something as simple, helpful, and only mildly painful as a cervical screening would probably be seen rather differently if men had to go and do it ...

Whew. Am rambling; will shut up!

I remember that thread Anon! Glad you get to use the desk now.

Hi Anon . Great thread - thank you! Exactly what was needed. My list:

• I'm trying to go to bed earlier & do a relaxation / meditation excercise before I go to sleep as work is crazy and I need to properly switch off and rebalance.
• I do need to excercise but will need to go to a class as I know I won't do it on my own at home - again, thinking yoga as good for body and mind..
• Reading!! Need to do more and watch less tv!
• Drinking more water - been under the weather and a de-tox is in order before xmas excesses!
• Going to treat myself to some culture - maybe a day out to an art gallery.

Feeling better already!

YYY, this contempt for women's pain. Look at this nonsense of wearing very high heels - this is actually extremely painful after about 2 hours, so you have to actively teach yourself to endure the agony, the same way that you have teach yourself to smoke. And in former times, you taught yourself to endure your stays or corsets or whatever it was. And has anyone ever worn one of those pull your stomach in body stockings? Once I wore one, and I was in absolute agony so I had to go to the loo to take it off, by which time I had proper constipation! But this is not funny - women school themselves to put up with pain so successfully that they gradually don't notice the pain and their body adapts to deal with it. And then they are told that the things that cause that pain, are this season's must have item in the wardrobe.

It's fucking insane. Reading as a treat, is much more sane. She says, ranting away on MN too close to what should be bedtime...

One coffee today instead of two. I can't go without just yet Anon. And I did indeed set the iPhone to go off at two hourly intervals, drank a huge glass of water each time, then spent the rest of the day wearing out a path up the stairs to the loo - so I have now unwittingly increased my incidental exercise as well!

Anon I remember that thread too, didn't realise this was you. Very glad you reclaimed your space :) Also you have reminded me to change out of my Halloween name.

You need to market this exercise plan epic, it has potential.

I switched from coffee to tea (tea being much weaker in my house), so shouldn't have a crashing headache, but I do. I suspect that's telling me I was drinking far too much of it before though.

stabbing - thanks! And the names thing is confusing atm - I can't keep track. I am missing my old one too so may NC back soon.

Has anyone nice ideas for breakfasts? I'm trying to make and eat something every morning as I tend to skip it, and I've done porridge and yoghurt with fruit on top - what else is nice and (ideally) dairy-based?

Bircher Musilli (no idea of spelling). Extra brilliant for being able to throw it together the night before and it's easy to throw in a container and eat on the tube or at your desk.

Or do some freezer smoothies. Bag up some mixed frozen fruit, a couple of ice cubes of yogurt and stick portion sized bags in the freezer. Then blend with a handful of oats in the morning and you're ready to go.

i'm not giving up coffee! i only learnt to drink it in my 20's and it was like a new lease of life - a legal stimulant i'd been missing out on all those years?! i also like the theory that coffee drinkers have less chance of alzheimers and a few other nasties that has been publicised lately.

just wanted to say that i think facepacks are actually quite nice but stick to home made ones now. a really simple facepack that is good for the skin is just to make a small amount of porridge (with water not milk), add a spoon of honey, plaster on and leave to go dry and crusty. add warm water and massage like an exfoliant and pat dry.

Thanks ComradeJing! I shall give the former a go, not sure about the latter (limited freezer space and, you know, the icecream just has to be there!)

WiF - that sounds good! I like chilled eye masks too - boots used to do a really nice one with cucumber that you put in the fridge, I ought to see if they still do. Really nice if you get sore eyes/headaches behind your eyes.

Incidentally, the headaches are why I need to give the coffee a break! And I want to see if my sleep patterns sort themselves out without it.

I've thought of another thing I want to do, which is doing something practical (but not Wifework!) for a bit of time every day. The mention of quilting earlier got me thinking how good it is to be doing something that requires a bit of physical concentration and keeps your hands busy, so your mind can wander.

Today I got a load of spring bulbs delivered so my 'something practical' will be planting those.

i've just started knitting a week or so ago anon and am finding it perfect for that. i also (mentalist warning) have a bit of an issue with getting panicky in waiting rooms and am hoping that knitting will be good for tackling that too.

Oh, that's rotten for you (the panic). I hope the knitting works - it sounds as if it should. I wish I could knit, it's on my (long) list of things I would like to learn.

And there is something very satisfying about doing traditionally female 'crafts' like knitting and sewing IMO. There is a fantastic book I am reading atm about Lucy Boston's quilts which shows they were really amazing pieces of art.

I love this thread, what a good idea! I agree it's very difficult sometimes to separate out wellbeing from all the beauty/dieting stuff packaged as 'health'.

I've started going to the gym a couple of times a week, having always been very anti-gym all my life. I'm doing some resistance stuff as I have family history of osteoporosis and weight-bearing exercise is one of the things you can do as a preventative measure. Also using the cross trainer for general fitness. Not trying to lose weight, I'll be quite happy if I stay the same weight but end up stronger and with more lean body mass instead of fat.

I want to do a short mindfulness meditation every day, I feel a lot better when I do this, but don't always find the time, and it's hard to settle to it when you're busy/stressed (of course that's when you need it most!).

Also this time of year I need to get outside and make sure I get enough daylight every day. Having a dog to walk definitely helps with that. In fact having a dog is good for wellbeing altogether, he's brought me a lot of love and happiness :)

I'm going to try and go swimming once a week.

• I should have the time as I'm working P/T at my son's school ATM at lunch-time.

So either first thing after school-run, or after work before pick-up ! Thanks for the challenge and the company Anon

Hi ephiny and juggling! It's really nice to have other swimmers/walkers around, it's reminding me to get out of the house and do it.

How is everyone doing? I've been out for a walk twice and feel very calm, but I have been rubbish at getting 15 minutes powering-down time before I go to sleep ... I just end up planning work in my head or falling asleep.

Something that came out of the Resisting Femininity thread for me was how much time you can waste just keeping track of what you 'need' to do before you leave the house ... reminding myself to get out for a walk before it pours/gets dark is a pretty good way to stop doing that I'm finding.

I've failed on the water drinking - and not excercising yet. But i have been doing 15 mins meditation / relaxation bfore bed and its helping me sleep!! .

That's great.

It's quite hard getting in the mood to exercise when it's so dark and cold outside - you've reminded me to drag myself and DH off the sofa and out for a walk this afternoon.

I'm comforting myself that come Februrary, I will feel better for not having spent the winter doing nothing.

Reclaim the Night counts as good exercise, doesn't it?

i haven't read all this thread but i do understand the first post - i have also found it's taken me a long time to get to where i am comfortable with massage and 'treats' without feeling pressured into what i consider the more misogynistic beauty 'treatments'.

i am sporty so the 'health' bit has never been a problem for me - i walk, run, ski, mountain bike and used to do lots of martial arts.. all healthy but not part of the 'body conscious' movement... i think all adventure and outdoor sports are like this, it might surprise some people but honestly, the more traditionally masculine passtimes are actually very welcoming and safe places for women.

i also do yoga. i struggled a bit at first as my first yoga classes were in places that also offered 'detox' and other crap like that.. but now i've found a proper yoga shala that is more true to the meaning of yoga where everything is about not judging ourselves or our practice and accepting where we are at in that moment and being in tune with our body and non-judgemental of it.

finally, i've found some massage practitioners that i really get on with - previously i've gone to 'beauty treatment' places for massage and not been comfortable with all the 'fat reduction treatments' and 'laser treatments' and almost cosmetic surgery going on around me. i now use two massage therapists (one remdial and sport and one thai massage) which are both good and care about my wellbeing... i found both through the yoga school.