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Original poster

Disney Princesses - Can someone help me get my argument straight please?

85 replies

dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 10:30

I read a fantastic blog last year about how Disney princesses portrayed women very negatively- Disney princesses are very sexual, spend their lives waiting to be rescued by a man, beauty valued over anything else etc.

It made me evaluate how I want to bring up DD and the kinds of toys and clothes we buy for DD (2.3) and whilst I don't go as far as to reject princessy/"girly" gifts from family, if they ask I encourage them to buy her something else.

So, yesterday, my mother asked me if I planned to stop co-sleeping with DD. I said we'd considered it but she doesn't have her own bed at the moment so we'll probably do something over the summer before DC2 arrives. She said she'd seen a beautiful princess bed and she wanted to buy it for DD.

I said I'd prefer her not to have a princess bed and tried to explain my reasons but it sounded a bit weak to be honest. It made much more sense when I read the article. My mum just sighed said "yes, but she's a girly girl and she if she'd like the bed then surely that means its her choice". I struggled to argue with that one (except the "girly girl" bit). I pointed out that she also likes Thomas the Tank Engine and so might like a bed like that but she said that's a boys bed and asked why I can't just let DD be a girl. I said I am letting her be a girl just not by my mothers definition of what it is to be a girl.

So basically all my waffle is asking for some help in explaining to my mum why I don't want DD to have a princess bed. Interestingly, it's princess bed or buy a bed ourselves and my step-dad may just buy it for her anyway which would infuriate me.

I want my parents to understand, even if they don't agree. Princess is just the latest battle. I'm still working on "good girls don't do X" or their obsession with trying to get my energetic, climbing, running 2 year old to wear pink dresses (have you tried climbing a slide in a dress?).

I also can't find the blog anymore but am still searching...

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Original poster
dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 10:30

Crikey, sorry, what a long intro to basically ask "Help me to explain why I don't like Disney Princesses".

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AliceWorld · 20/04/2011 10:33

would this help?

Original poster
dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 10:34

Thanks Alice I haven't seen that before. Just having a read now.

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Bramshott · 20/04/2011 10:36

Disney princesses (except Mulan) don't really DO anything do they? They just hang around waiting to be rescued by their handsome prince, whereupon they live happily ever after Hmm.

Mind you, my DDs have a few princess-y things - dressing up clothes, jigsaws etc - I don't ban them, just try to make subversive comments Wink!

Original poster
dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 10:42

Thanks Bram I think if she really wanted something princessy then we'd find a way around it but she's 2. She's never seen a Disney film about princesses, her attention span is just too short for that. It's my mum who has decided that DD would like a princess bed.

I don't even have anything against pink in that it's just one of the colours that DD could wear but her grandparents on both sides seem to think if she isn't wearing mostly pink then I'm being mean by not letting her be a girl.

DD does like to "mother" her dolls but she also likes to drive her car around the garden. Her "boy" traits are overlooked and they play up the "girl" traits.

Still searching for the blog and reading Alice's link.

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Original poster
dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 10:45

Princesses are fairly passive, yes, and what kind of a role model is that for our children? (that's not directly aimed at you Bram)

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Chrysanthemum5 · 20/04/2011 10:47

My argument would be that she'll quickly grow out of any character bed so you just want a plain one. However, I think your point is more about wanting your parents to respect your views and that's probably a longer term battle you will have again and again.

When DS was at nursery the staff banned the children playing with guns, being power rangers etc. I spoke to them and said that was fine as long as they stopped the little girls pretending to be princesses because that was damaging to their self-esteem. I didn't get far to be honest!

DD has a few princess things, I don't ban them but I don't seek them out. Just like I don't ban DS from playing with any of his toys, but some I don't like.

Original poster
dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 10:51

That's interesting Chrysanthemum I did say to my mum that DD is Peppa pig obsessed but she said "she'll grow out of that soon though".

Maybe we'll just stick with co-sleeping Smile

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Original poster
dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 10:54

I have found the blog! It's only taken a day....

Princesses: Powerlessness, Porn & Patriarchy

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Chrysanthemum5 · 20/04/2011 10:59

My FIL is a very loving grandparent but he has made comments before when DS was little and had a toy pushchair etc. I found the best approach was to be upfront about what you/your partner as a parents want for your child. And if you don't want an excess of princess/pink/whatever then just say you want them to respect your choice. Be polite, but firm and they will get the message.

But also don't go overboard with it - grandparents do like to think they have a special bond with the grandchildren so let your mum buy a princess duvet cover - you can always replace it with a plain one.

thumbbunny · 20/04/2011 11:05

I was trying to find a youtube thing I saw that had grown women pretending to be some of the Disney princesses and highlighting their negative aspects but I can't find them now!
Will keep looking - they're VERY good.

Original poster
dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 11:05

I think my issue is that despite having spoken about it, she still insists on trying buy princessy themed things. Even if she took DD to the shop and said "which themed bed would you like" and then went with whatever DD chose that would be better.

My mum keeps commenting on how DD is too independent and I need to get tough now (DD like to put the toothpaste on the brush herself, or get into the car herself - things like that. Time consuming and messy sometimes but hardly unruly). I wonder if the princess thing is her wish that DD was more passive. I accept that I may be over thinking this...

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Original poster
dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 11:06

Thanks thumb I would like to see that if you find it.

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itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 20/04/2011 11:08

I dont think the argument is the princess aspect, its the fact your mum is dismissive of your parenting choices and you are maybe too submissive.

tell your mum a bed is a long term investment and you will purchase a strong hard wearing bed that will last dd long beyond any infintile charecter. end of.

I dont agree on the whole school of thought about demoralising girly, princess, pink, high heels etc. I think a child brought up with a good sence of free thinking, equality, freedom, respect and an understanding of reality and fantacy will do well wether male or female.

Original poster
dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 11:08

Alice just looked around Pinkstinks - fabulous, thank you for the link.

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AliceWorld · 20/04/2011 11:11

thumb, they might be the same as what I'm trying to find. I've posted them about 3 times. From Jezebel, you tube clips about 3 mins long, different Disney princesses played by a woman? I can't find them either today.

AliceWorld · 20/04/2011 11:11

dire, glad it was useful

AliceWorld · 20/04/2011 11:12

found one!

Original poster
dirgeinvegas · 20/04/2011 11:15

Alice, that's brilliant, thank you! You too thumb if that's the one you meant too.

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thumbbunny · 20/04/2011 11:16

Oh it probably is the same ones, AliceWorld - I think I picked up the links on here anyway. Damn, do you think someone complained about them? :(
She really did a good job of them.

Dirgein - girl-meets-handsome-prince-falls-in-love-lives-happily-ever-after fairytales are dreadful things to tell small girls! Your mum is being a right PITA trying to continue the conditioning - just because she had to put up with the conditioning, doesn't mean your DD has to!

I think you are absolutely right in what you are attempting to do, btw - although I also think that as your DD gets older, you're going to have a job sticking to it, regardless of her DGP. Peer pressure is still depressingly happy to categorise girls into princess mode.

thumbbunny · 20/04/2011 11:17

Xposted! Yes, that's the same one. :)
Well found Alice!

aftereight · 20/04/2011 11:17

Could they buy her a white bed and pink princessy (rather than princess characters) bedding and a net canopy from ikea? So it's princessy but just in a girly pink, rather than Disney way? Seems like a good compromise.

Bonsoir · 20/04/2011 11:18

Don't over think this. Disney animation is first and foremost a crime against beauty/aesthetics, and that's the main reason to avoid it.

Little girls like dressing up as princesses and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this providing they are allowed to do whatever they want to do (running, climbing, reading, sliding...) wearing a pretty dress.

thumbbunny · 20/04/2011 11:19

When I open the link, the other 2 vids are shown below, in related videos as well :)