Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

[GuiltyPornUser]

Firstly, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, although I thought it may be the most appropriate. I'm a married man, and I use porn fairly regularly. It's not something I feel has a massive negative effect on my life, but I feel bad about it. I'm not someone who specially goes out of my way to buy porn, (I've never paid for it), but with the internet, it's only ever a few clicks away.

I want to be convinced that it's wrong. I recently read Andrea Dworkin's book on pornography, but it hasn't stopped me. I appreciate that a lot of stuff on the web is very brutal and degrading to women, but a lot of the stuff is less obviously so.

My DW wouldn't be happy with me using porn, and I want to stop. I want to be convinced that it's wrong, and how I go about stopping using porn, when it's so easy to find on the internet.

There may be some here who think porn is acceptable and I'm just suffering from some almost religious guilt.

I'd really welcome some advice here, because my DW could find out one day and I want to stop.

If the woman is consenting to that sexual act and is getting paid for it, I think it's up to her how she lives her life.

I will hold my hands up and say I wouldn't have a clue how to help him tbh. I clicked on the thread out of interest as I realised it wouldn't be a question I'd know how to answer myself, even though I understand the basics of why it is wrong.

In other areas of MN I have learned a lot, here I find it very agressive.

I agree completely though with what you say re perhaps getting confronted with the reality of people's reactions might be a help to the OP.

With regards to opressors/being oppressed - doesn't having the abilty to educate/having a deeper level of understanding about something put you slightly in a position of power?

All he had to do was browse the feminist section for a while and he would find plenty of information. Afterall if someone had some good or useful information they would have already posted it on here. the same people hs is asking are the same people who have posted all the other info.
He didn't need to post his op at all.

And like I said - there's plenty of male homosexual porn with similar sexual procedures. Not all pornography relates to women.

There are more links and book recommendations in this section of MN than in almost any other (except S&B probably). And he got links in the first responses. All he had to do was say thanks and toddle off to the appropriate place.

And what dittany said in her last post.

A while ago someone linked to an amazing blog piece about rape and how women are basically conditioned to co-operate and consent. It demonstrated how difficult it is for women to actually say 'no' and why the absence of a 'no' isn't the same as consent.

I thought I'd saved it but I can't find it, does anyone have it handy? I think it might be helpful here. It certainly opened my eyes.

Second last post. Although...

carminaburana you said "

The porn industry ( 99% of it anyway ) is completely legal and involves consenting adults"
this really isn't the case all you need to do is read what these ex-pornsatrs say about it, doesn't come across very consental to me

to be honest dittany I'm not interested in getting into an argument with you - I think everyone here knows by now what a boring and futile exercise that is.

You present yourself as some kind of expert on pornography, and what feminists are supposed to think about it - and yet you seem unable to handle any evidence that might force you to re-think or modify your position. That doesn't make for a vey constructive debate IMO

Carmina why does money trump morality for you?

Do you not have any concept of meaningful consent?

There are lots of instances where the law steps in and says consent to bodily harm is not possible e.g.

I can't pay you to kill you. You legally can't consent to that. Even if you gave me consent to remove one of your limbs, casserole it and eat it, it would still not be consent and I would still be rightly prosecuted (remember the awful German cannibal case?) A child under 16 cannot consent to sex with an adult. Even if they believe they can, give consent freely and willingly, their consent is not treated as valid. According to a 1994 House of Lords case neither can you consent to S&M practices which occasion ABH or GBH.

So paying money for consent to harm or abuse someone does not somehow magick it into valid consent, however 'freely' given. Would you agree that prostitutes can't be raped?

Power is probably the wrong word dittany but I couldn't think of another one. I just mean that you have the opportunity to educate someone on a cause you feel strongly about, why not take it?

"I think people just see a group of women and automatically assume that they can tell them what to do, especially if they are stepping out of line and criticising male behaviour." - nonsense!! Well, when applied to me anyway!!

Oh and David51 please don't assume me to be included in your cosy group of 'everyone' who knows what a 'boring futile' exercise it is to argue with Dittany. Why do you feel this need to speak on behalf of other people? Who do you think you are the self-appointed representative of, other than yourself?

If you find it futile maybe you need to look at why? Is it because you're not capable of articulating yourself without being patronising?

Caz, I know nothing about how to help the OP. Moreover, it is not my responsibility as has been explained ^^ by others. I used the opportunity to pass on a link that is more appropriate and others posted relevant information. What more do you want?

Right, off to knit a kitten.

Surely it must be possible to make people understand, some of time??? Fairly depressing otherwise

David, feminists aren't 'supposed to think' anything about pornography.

Feminists are against misogyny and the oppression of women. It only takes about 2 minutes of feminist analysis to figure out that porn is about as bad as patriarchy gets.

Porn shows that no only will society accept women being objectified and fetishised but that it is ok to make money out of us being abused, degraded, humiliated, raped, hurt, damaged, traumatised and treated as less than human.

No feminist who had thought about that properly would be anything other against it. Actually that goes for any decent human being who is capable of independent thought.

But, no, some people wank to this shit and think they can still be considered decent human beings.