Disney Princesses - Can someone help me get my argument straight please?

[dirgeinvegas]

I read a fantastic blog last year about how Disney princesses portrayed women very negatively- Disney princesses are very sexual, spend their lives waiting to be rescued by a man, beauty valued over anything else etc.

It made me evaluate how I want to bring up DD and the kinds of toys and clothes we buy for DD (2.3) and whilst I don't go as far as to reject princessy/"girly" gifts from family, if they ask I encourage them to buy her something else.

So, yesterday, my mother asked me if I planned to stop co-sleeping with DD. I said we'd considered it but she doesn't have her own bed at the moment so we'll probably do something over the summer before DC2 arrives. She said she'd seen a beautiful princess bed and she wanted to buy it for DD.

I said I'd prefer her not to have a princess bed and tried to explain my reasons but it sounded a bit weak to be honest. It made much more sense when I read the article. My mum just sighed said "yes, but she's a girly girl and she if she'd like the bed then surely that means its her choice". I struggled to argue with that one (except the "girly girl" bit). I pointed out that she also likes Thomas the Tank Engine and so might like a bed like that but she said that's a boys bed and asked why I can't just let DD be a girl. I said I am letting her be a girl just not by my mothers definition of what it is to be a girl.

So basically all my waffle is asking for some help in explaining to my mum why I don't want DD to have a princess bed. Interestingly, it's princess bed or buy a bed ourselves and my step-dad may just buy it for her anyway which would infuriate me.

I want my parents to understand, even if they don't agree. Princess is just the latest battle. I'm still working on "good girls don't do X" or their obsession with trying to get my energetic, climbing, running 2 year old to wear pink dresses (have you tried climbing a slide in a dress?).

I also can't find the blog anymore but am still searching...

When your DD is older, and starts to enjoy watching dvds, I recommend the Studio Ghibli films as great alternatives to Disney. Their female role models are strong, independent, feisty, sensitive fighters. None of this happily ever after crap or needing saving by men.

She sounds a bit more controlling than my mum and unfair too. I just don't think they will understand why you feel like this. As I said they're kind of too old to change their minds at this point. But I also think if you put your foot down over every aspect of princessness then they will understand even less and see you as trying to prove a point.

I hate the eating in my front room, when i have complained i have basically been told that as they're doing childcare (for me and for free) they'll do it in what ever way they can cope with. Fair enough I think. If i get home when they are eating I put it on the table and we follow my rules. for me it's a temporary situation.

Having said that small compromises are ok for family harmony, i also agree with sardinequeen that you don't want to let your mum in on the bed story.

It seems to me too , that it's not entirely about princesses.
Definately more about your mother over-ruling you on your parenting choices.

On the princess and fairy tale issue I think it is good for children to have exposure to them but for you to discuss these things with them and to be able to put them into context for them.

DD1's last project at school was on Fairy Tales .
For homework they had to write their own fairy tale and had a list of words to include , one of which was 'hero'.
We had to have quite an extensive discussion for her to see that the hero didn't necessarily have to be the prince .

Barefoot Books do some interesting princess stort books.

store.barefootbooks.com/uk/the-barefoot-book-of-princess-stories-3.html

There are plenty of kick ass princesses in there :)

oh, yeah I meant to say, I thought letting the kids watch disney was part of their movie education - it's a complete genre and there are many jokes referencing disney if you haven't seen them it's hard to get other jokes. i've just bought fantasia and then we are moving on to woody allen and the marx brothers. To miss out on disney completely would be a complete gap in her education imo.

there is another thread about princesses in AIBU

I liked all the disney films growing up and I was quite outspoken biggest loudmouth in school. Definitely not a pushover in any shape or form. I havent grown up to be a pushover either and my daughter definitely isnt and she is only 3 understatement of the year She hates pink, is extremely confident but she has still watched all the disney films.

My daughter would never want that bed though so I wouldnt get one of those personally as she wouldnt like it. It sounds like neither you or your daughter like this bed anyway so just go out buy a bed and then tell your mum someone gave you 1 and no point in buying another.

I understand why you don't want your mother to choose her bed, I wouldn't want that either.

But I (personally) don't really see the problem with little girls being exposed to this kind of stuff as long as they're exposed to everything else too. My DD1 has some disney princess vests and a disney princess potty, she also has thomas the tank engine stuff. She likes Peppa pig, Winnie the Pooh, the Gruffalo.

I guess I take an everything in moderation view - I don't understand why you would choose to 'ban' stuff rather than expose her to everything and let her make her own mind up about what is crap and what isn't.

FWIW my mother banned dolls and Barbies and I was desperate for dolls throughout my childhood - it made no sense to me that other people could have them and I couldn''t and it still makes no sense to me now.

But then, I don't think pink stinks either - I find it quite a cheerful colour!

It is the insiduous message that it sends plus the pure merchandising aspect that I hate. I have to say that if my mother said it is the princess bed or nothing I would be on my way to the bed shop to buy her a new wooden plain bed. However if you are co sleeping do you actually need one yet or is your mother taking over that decision of when you decide DD needs her own bed.

I have long held the view that Disney princesses are the work of the devil. However DD has taken a different view. Her current favourite is Belle but her favourite colour is blue. She is very determined and independent but where possible I encourage this. Yes it takes more time but I want her to grow up being a strong and independent woman.

If I have to have the fucking DP in my house then I have them on my terms and I try and twist the story. We haven't watched any movies of them yet and the stories are slightly different in our house! I have to say that I did relent and take both DC to see Tangled and was pleasantly surprised.

Thanks Sharon. Yes, I suppose DD will probably come across DPs herself - through friends or possibly through my mum anyway and if she likes them then I won't object because she'll probably just want them more but I will have to have think about how I talk about them.

Yes, the bed thing came up following her asking if I'd do anything differently this time with DC2. I suspect it's about trying to influence how I parent this next child so that it's more in line with her ideas. Though just because DD is in her own bed doesn't mean I'll get any more sleep.

I suppose you could always let your mum pay out for the bed and then redecorate it in plain white paint? But that would be a bit bad, I guess. I don't know how ickily princessy it is though - might not be possible to eradicate the princessyness.