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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Men 'buying rounds'

37 replies

IDontLikeDisciples · 29/11/2010 15:39

A very very petty concern but I wonder how you all deal with this?

The group of friends I socialise with all seem to think it is the mans place to pay for drinks/ snacks, even to the extent where men will sneakily get a round in before I get the chance to.

Then there are a couple of people who will only buy halves for the women, and worse women who will only drink halfs.

Does this bug anyone else?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 29/11/2010 15:43

Depending on the type of place I send my dh to the bar sometimes as I'm very short and hate jostling - and on Saturday I sent him to the bar as it was downstairs and I had high heels on.

I wouldn't be friends with people who assumed I only drank halves - how weird is that.Hmm

ISNT · 29/11/2010 16:23

I know what you mean. I think you have to play it by ear - some men will get mortally offended if a woman tries to get a round in Hmm and at that point there's no point in arguing.

I don't understand the halves thing - when buying a round surely you either ask everyone what they want, or get them the same again. If a woman is drinking a pint and a bloke gets a round in with pints for the men and a half for the woman then he is making a point and is a complete twat IMO.

TBH in my drinking days most of the groups I went drinking with took it in turns to buy rounds including the women. The few men I know who insist on paying for all the drinks have been in manual type jobs - bricklayers, van drivers, that sort of thing. I don't know why there are more "traditional" attitudes there but TBH it's probably something to do with being paid in cash (maybe).

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/11/2010 18:29

always gone full rounds male, female, everybody buys.

want I get annoyed about is when it goes

single person
couple
single person couple
couple etc.

used to happen with takeaways as well.

fluffles · 29/11/2010 18:32

i've never met a man who wouldn't let me buy a round Shock

honestly, i've never heard of this... i admit that sometimes the men get more rounds in cause they drink faster, and i sometimes can't drink whole pints (if drinking real ale for e.g. and out a long time) but that's MY choice, nobody elses, if i wanted a proper pint i'd better bloody get one.

Original poster
IDontLikeDisciples · 29/11/2010 19:07

Oh yes, that is very very annoying when a couple just put in one persons share.

OP posts:
Snorbs · 29/11/2010 19:30

The only time I've been in a situation where rounds were being sneakily bought to prevent a woman buying one was when the woman in question was skint but needed a (rare for her) night out. But then I've done exactly the same thing for male friends in the same circumstances so the motivation wasn't anything to do with sex.

I don't have an issue with a woman or man asking for a half if that's what they want. I've ordered halves before if the people I'm with are drinking faster than me. I wouldn't insist on buying a half for someone just because they're a woman. That's just weird.

The only time I've come close to this sort of attitude was about 20 years ago when I met up with my step-mother in a pub. She was happy to buy rounds but wouldn't go to the bar herself. Instead, she gave me the money and I did the ordering. That was a bit peculiar but I just put it down to her being a bit old-fashioned. It's not an attitude I've seen for a long time though.

HerBeatitude · 29/11/2010 19:32

Do people still buy rounds?

I thought most people did a kitty nowadays. Partly to avoid the phenomenon of feeling obliged to drink 8 drinks just because there are 8 people there, and partly to avoid the scenario of having to drink at the same breakneck speed as the person with the biggest alcohol problem in the group.

ISNT · 29/11/2010 19:34

In our circles, the points you raise are the beauty of the whole system Wink

snowflake69 · 30/11/2010 07:55

I wouldnt ever drink a pint. If someone bought me a piint I would pour it in 2 glasses as a pint is massive next to me and also they make you fat. I think everything you have written is just good manners.

HerBeatitude · 30/11/2010 08:04

What is good manners Snowflake?

You do understand that your random point about a pint making you fat is pointless and makes you sound like the Nan out of Royle family, don't you? Sitting in the corner making irrelevant observations. But would you prefer us to talk about whether drinking beer out a pint glass makes you fatter than drinking the same amount out of 2 half pint glasses? How do you think that relates to gender expectations viz drinking beer?

snowflake69 · 30/11/2010 08:39

I mean I wouldnt go out on a night out and be downing pints. When I do get a pint bought for me I pour it in 2 glasses and usually give a glass to a friend.

It isnt that common in my life for women to go round downing loads of pints. Women usually get more drunk then men and so wouldnt drink as fast.

Most women I know wouldnt want pints bought for them and most men know this so that is why the situation in the OP occured.

RealityVom · 30/11/2010 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAdAstra · 30/11/2010 08:43

I've never come across this at all.

If I go out to a beer-drinking pub I will have pints. At the time when it feels as if it is your round you just buy a drink for whoever is ready for another drink at that time.

We on't do 'there are 8 of us so everyone must buy/drink 8 drinks' because we know we will see each other again the next week, and sometimes the beer karma is in your favour and sometimes you do get stung for a £25 round.

RealityVom · 30/11/2010 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAdAstra · 30/11/2010 08:45

I would do a kitty or stricter round-buying if I were with people I didn't know, or didn't see so well.

One friend (a regular on our ale-drinking nights) was v skint for a long time but didn't like to be indebted so he opted out of any rounds and only bought his own.

TrillianAdAstra · 30/11/2010 08:47

Didn't see so well?

Didn't see very often.

snowflake69 · 30/11/2010 08:49

'Fucking LOL at a pint making you fat but two halves being ok'

If you read what I have wrote I said I would give half away or save it whilst the others had more as most women dont drink as much. When I have been in that situation most women I know do say why the hell has whoever just bought me a massive pint and then we have to go to the bar and get another glass. Its just a known thing that women I know wouldnt want a pint so it is usually the circles you are in. It was even the same often when I served in the military.

overmydeadbody · 30/11/2010 08:49

I'm with Trillian and Reality.

Never had a man refuse to let me buy them a drink.

TrillianAdAstra · 30/11/2010 08:51

Oh, and I drink pints because then it's longer before you have to go get another. Halves = more time spent with an empty glass waiting for the next. I drink ale anyway so there's no such a problem if it gets slightly warm.

No-one is "downing" pints and it's funny that the size of a glass can elicit that kind of image. Would it help if I told you it was a small-batch locally-produced traditional ale, rather than mass-produced stong fizzy lager?

overmydeadbody · 30/11/2010 08:51

snowflake I have never been out and a friend has gone and bought a round without asking what everyone wants first. No one would ever buy me a pint of beer because that is not what I would ask for.

Do you really socialise with people who buy the drinks without asking first?

overmydeadbody · 30/11/2010 08:52

And my friends who drink pints don't down them.

snowflake69 · 30/11/2010 08:53

Well I wouldnt actually have a pint or half of beer personally. I would drink bacardi breezers or wine or something but I am talking about friends that would want a half but again I dont know many women that would drink beer they would maybe have a half of cider or a wine and lemonade.

snowflake69 · 30/11/2010 08:55

overmydeadbody - my friends and I dont ever buy rounds.

It costs too much but sometimes in social situations in military you had to buy rounds and it mostly went if a woman said beer or cider it automatically meant they meant a half unless requested otherwise.

TrillianAdAstra · 30/11/2010 08:55

So under what circumstances would someone buy you a pint of beer snowflake? Sounds very rude of them to me.

I am with OMDB - the only time when I or my friends would buy someone a drink without asking is if they:
a) had been drinking the same thing all night (at least 2x the same drink)
b) were not there to ask (had gone for a smoke or to the loo)
c) had indicated clearly that they were not planning on leaving yet
and
d) had an empty glass at the point when I was going up to the bar

BecauseImWorthIt · 30/11/2010 08:57

snowflake - you do realise you're in the feminist section, don't you?! Grin Grin

Oh, and it's 2010 over here - sounds like it's still 1950 where you are.

Women have been happily drinking pints/being bought pints for years.

I expect to pay my way, but DH will often buy two rounds for us as a couple if we're together - I will then pay for the meal when we go out afterwards for a curry/whatever.

I don't always go to the bar, especially if it's a really busy pub, simply because (as I am quite short at 5 ft 2), it's harder to get to the bar/get noticed at the bar!

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