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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

So is Christmas women's work then?

253 replies

Katisha · 22/12/2010 15:38

Following on from my thread here in which in would appear that left to their own deives most, (not all), men would hardly bother with Christmas at all, I would be interested to know why this is.

Is it because women do it all for them? Is it because only women want all the traditional food, decorations, visiting, card sending and frenzy of present buying?

Are women propping up some ridiculous commercial christmas industry and men are right to despise/ignore it?

Or what?

OP posts:
beijingaling · 23/12/2010 05:59

He is my dad in my first paragraph btw!

RamblingRosa · 23/12/2010 09:13

Yes, it's what Alice said. Christmas is an extension of all the usual drudgery that gets allocated as "women's work". It's all part of "home making": cleaning, cooking, decorating, entertaining, planning and budgeting for the home plus all the present buying, card writing, thank you letter writing, arranging to see family etc.

I don't know. I'm sure there are lots of exceptions to this. Just as there are lots of exceptions to the traditional gender divide in housework. But as a general rule, I think men are happy to let women take on all of this stuff.

I certainly do it all in my household. This is the first year that I've managed to get DP to buy presents for his nieces and nephews. Usually he just doesn't do it so I end up doing it because I would be too embarrassed to visit his sisters without any presents for their LOs when they've given lovely presents to our DD. Maybe men have less shame when it comes to these things!

slug · 23/12/2010 09:20

One Man's Sunday dinner is one woman's Sunday gone.

Doubly true at Christmas.

mamaloco · 23/12/2010 09:26

Just because it has to be done on time Wink

SantasSackura · 23/12/2010 09:29

I do Christmas in our house because DH'S culture doesn't do Christmas at all Shock (it's regarded as a young couple's game- a romantic meal and that's about it)

BUt do you know what gets my goat ?

The fact that, although it's women's work, children believe it's a man (Father Christmas) doing all the work!!!!!

It's like religions pretending women don't give birth- that Eve was made from Adam's rib, or that Mary's child was "Begotten not Created" like the carol SIlent NIght tells us

Angry
SantasSackura · 23/12/2010 09:31

Good thing about it not being DH's culture though is

  1. NO In-laws!!! Yipeeeeee. MIL asked me if I was doing anything this Sat. I said, "Oh, yes, I'M a bit busy, you can come SUnday" Xmas Grin
  2. No pressure. So any pressure is me pressurizing myself Xmas Hmm which is kind of pleasant...
Blackduck · 23/12/2010 09:37

Oh Slug I LOVE that phrase - I bought my mum a card with it on years ago and my dad was offended :)

I don;t believe any of the hogwash about men not being able to plan, they just choose not to. If you take up the slack they will let you (gives them time to do what they want). I don't write cards for dp's side of the family (that's his responsibility and if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen), likewise he buys their presents, nowt to do with me. I love Christams but hate the amount of stress I see my mum and other women put themselves under for the 'perfect' day...

stretch · 23/12/2010 09:38

Well, DH, does just as much at xmas as I do, but seeing as he is at work and I am at home with 4 DCs I do most of the planning and organising.
We tend to share jobs,
I write shopping list, he collects he/buys it,
I write all the cards and he wraps all the presents, (I hate wrapping, he hates writing, marriage made in heaven Grin)
He cooks xmas dinner, I run around and do all the odd jobs, lay table, watch DCs.

But then, this is how it is all year round, he cooks 90% of the time and I do most of the cleaning/budgeting/ etc..it works for us and to our different strengths.

He has never been to the pub xmas day either, even though I am trying to get him to this year as he is not going to his staff night out and I want him to have a bit of 'him' time.

SantasSackura · 23/12/2010 09:38

Why do I put pressure on myself..
I get a kick out of making a feast, things I never normally make. I'm thrifty all year round then my alter-ego comes into play 1 week before Xmas and I get loads of special food in
I like the magic of it all, I really do

SantasSackura · 23/12/2010 09:39

slug ever since I was a child I never understood why they called it the day of rest...

Goblinchild · 23/12/2010 09:41

' but hate the amount of stress I see my mum and other women put themselves under for the 'perfect' day...'

Exactly. In very few cases is the male of the house forcing his woman to be his Stepford wife. The majority of women choose to do this to themselves, because of the embarrassment of other women's disapproval, or because they are somehow colluding in competitive martyrdom.
I do the things I want to do for the people I want to. If it isn't a pleasure, or at least acceptable effort, I don't do it and no one can make me.

LilyBolero · 23/12/2010 09:43

My dh loves christmas. Loves it. It's my FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR he says as he bounds out of bed. And he did buy the tree and put the decorations on.

But.
I have written all the Christmas Cards
I have bought all the Christmas presents.
I will wrap all the Christmas presents.
I have bought all the food/wine etc.
I will cook all the food/wine etc.
I know for a fact that he has NOT bought any presents. Again. So on Saturday I will be the only one with no presents.

I do like Christmas, but I am starting to wonder if my middle name is muggins....(not so much because of the present thing, but just for running round like a headless chicken because nobody else does).

Goblinchild · 23/12/2010 09:48

So he likes |Christmas in the same way my children did when they were little? All the magic and none of the preparation?
And you love this element of him?
If it annoys you, why haven't you done something about it?
My babies are 16 and 20 and are now doing a lot more than putting up and decorating the tree.

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 23/12/2010 09:50

I love Christmas. Dh "endures" Christmas.
I do all the work related to creating a fantastic Christmas for the kids. Dh graces us with his presence some part of the day.
I bake, dh sighs at the thought of receding waist lines and a veins blocked with butter and pastry. I have a fantastic time, the kids have a fantastic time, and dh is just coasing a long having a normal day with a big meal in the middle. This year he has bought 2 presents. I even carried the tree up! But he has done his back in, so I would not have wanted him to even try to lift it.

Truckulent · 23/12/2010 09:51

I don't understand all the card sending at Christmas.
As a single parent I 'do' Christmas it is a big a deal as you want to make it.

Sakura I always thought there was a Mother Christmas as well.

' FC have you sorted those presents yet? You leave it until the last minute every year, no, no I'll do it, you wouldn't do it properly anyway' MC, rolls her eyes and sighs.

' And don't drink too much this year, last year you had 4 million glasses of Sherry, that you admit to, and how many mince pies? you were good for nothing the next day, I had to do everything, again'

'What's that?'

'Don't you bloody Ho! Ho! Ho! me, and another thing
your mother isn't staying long'

Poor Father Christmas he is now a sexist.

SantasSackura · 23/12/2010 10:09

yeah, Truckulent, you might rather be Mrs Christmas, the helper, but I know I'd rather be whizzing around the night skies, whooshing down chimneys, inspecting people's homes, and drinking their booze...
Men always get the fun jobs and pass it off as Hard Work, and women (like Mrs Christmas) always get the boring drudge...

SantasSackura · 23/12/2010 10:10

[although I do rather like Christmasy drudge, but that's just because the other job is not real- i'd still take the other job in a heartbeat

dittany · 23/12/2010 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Treats · 23/12/2010 10:25

SantasSackura - sorry to be pedantic, but the carol is 'O Come All Ye Faithful' and the meaning of the phrase (which comes from the Creed) is that Jesus didn't just arrive fully formed on the earth (in the way that Adam was 'created') but he was conceived (albeit miraculously) and then given birth to, in the same way as every other human being.

So full credit is given to Mary for doing the hard work of bringing him into the world and she is venerated - especially in the Catholic church - for doing so. Although this is somewhat undermined - imo - by the claim that it was a virgin birth. It sets up an impossible standard for women - giving birth = good but having sex = bad Confused

I get irritated too by the people who take it all on and then moan about it. DH does all the card-writing and present-buying for his friends and family and is wholly responsible for producing the meal on Boxing Day when his parents are coming over. Everything else we do together. I would feel uncomfortable having to be responsible for buying presents for his family.

SantasSackura · 23/12/2010 10:30

Thanks treats Blush Ah, but can you defend FC?

dittany · 23/12/2010 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Truckulent · 23/12/2010 10:34

You can't defend Father Christmas he only works one day a year.

He's obviously a 'cock-lodger'

LeninInExcelsis · 23/12/2010 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantasSackura · 23/12/2010 10:38

yes... the ultimate creative act... the ultimate in creative work.. is passed off as something that women don't really have much of a hand in.
Womb envy

SantasSackura · 23/12/2010 10:39

Lol Truck!

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