This board is the most frightening .

[fangbanger]

Apparently.

I am a little saddened that a forum mostly used by women, has decided that the feminist boards are the most frightening of the forum.

Why do we feel that is? What can be done to prevent people from feeling so intimidated that they are too scared t post?

Lenin I'm all for discussion, but when it becomes mean spirited and rude it just distracts from the point trying to be made IYSWIM.

How right you are, Hully. It took ages for me to recognise it - going from the Young Communists to Marxism to secretary of a Labour party branch before the penny dropped. I am still a socialist but disengaged from organised politics many years ago. I don't dislike individual men - I have a father and a son and adore them both (hell, one of my best friends is a man). I guess it's a case of hate the sin, love the sinner.

My choice was to disengage as far as possible. Five of us are friends from way back. All of us were married. Only one of us still lives with her husband. Three of us live alone and one got really radical and has a gay relationship now. I've been paddling my own canoe for over 30 years and have very few regrets. But then I'm a pragmatic character and firmly believe that romantic lurve is a social construct designed to keep young women in their place.

See, I am married, a Mrs, joint accounts etc. But am not in any way shape or form oppressed or ruled by my husband. He does not require me to dress a certain way, or behave a certain way. He just accepts me, and accepts the way in which I have changed over the years. Are these things important do you think?

acceptance or joint accounts?

i don't have a joint account - i'd rather eat my own arse

That i'd like to see! No, the acceptance really. I am quite happy to have all the traditional accoutrements because it is totally pressure.

I don't see anything wrong with joint accounts. I think they come into their own if someone is a SAHP or during maternity leave, where one party is working in the cash economy and the other is looking after the children. It means that they don't have to ask the other party for money, they have a right to withdraw cash when they want because it's their account.

I am married, a Mrs, have joint bank accounts, not a SAHM but taken 2X extended (unpaid) mat leaves

I am not letting the side down, and nobody has ever implied that I am

Dittany like I said I'm not going to give details of who/what upset me and what was said as it might out my namechange. If you don't think it has/does happen on this board then thats fine, I am just answering the OP about why a predominantly female website has a board that women feel too intimidated to post on.

I'm married, sometimes use Mrs, and have a joint account too. In fact I was thinking about a friend earlier and the injustice of her financial situation because she doesn't have a joint account, from a feminist perspective. I was tying myself in knots over the issue.

don't, Alice

people's finacial set up, if it works for them, really has very little to do with their feminist credentials (or lack of), IMO

there is only Xenia who thinks it matters, really, and she is like a squillionaire or summat

the rest of us live in the real world

Not not feminist credentials so much. Hers doesn't work for her, she has nothing, he has lots but it's all OK cos he 'buys her things'. She has nothing cos she doesn't work cos he looks after the kids. He has lots cos he works. Sometimes he will share, sometimes he wont'. So then I was thinking how important a joint account was. But then I was thinking about the problem of joint finances and not having financial independence and being trapped. So not so much which is the feminist thing to do, but how does this play out in women's experiences through a feminist lens. I think I came to the conclusion, it depends . Your 'practical feminism' probably got there quicker

err, yes, I think it did

I wouldn't mind a joint account with xenia

maxi I'm sorry you had a bad time here, honestly I can't think of anyone regular who would have a go at someone for things like joint bank accounts or being married. It does happen though.

In fact a lot of people in the last couple of days have commented that they have had a rough time in this section for being SAHM and that sort of thing. I don't see it though? Maybe there have been a couple of "bad" threads and I missed them.

Anyhoo. Am also married with a joint bank account which DH pays much more into than me so there you have it

Joint bank accounts are great if you are with someone who is decent.

Joint bank accounts are shit if you are with a right bastard, but then so is everything else.

And that's the long and short if it?

TBH although our main bank account is joint I tend to keep some separate savings as you never know.

I don't even keep separate savings

I am doooooomed I tell ya

Yeah Alice I agree with SQ - she went wrong by marrying a complete knob. :(

I am another SAHM, husband's surname, joint bank account. He quite frequently explains to people that the housework is jointly shared though because my job is looking after during work hours not being a housewife. I am glad he has never needed me to tell him this :)

I bet people who were given a hard time for being SAHMs weren't done so on this board.

I bet it was in relationships, or AIBU, or parenting or behaviour or chat or something.

Apart from Xenia, I don't recall any of the self-declared feminists denigrating child-rearing.

I would put money on it being AIBU {my husband's money, natch )

There was a SAHM thread on here a while ago which was a bit :( Will see if I can find and link. But no, I'd say we're better on that than AIBU where it tends to be seen as self indulgent.

We have joint accounts and joint savings. We came into the relationship with similar assets, we earn similar amounts, we save similar amounts, and if we split up it'd all go 50:50.

I don't see that as unfeminist at all, we aim for an egalitarian relationship of shared parenting/domestic work and shared earning. We've shared in the buggering of career prospects by both working part time too.

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