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Original poster

Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

737 replies

GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 09:50

Firstly, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, although I thought it may be the most appropriate. I'm a married man, and I use porn fairly regularly. It's not something I feel has a massive negative effect on my life, but I feel bad about it. I'm not someone who specially goes out of my way to buy porn, (I've never paid for it), but with the internet, it's only ever a few clicks away.

I want to be convinced that it's wrong. I recently read Andrea Dworkin's book on pornography, but it hasn't stopped me. I appreciate that a lot of stuff on the web is very brutal and degrading to women, but a lot of the stuff is less obviously so.

My DW wouldn't be happy with me using porn, and I want to stop. I want to be convinced that it's wrong, and how I go about stopping using porn, when it's so easy to find on the internet.

There may be some here who think porn is acceptable and I'm just suffering from some almost religious guilt.

I'd really welcome some advice here, because my DW could find out one day and I want to stop.

OP posts:
jenny60 · 19/04/2011 21:30

Like I said: go and find out.

queenbathsheba · 19/04/2011 21:30

business brain is getting fuddled.

prosperina · 19/04/2011 21:31

It's not refusal to acknowledge facts - I've a refusal on yours to provide any?

Look, anal gape sounds pretty horrible. Is it the same as anal sex as some are implying? No, it's not. Dittany, you're not even reading what I wrote, I'll paraphrase for you

You: How many is too many being abused
Me: One is too many
You: The fact that you have to have a number is ridiculous

?????????

prosperina · 19/04/2011 21:34

Beachcomber, the reason why people want evidence is because this is a controversial issue

"Open you eyes, use your brain. Read about the histories of sexual abuse and drug addiction in the women in porn. Read about their suicides, drug overdoses, sexually transmitted diseases...[omitted]"

The same could be said about many actresses in Hollywood. Are you protesting outside the Odeon? Why not?

What I'm saying is let's see the evidence, anecdotes, as horrible as they might be, are not evidence

dittany · 19/04/2011 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ousel · 19/04/2011 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prosperina · 19/04/2011 21:36

Jenny,

I don't have the time and the research grant to pursue the primary research that's needed in this area, let's hope people are doing the research.

However, to complement this, if the anti-porn argument rests on abuse at the extreme ends, all porn has to do is eliminate abuse. Does that make porn suddenly ok? I don't think it does

queenbathsheba · 19/04/2011 21:36

I despair too, why are women now denying that the industry abuses women and that "anal gape" and many other practices have to be proven to be abusive.

All it takes is empathy but porn propoganda and exposure inhibits empathy and prevents women as well as men from seeing women as full human beings with feelings and emotions.

msrisotto · 19/04/2011 21:36

Does anyone know the website I am talking about where it lists quotes from porn stars saying how they had been violated during the films they were making? I know the link was given on one of the porn threads but I didn't save it and would like it again.

dittany · 19/04/2011 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prosperina · 19/04/2011 21:37

Dittany,

No, but as it stands, the porn videos are legal. The onus is on you (not you personally) to demonstrate they're breaking the law, not for the people legally going about their business to prove they're not breaking the law.

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 19/04/2011 21:38

You say anecdotes aren't evidence. OK. But you said one woman being abused is too many. So are you saying you don't believe any of the ex-porn star testimonies referred to?
are you saying the Felicity video you watched didn't really happen?
You're not being consistent.

prosperina · 19/04/2011 21:38

Dittany,

Are you against marriage, because I know one women who was abused by her husband?

msrisotto · 19/04/2011 21:38

In the mean time more evidence that will probably be ignored or not good enough but hey ho

prosperina · 19/04/2011 21:39

I'm being perfectly consistent, one woman abused is one woman too many - that doesn't mean the porn industry should be banned - it means steps should be taken to stop it happening again, and for the guilty to be prosecuted

jenny60 · 19/04/2011 21:41

The fact that you're refusing to read Dimes at least and relying on a wikepedia criticism of her work tells me everything I need to know about your commitment to finding out about the industry.

flippinada · 19/04/2011 21:41

God this thread is so disturbing.

I think that's necessary though.

TBH I just don't have the stomach to wade through all that awful stuff - the titles are bad enough.

I know this stuff exists, I saw some once by mistake - a trailer for a MH thing. It was so disturbing - I screamed and burst into tears when I saw it (an exbf, it was promptly switched off). Previous to that I really, really had no idea.

Sincere thanks to Dittany, Beachcomber, SGM, Eggy, jenny60, seth, prolesworth (sorry if I've missed anyone out). Keep up the good work.

prosperina · 19/04/2011 21:43

msrisotto

Thanks for the link, but you see the problem there, don't you? Marilyn Monroe committed suicide, do you boycott hollywood?

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 19/04/2011 21:43

(Jenny - was that post meant for the other thread?)

Beachcomber · 19/04/2011 21:43

Has the world just gone completely mad?

Am I really being asked by a woman on the feminist section of MN of evidence that women in porn are abused?

Prosperina how many Hollywood actresses do you know of who have had to go and have their anuses stitched after a days work? How many come off set having contracted a sexually transmitted disease? How many are verbally abused and slapped and have their hair pulled?

Read Jensen. (Hint - you will have to open your eyes to do it.)

prosperina · 19/04/2011 21:43

Jenny, who are you referring to there? I'm not refusing to read Dines

prosperina · 19/04/2011 21:46

Beachcomber, guess what, I don't know, that's the point, and neither do you

THanks for the link. Here's another report for you

catalogue.mup.com.au/978-0-522-85340-7.html

dittany · 19/04/2011 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beachcomber · 19/04/2011 21:53

Prosperina did you even follow Msrisotto's link?

Did you look at the picture of that young woman with a gag chained on her and a collar on her neck? Did you read the text?

"The movies Hunter starred in were the degrading, extreme violence that we see in pornography where the women are tied up, chained, gagged and labeled as 'sluts' or 'fresh meat' and treated like disposable objects for men or gangs of men to use up and throw away."

What is wrong with people that they cannot see abuse when it is right in front of them?

Are you going to show a picture of Marilyn Monroe being gagged, spat on, chained up and choked before being brutally penetrated by a gang of men? Thought not Hmm

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 19/04/2011 21:54

I don't understand Prosperina, are you actually saying you don't know to 'how many Hollywood actresses do you know of who have had to go and have their anuses stitched after a days work? How many come off set having contracted a sexually transmitted disease?'

(I'd agree that slapping and hair pulling might happen on occasion - Hitchcock was reputedly pretty nasty to his actresses, but that would be extreme, whereas for many porn actresses that would count as a good day).