Article on Motherhood in Guardian

[Blackduck]

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/mar/26/modern-mother-equality-illusion

Have only skim read, but usual comments!

Well I must say I agree with you Dittany

But i think it should be sorted out before you have children.
They should agree that both will work reduced hours, so they can do 50-50 housework and childcare. And therefore neither will be financially reliant on the other.

If both take equal maternity/paternity leave then employers will have to stop discriminating against women.

Then if the marriage fails, shared residency means neither has to sacrifice their financial independence. And end up doing all the childcare.

They come from homes where the parents are still together and the parents help but its not the point he doesnt love her if he treats her as mug in my eyes. Yeah they feel safe the partners arent physically abusive they are lazy and selfish. If they left they probably wouldnt even get up to close the door, they just like tea on the table and the luxuries of being at home. They are part of the community, they are very good friends.

'what would help them is their menfolk changing.'

How? How do I make them change? Thats what I mean I have tried everything I can think of

Yeah but ho wdo I make them change? My husband has disassociated from them, we both wrote on facebook what dicks they are being to the girls. We tell them to the face they are nobs. Both me and my husband, my other friends and their men have told the girls that the blokes are idiots, 1000s and 1000s of times. I must talk it about a few hours a week at least you think you get headway, then nothing.

What else can I do? It hurts me and I want them to say fuck you to them. I want them not to have to do this.

I dont blame them to them. My best friend in particular is a very pretty girl she goes out with the bloke he is not attractive, useless, hardly ever has a job or doesnt go in, he doesnt help with childcare, he goes out so much she cant go out etc.

We are in a big group of friends and I say you dont deserve this look at x,y,zs dad doing this and that. Your boyf should do it. She says what can I do?, he doesnt like it, he just says he is doing it etc.

Right so your friend being totally fucked around by an arsehole and that hurts me cause I love her is me making it about me? Cause its going to hurt, you dont want to see people you care about get hurt. She does hate it she tells me all the time. Its all we ever talk about and drives me mad. She wants him to let her go and do stuff but he is never there to take the kids, she wants him to help her but he just wont.

This is my class and I do look through it through that just like the guardian womens looks though it through her class/culture/aspirations. Just cause I am Working class doesnt mean my thoughts on the subject are irrelevant.

It is far from my reach to imagine men getting paid significntly more than women, doing particularly long hours, commuting etc. It doesnt happen in my area, I dont experience it. Everyone looks at things through their own experiences that doesnt mean they dont want to change things.

'ask yourself why these girls expect so little. do you not think they've been groomed for it all their lives in some way to slip so easily into the role and have so little resistance to it?'

I hope that by seeing men all around us here doing the pickups to nursery, having sole care in some cases, being at the classes, on the parent advisory board, pushing the buggies in the town will change the perceptions of all women in this situation so they want more. It does happen a lot at my setting and in my personal life they see it, I talk about it etc. I want them to not pass this on to their kids, then their kids and so forth so this gets stamped out.

Things have changed immensely in my area to what they would of been like years ago. The men are doing this tasks. I am in the same class as her and all these men/women are. Why do we think differently? What can change it? You want wider world and so do I but specific cases matter to individuals when it is someone near to them.