Can you be a feminist housewife?

[wigglybeezer]

Can you be a feminist if you don't have a career but your DH does, especially if this situation has been going on for a long time (13 years in my case)?

I don't feel downtrodden by the way, merely a bit bored and lacking in choice ATM. I earn a small amount of money, so don't have to ask DH for everything but I'm wondering if my Granny (who was a hospital consultant) was a better feminist than me. I just found a photo of her and her pals at medical school where she has noted on the back that there were 18 female medical students out of 180!

Which I agree with.

I seem to be in a minority here, but I feel disappointed when women choose not to work long term in favour of bringing up their children, if they have bothered to build a career they find satisfying (it's more understandable if it's a job rather than a career they give up). I feel it is a shame for womankind that these intelligent women are no longer in the workplace.

However, I can't argue this very well - I suppose the point of feminism is that women have the choice to work, regardless of whether they take it or not.

Don't be disappointed on my account, notletting, please.

I am an educated professional who chooses not to go out to work. For many reasons.

My children certainly aren't disappointed or my husband, parents, local community, friends.

Just you, it seems!

LOL at the image of the state "imposing compulsory payment"

"Here, you, your NI number says you have got to take this wad of cash. You've got to have it, whether you want it or not. No, you've got to, we'll lock you up if you refuse to take it. You're not allowed to give it away, you're not allowed to give it to charity, you've got to go out and spend it all in Mothercare or McDonalds - or we'll fine you."

I expect the sinister Mr Brown would have been round all our houses doing that, if he'd been re-elected. The state is terrifying isn't ti. I have nightmares about the DWP viciously placing thousands of pounds in my bank account against my will. Horrifying prospect, strikes at the heart of contract between the state and the individual, blah di blah...

well if some want to dip partners wage to boost yourself esteem by giving themselves a so called wage.i dont expect there to be a queue of wage earners so id envisage take off at source.compulsory payment

Ah yes, because the state has a great record of getting men to pay their fair share for childcare.... 3/5 of lone parents don't get maintenance... so our state's not so hot on making compulsory payment happen, is it?

"So what's the solution then?"

indeed.given unable to enforce maintenance when relationship broken down any suggestion of payment to current relationship is daft

maybe women shouldn't put self in such precarious position of being unwaged and dependent upon a partner or hoping for state supplement to boost lleged poor self esteem and monies

someone else suggested sahm salary to boost poor self esteem.its impaired apparently

oh it was raise status i see.menat to say that
as status must be derived from salary? even someone else salary it seems
if you want your status raising go sort something for yourself,dont expect a state payment to ameliorate any perceived low status

its the kind of argument initiated by herB which i agree with. as she says 3/5 men dont pay maintenance and state cant enforce that,so another payment is deduction likely to fail

plenty studies.working mums have better mental health than non working mums and higher satisfaction scores.and less depression

you know my stance,lenin.sahm is not a job,and no doesnt require a salary nor state interventions to invoke a payment.if a couple chose to make a private,personal arrangement that is their business.not the state

the notion of sahm payment is untenable,unworkable,too costly

and id advise anyone considering sahm to weigh up pros and cons.its precarious and risky

my own personal choice is ft work, separate accounts for salary and joined salary for all shared expenses

DH and I agreed to use his salary (from our joint account - I am using the 'his money' thing in the context of this thread only!) to top up my pension and pay to get an extra qualification while I was a SAHM, hence possibly my rather privileged take on it all.

Pooled childcare and flexible working isn't improving the lot of the full time SAHM though Lenin? It's making WOH more appealing to women?

yes and women too need to individually plan and not be wholly dependent upon someone else.and not expect a supplementary payment whilst economically inactive as housewife

you want a wage?get a job

I had 7 years as a SAHM and was happy to do this as we both wanted one of us to be at home when the DCs were small. We had a choice - me or him - but he earned more than me so we chose for me to be the SAHP.

Because we got together in our 30s, we both had built up our careers and I was OK with stepping back from mine for a while. I happily picked it up again at 40 and had the best years in my 40s with several promotions.

Financially, we used joint savings to tide us over the 7 years without my salary. We also had a system where all money went into a joint account for all joint spending. Then we each had our own bank accounts for "pocket money" for our own private use - exactly the same amount for each of us.

Then, after I went back to work, DH became disabled and he has spent the last 15 years as SAHP with no earnings apart from a small pension. The financial system has continued in the same way.

I don't feel that either of us has had a raw deal from this. Or the DCs.

But whether it would be possible to work like this these days with present housing costs, I'm not sure.