Question re making yourself look pretty....

[AliGrylls]

Why do women still subject themselves to pain to make themselves look pretty? I am talking with reference to eyebrow plucking, waxing of all body parts and wearing high heels that have the potential to cripple. Also make-up - what do feminists say about make-up?

I ask this question because since I have given up work and had kids I have not bothered to subject myself to any of the above (bar the occasional eyebrow pluck) and I feel liberated by it. I have realised that making yourself look good is actually a pain in the bum and also DH doesn't care very much about what I look like (obviously not as much as I thought he did when we met anyway).

Thoughts please.

What bothers me is how I approach this with DD. She's 12 so it will become an issue for her quite soon. So far she isn't particularly interested. From being a total tomboy she has started to buy hair slides and choose more feminine clothes and I am taking my lead from her. I will find it hard when she starts wanting to take the prettification thing a lot further. So many girls in her school look little dolls - dyed, straightened hair, huge eyelashes, orange skin.

She is pretty already. I think she is beautiful. So why must she pluck, shave, paint and reduce herself in size to be acceptable?

I don't like the feeling of foundation on my face, it feels too heavy. And I don't mind wearing skirts with unshaven legs, though I do like to shave my legs. It all just takes so much time, and I don't have much time free. I prefer to be reading or go out walking or something.

Ormirian yes, it bothers me that my sister worries so much about her appearance too. We were both raised exactly the same way, never under pressure to dress up but never denied make up, high heels and so on. She seems to have fallen prey to the beauty myth very heavily, and it is a shame because she is stunning as she is. It's hard to know what do to - I can't imagine what that must be like from a parent's perspective.

maybe, ormirian your DD will not be bothered about it all - perhaps she will not be terribly fussed - that would be nice

I agree that for many of us it's about conforming - wanting not to attract attention - and, often, aiming to conform to other women's expectations. But those expectations do, imo, trace back to the damn patriarchy again. The ad campaigns that made us think we mustn't smell of ourselves, or have hairy legs, or untidy hair, etc,etc,etc, were created by men to make more money for corporations owned by men.

It pisses me off. But, the other day when it was sunny and I walked to the shops in shorts and fuzzy legs, I felt judgemental eyes burning into me. They probably weren't doing anything of the sort. But I waxed as soon as I got home! That's a form of self-censorship, innit? Tsk, Garlic

I've got to say, though, that now I'm middle-aged I very much enjoy being "invisible". It makes life easier. If I want to 'show off' (become hi-vis), I wear Very Bright Colours and Very Big Hair - that's definitely not about conforming.

In my sexier days, it was fun to use girly stuff to show off and look pretty :) I am unable to view that as a bad thing, especially when you can also use it as camouflage if you're insecure. It's a problem if you feel you "must" do all that work. Do women normally question this some time in their early twenties? Or are they all hopelessly brainwashed?

Garlic... I agree with you about the judgementalism... we are so used to being judged and we judge others too, and it becomes normal to judge people on appearances. I might try to be a bit more mindful of the kinds of judgements I make of others too. perhaps changing my own judgements of others will free me from feeling judged myself.

When I was single I 'made myself pretty' at one level because it gave me a bigger choice of sexual partners. Though I wouldn't have admitted it to myself at the time...

Certainly sometimes I got it wrong and 'tried too hard', wore too much makeup, dyed my hair too blonde, went OTT about diet and exercise, no regrets whatsoever though, I see that as all part of the maturing process...I think it's a normal part of your teens and twenties, perhaps thirties too for some people. I wouldn't expect me at 17 to have known myself or been as comfortable with myself as well as I do now at 35.

I caught myself making superficial judgements on people's appearance several times today... it's so pointless and feeds our sense of 'measuring up'. not good.