"No thanks, I've got a boyfriend"... part deux

[Anniegetyourgun]

Here y'go, nice clean thread, please wipe your feet before trampling all over it.

The trust thing though, to me that's not all men, everywhere, it's anyone who I don't know extremely well. I wouldn't do that climbing into bed thing with most females either. They wouldn't be in my bedroom in the first place because it's mine, and it's got, like, my handbag in and everything. It's both trust and territoriality. With men of course there's that added thing where they could in theory do something a woman probably wouldn't, or if she did there wouldn't be the same consequences, so yeah, I am a bit warier of men. Plus I don't understand them so well (despite having four sons, numerous male relatives - some of whom I definitely would not trust! - and very good male friends who I am quite sure would be perfectly safe in my bedroom, but they wouldn't be there because it's my bedroom, innit?). But then, there's quite a few women I don't understand either.

Bottom line is, other people can be dangerous so, although you shouldn't make yourself miserable by suspecting everyone and never letting them share your life, reasonable precautions should be taken. Driving is dangerous so you don't not-drive, you drive carefully and stick to the rules. I may pet strange dogs but I keep a very careful eye on their body language as you don't know what a strange dog will do, although I am generally not afraid of them. Walking down the street is dangerous so you keep an eye out, not consciously, but there could be a hole in the pavement or a falling branch or anything, so you just stay alert and don't put yourself in any silly situations. That is most emphatically not the same as saying that if anything awful happens to you it is your fault!

Erm... did I have a point here?

SardineQueen, I have had a problem with persistent males.
One guy used to ask me to go on a date with him ( I knew him from the local pub) . I said that I was not really interested in going out with him at that time.

He then used to make mix tapes for me which he would give me as gifts. He'd say, 'I've made you these. Hope you like them'.

He continued to ask me out. Until I got very firm with him one day and said, 'look, you may think this is a bit romantic but I am never going to go out with you'. How did he react? Did he become abusive- verbally or physically? Was I frightened by him? No to all.
He just said that he was trying to woo me, it had failed and was upset but accepted it was my decision. He left and that was the last of it.

So, yes, this guy irritated me, but I don't see him as a bad, abusive guy.

If he had- at ANY point- intimidated me, or become abusive, yes, I'd be saying how horrible he was here.

But there is a difference between a man trying to 'woo' a woman who GENUINELY means no harm at all but nevertheless may be an irritant and one that becomes a complete pig when the penny finally drops that the woman is not interested.
The first is irritating- can't deny it, the second is altogether more dangerous.

So, yes, I agree that men shouldn't really persist in asking a woman out when she says 'no' and that they are irritating- but, unless they appear abusive or I fear that they might become abusive -instincts and all that, it still is no big a deal to me.

I think this is where the continuum idea of persistence leading to assault falls apart from me actually; when the penny dropped that he was not going to get anywhere, it was late, we were alone (by default not planned), had a few drinks and all the rest- for an abusive male, this would be the 'perfect' time to make an assault. Did this guy assault me? No. So, in my experience, persistence does not always lead to abusiveness.

SAF What? That doesn't even qualify as splitting hairs!! "It was the office, but it wasn't the office, it was analogous to the office, but was actually just a workplace (which would include an office for xx% of us, of course, but whatever)". Clear as mud.

swallowedafly, my response is towards sardinequeen who said words along the lines that persistent men had not been a problem for me. They have been a problem for me- an irritant more than a problem, though.

I really don't know what you are talking about, now, I thought you were abbreviated to 'SAF'? .

Whatever, though, I haven't been on this thread for over a day yet you have been here since I was last here so why are you now picking up on something I said previously? Makes no sense.

It's easy to get confused.