what is it all about

[sparky246]

ive got up feeling really horrible-despondant is the right word.
i came here on a fight and stayed.
i stayed because i realised that what id been trying to fight all my life was the patriarchy.
im assuming everyone on here is trying to fight the patriarchy or we would all be on the gardening threads talking about begonias!
the fighting and arguing is getting me down.
sometimes it feels like"i know more than you"-or "fuck off im not listening but you listen to me"
i know this is only the internet and anyone can answer anyone or not but
sometimes ive written posts asking someone a question and ive been ignored
this is fine-but on the other hand im thinking.........
yes this is only the internet but for every post-theres a person behind it-
and sometimes it feels like a reflextion of rl.
im often ignored in rl-hence me fighting.
in rl i often see"i know better than you"or "fuck off you listen to me"!
this in itself feels patriarchic!
we need to hear each other and listen to each other not fight or ignore each other-if we cant do this there cant be no feminism-it just becomes lip service.
we could learn so much from each other-no matter what path we tread!
if we dont/cant do this we will end up with a heirarchy of women that fight each other-this is not feminism-we should be equel.
as i said-this is only the internet but i feel it reflects rl!

That aside, for me this area of mumsnet still feels like the safest place on the Internet.

MI, you are not wrong there. Nowhere else I would come if I wanted to talk about gender-based issues, especially those involving violence.

But we can't hear and listen to everyone can we - I'd say the vast majority of posts get ignored or simply missed -
And healthy debate can involve disagreement. That's not a 'bad' thing.

thankyou Mitchies.
Primalscream-yes i agree with you-we cant listen to everyone and yes a healthy debate is good.
but im not actually talking about this-i think im not putting myself across very good-sorry.
im on about rl and how this board is like a reflextion of rl sometimes.
my frustrasion is to do with rl not peoples posts.
can you see what im saying?
btw-i misunderstood youre post hence my answer-my answer looks a bit mad
sorry.
i think you was talking about posts and this board?-i was talking about rl.

S'ok - . yes I think we were talking at cross purposes. I was talking about MN posts in general ( 90% of mine get ignored, not that I'm surprised, I can talk major crap sometimes )
I'm not sure what to say about your RL experiences. Who ignores you exactly?
(( and if you ignore this post I'll chase you around MN until you answer me ))

oh its much too hot to be being chased around anywhere today primalscream
so ill answer you
well-its the whole thing really.
if youve got a child with sn its like you become a non parent-everyones got a say on youre child except you[everyone knows youre child more than you]
if you have a disability youre a non person[we re not allowed to be in law but we are]
single parents-scum of the earth.
week in week out-year after year endless stupid meetings which resemble "big brother"-for what?
seeing kids with no shoes-seeing women living in substandered housing
ect ect ect-
then we all sit in meetings and are stastistics -but we are human beings but people forget this.
im not just on about me primalscream

I like your posts, too, Sparky. And, yes,
we could learn so much from each other-no matter what path we tread! exactly!!

Go and have a bath?? wtf? !

I get upset at the way these threads go usually sometimes, because they can disintegrate in to "shouting" where some posters insist others are wrong, without trying to see the others' point of view. It's true this is very likely to happen on forum threads, because we only have written language to communicate with so misunderstandings happen more often.

But there is still no advantage in trying to 'win' a conversation by dominating it, nor by taking sides as also happens here. Both of those are 'patriarchal' ways of trying to silence dissenters. I'm not surprised it pisses you off.

In RL, have you done any training on assertive argument? It includes things like feeding back what your opponent has just said, so as to ensure you're all on the same page, then disputing it from that point.

thankyou garlicbutter.
no i havent done any training on assertive argument-i dont know what this means,

There are loads of techniques that help you to get what you want, even when somebody's trying to bully you. Standing up for yourself, basically, without getting angry.

This is my favourite introduction: www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A2998551

I'll try and find some more good links later :)

Sparky I relate very strongly to what you are saying.

I do lurk here sometimes but I almost never post any more. Because I certainly don't feel safe. Just popped up to give you a wave and a hug. Back to lurking.

I was looking for a decent online NLP primer for you, but got swamped by sales pitches for courses! You might try this one: it is a sales pitch, but they have included some real advice in the links on this page: www.nlp-now.co.uk/tips-n-tech.htm

Sparky - firstly, can I just say I'm so sorry you feel let down and powerless.
I don't really know what to say other than 'chin up' and keep going. Life isn't always fair and we all get the 'ah fuck it' feeling every now and again ( I get it 4 times a week at least ) but there's nothing you can do apart from carry on.
Secondly, and on a more general note - society, or should I say the 'consumer' society, doesn't really value disability, however much the politicians etc protest - and you know why
it's because you can't spend as much money. You're what sociologists call the 'repressed' - look at advertising, it's all aimed at the people with money, the young, the fit, the people with disposable income - the rest of us can bugger off. And that's the reality. There's no cure. Because in a consumer society ( and we most definitely are one ) only the people with money have real freedom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 - how good have I made you feel?

You've made me feel about 3/10!
You're spot on, though.

thankyou garlicbutter-ill take a look at it later[excuse the pun]
WAVES at Melezka and hugs back-thanks
oh i feel alright on here-i rarely post anywhere else on mn.
its ashame you feel like this-this board is for everyone-post

Primalscream-
yep-this is exactly what im on about[powerless]and im powerless because of the patriarchy.
yep-i agree with you reg disability but i think also think that disability is unsexy/embarressing to others/unclean[at times]/ugly-and this is because of the patriarchy.
its the bloody patriarchy straight down the line.
this is why im here primalscream.
hmmmmm-1-10?i dunno but i do feel better than i did when i started the thread-so thankyouand thankyou to everyone[amother smile]