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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Question re making yourself look pretty....

133 replies

AliGrylls · 21/06/2011 19:28

Why do women still subject themselves to pain to make themselves look pretty? I am talking with reference to eyebrow plucking, waxing of all body parts and wearing high heels that have the potential to cripple. Also make-up - what do feminists say about make-up?

I ask this question because since I have given up work and had kids I have not bothered to subject myself to any of the above (bar the occasional eyebrow pluck) and I feel liberated by it. I have realised that making yourself look good is actually a pain in the bum and also DH doesn't care very much about what I look like (obviously not as much as I thought he did when we met anyway).

Thoughts please.

OP posts:

Riveninside · 22/06/2011 17:32

I dont bother with any of it since reading about rwsisting feminimity but i will confess to having a small fret about it all. Dh just shaves and puts in clean clothes. He doesnt give a toss about what he looks like. Thats very freeing.

WowOoo · 22/06/2011 17:49

I vary from day to day how much make up I bother with. Depends if I'm meeting clients also.
Like others have said make up makes me feel a lot more confident.
I really do feel better when my eye bags have been slightly disguised and my cheeks have a little bit of colour.

Heels, can't do them. I look like a moron trying to walk in anything over 2 inches high

It is liberating not to. Am sure it's much better for your skin too.

Peachy · 22/06/2011 18:21

Yes my DH is the same Riv (as you know LMAO). The only time we really make an effort is if we go to a carnival do and that's becuase we enjoy doing that- after several months of seeing little of each other except for at the roadside wearing three fleeces and / or a strange costuime then it's a lovely change.

But that's OK becuase I choose to do it and if I turned up in scruffs Dh woudln't care- well unless I was refused access (black tie normally) but understandable. It is, as you say, very freeing.

Peachy · 22/06/2011 18:23

'I have a very wierd unnattractive face so its also practical reasons as i'll get less abuse if I wear it

That's horribly sad- whether it's actual abuse or you have avery poor self image, either way nobody should make anyone else feel abd about as unimportant a thing.

I wear loads of jewellery these days, ds1 wants to be a designer of the stuff and I am his model it seems LOL

Riveninside · 22/06/2011 18:34

Thats really sad wrongdecade. That you cant justbe you :(

Chandon · 22/06/2011 18:34

I like to feel a level of control over my appearance. So stray hairs on my chin and lip GO.

I also like the feeling of waxing (it hurts, but in a nice way, am I weird?), of rubbing oil into my skin.

Saying that, I also like to simply not look in the mirror for the rest of the day.

vintageteacups · 22/06/2011 18:35

I guess it's nature at the root of it; look at birds preeing themselves and doing mating dances etc to attract a mate.

Saying that, the earliest humans didn't do much to make themselves more attractive to the opposite sex (body painting perhaps)- there must just be a desire/necessity to procrate and carry on the human race that is ample enough without shaving/waxing/make up etc.

However, today, how someone looks isn't only to do with them; it's based on how others perceive us.

True feminnists though would have the choice to wear or not wear make-up to make themselves look pretty surely?

Riveninside · 22/06/2011 18:47

Its hard to sep back from it all

madwomanintheattic · 22/06/2011 20:11

vintage - sure. it's about making the choice mindfully though. with an awareness of why/ how you make the decision, and acknowledging any external influences such as societal expectation. the decision is still yours, though.

vintageteacups · 22/06/2011 20:38

sorry ref my typos - preeing and procrate - you know what I meant

madwomanintheattic · 22/06/2011 20:42

i like to look at this through the military expectations lens, as well, v. most interesting.

vintageteacups · 22/06/2011 20:45

How do you mean madwoman?

madwomanintheattic · 22/06/2011 20:51

in terms of expectations - not just appearance, but general wifedom etc.

Takver · 22/06/2011 21:21

I do wonder how much anyone notices any of it anyway. I've been wearing contact lenses for the last month - I normally wear thick glasses 100% of the time. So far one person has noticed (and one other asked if I'd cut my hair differently, which I guess is sort of noticing).

I guess its a good thing that I got them for reasons other than vanity - but it did also make me wonder how drastically you would have to change your appearance for anyone to actually catch on.

For general use, therefore, I like Porpoisefull's rule of thumb that you should wear what ever you feel comfortable and appropriate in, ditto level of grooming.

sakura · 23/06/2011 02:28

Oh, I was the only one who wore crimplene drawstring trousers

sakura · 23/06/2011 02:29

I thought

littlesez · 23/06/2011 08:52

I don't wear make up generally

I live in flats because they are comfy

I shave my legs/armpits because i dont like having hairy legs/armpits.

I wax my bikini line because i dont like it creeping out of my swimming costume

I tie my hair back with a band every day because its comfy

I dont wear perfume or strong deodarent but i do smell most days

My husband couldnt care less about any of these things

wrongdecade · 23/06/2011 11:53

it could in my mind but i've had enough enconters to put me off forever.

ilovedora27 · 23/06/2011 14:56

madwoman - I think men have to do a lot more to conform in the military. They have to shave all their hair for training and shave everyday. My husband used to get in trouble as he has very dark hair and he used to get in trouble for supposedly having a 4 o clock shadow when he had shaved that morning. If I had to have bothered doing all that stuff I wouldnt of bothered joinin tbh I looked like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards most of the time I was in but it wasnt really made in to a big deal.

madwomanintheattic · 23/06/2011 15:07

i wasn't really talking about appearance tbh - but in whatever employment the employed person has a set of expectations to fulfil depending on their role. i find it interesting that the military has an (unwritten) set of expectations for the spouse to fulfil, that's all. (i particularly like the huge tome that sets out expectations for the american army officer's wife - they even write it down! a fab book - fascinating and horrifying in equal measure...)

i had long hair for my entire time in the military. i spent much longer than dh every day making my appearance 'right' for work. yeah, he had to shave his face, but i spent my life in boots buying hair pins and bun nets. (as well as the usual shaving stuff - the joys of compulsory skirt wearing in my particular role) i had to wear heels too. would have been nice to throw on combats every day but it didn't come round that often.

interesting that you feel your own looks weren't made into a big deal. most of the women who worked for me were totally denigrated by their male peers, so it wasn't important how 'military' they looked - they were always going to be inferior in the eyes of the men anyway. sort of 'well, you aren't a real service person anyway, so it doesn't matter if you don't look like one'. really interesting dynamic.

Riveninside · 23/06/2011 15:29

"For general use, therefore, I like Porpoisefull's rule of thumb that you should wear what ever you feel comfortable and appropriate in, ditto level of grooming."

Me too although people then judge what i wear.

I have a hospital appt tomorrow which will involve wearing a gown. I am feeling a ridiculous urge to shave my legs. It will be all women. Who i dont know. But my legs are very hairy. Waaaaah

ilovedora27 · 23/06/2011 15:31

I used to wear the skirt with the flat shoes I was the only girl to do that though in my office. Didnt wear combats and didnt shave my legs even for PT. No one ever said anything really and doubt they even noticed. I think you do get away with a lot of the men in military who think your attractive and some females get away with a lot more than others so it isnt really fair. I have very long hair but didnt really wear my bun net every day just used to tie it up with a band. I never really thought about it at the time but it made my life a lot easier cause I have a tendency to be a bit laid back.

I didnt know you had to have special rules to be a wife and havent ever heard of that before.

TimeWasting · 23/06/2011 15:38

Riven, you could compromise and do a little leg hair topiary. Little love hearts on your shins?

Bunbaker · 23/06/2011 16:04

I would like to know if those that don't shave their legs have very dark hair and are very hirsute. As I am both, I would feel very exposed and unattractive (to me) if I didn't keep my legs hair free.

TimeWasting · 23/06/2011 16:15

I'm very dark-haired, but I've been wearing maxi skirts, trousers or leggings. Same as I was wearing when I did shave my legs though. Sooo pointless.

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